That moment in time
by lazysundae49
Summary: Sally Wainwright's creation continues to weave its magic. Here's my take on what happened before series 1.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

'Aren't you ready yet boys?' Caroline barked loudly as she picked up her keys from the hall table. Irritated, she stroked her scarf between her thumb and fingers. 'Keep me waiting any longer and you'll have to get yourselves to school.' She glanced briefly into the mirror over the hall table, her reflection staring back accusingly. 'What's etching the frown lines on your face and the attitude in your manner?' questioned her conscience.

John strode down the stairs, overnight bag in one hand and briefcase in the other.

'I know you'll miss me, Caroline, but there's no need to take it out on the boys.'

'Very funny. You're away more often than you're at home these days so by your logic I must be living in a perpetual state of irritability. Which, I can assure you, I am not.' The inner Caroline was not convinced by her denial.

John sidled up to his wife and planted an exaggerated kiss on her cheek, which she wiped away in an equally embellished manner.

'What's up, then? Time of the month?!' he replied flippantly.

'Oh, John do grow up. Typical misogynistic opinion and you reckon to be so 21st century. Stuck in the dark ages with your characters more like. When are you back?'

'By tomorrow evening, but could be late. It depends what Francis Hilliard says about the latest draft. As you well know, he was not too pleased with the previous offering. And it's ancient Greece not the dark ages.'

'Ok, then. Whatever. Hope all goes well. BOYS! I'm in the car.' Without a backward glance Caroline headed outside.

'Right mardy bitch.' John and Caroline both thought, almost simultaneously.

ooOoo

'Good morning, Caroline.' Beverley said breezily as she placed the mug of steaming coffee on her boss's desk; her normal procedure within five minutes of Dr Elliot arriving in the office.

'What's good about it?' came a rather terse response.

'The weather for one thing. Isn't it nice…..oh, I see. Rhetorical question. Sorry.'

The headteacher looked up to her faithful assistant and smiled.

'Interviews. I bloody hate interviews! If only Daphne Jarvis hadn't decided to retire I'd have the day for more enjoyable parts of my job. Even a day with 4F would be more enjoyable.'

Beverley knew her employer well enough to know that she was not joking. She really did have a passionate dislike for interviewing potential staff but the reality was that in such a large school there was frequently a need to do so.

'The possible good news is that the first applicant has withdrawn, something about a change of mind rather than not being able to make today, so you've just the four left starting at half past ten, with about a half-an-hour break for lunch. I'm assuming you'll want a buffet in here with Gavin and Jeremy?' Beverley was all fact and efficiency, knowing well that this was the best way forward.

'Yes, thank you, Beverley. I'm sorry for being such a grump. Poor Jeremy should be the one to moan. As head of languages he'll be the one to have to do the induction! Please will you do the necessary for us?'

Since Caroline had been at Sulgrave Heath she had used Beverley during the recruitment process. The routine was that after the formal interview Beverley would show the applicant around the school. Often the real individual would shine through when the pressure was off. Personality was as big a part as academic qualifications and experience when trying to find the right fit for the school. Caroline prided herself on her success at appointing the right person for the role, and the school's record was one indication of this achievement.

'I'd be pleased to do so but if you remember I've got to be away from school promptly for a dental appointment so it might be tight for time for me to do the last one if you run late. Just kick Gavin under the desk if he shows any sign of boring them about budgets and we should be fine!'

Without further ado Beverley began to arrange the large desk ready for the day. Caroline smiled as she began to drink her coffee and, not for the first time, realised how lucky she was to have someone so efficient and reliable working for her. Beverley's ability to lift her spirits did not go amiss either. Hopefully the interviews would run like clockwork and by four o'clock they should know who the new French teacher was going to be.

ooOoo

'Thank you for your time today. If you have no further question we'll arrange for you to have a brief tour of the school. We'll be in touch, as discussed.' With that Caroline showed interviewee number three through to Beverley's office.

'Dear Lord. She might have a first-class degree but it was obviously at the expense of a personality by-pass.' Caroline chuckled as she returned to the table.

'It would be difficult to imagine anyone less appropriate. The poor children. Poor me!' Jeremy moaned. 'The first two were hardly any better!'

Gavin spoke as he held the CV of the last candidate. 'Ms Katherine McKenzie. Valuable experience. Looks promising. Let's hope we've saved the best until last.'

'There's the thing. She's running late. Beverley just handed me a note. Ms McKenzie is driving here from Peterborough and she's been diverted off the A1 at junction 45. She's phoned to say that she understands if we decide to cancel the interview but she may be up to an hour late.'

'It's just too bad. Too bad. Not good enough.' Gavin drummed his pen onto the table in time to his words.

'Well, at least she had the decency to ring. Personally, I think we ought to wait for her. I could do with a cup of coffee; something stronger really but caffeine will have to do. What about you two? Surely, we can wait for her? We shouldn't appoint the others and I would rather wait than confirm today as a total wash-out.' The voice of reason from the level-headed, kindly language head.

'I'm in agreement with that. Gavin?' asked the headteacher.

'You're right. Better to spend another hour today than delay things for weeks.'

Caroline made a tray of coffee and arrived back at the office just as Beverley was coming along the corridor from the opposite direction. A quick shake of Beverley's head confirmed that candidate number three's star hadn't shone any brighter away from the pressure of the interview room but Beverley expressed positive thoughts on her brief 'phone conversation with Katherine McKenzie.

'She sounds delightful, Caroline. Level-headed and extremely likeable. I take it from the fact that you've made drinks that you're going to wait for her but I'm afraid I won't be able to give her the tour afterwards. I really do need to head off very soon.'

Caroline assured Beverley that this would not be a problem and that she would do the tour herself.

'Poor woman!' joked Beverley. 'Hours stuck in a car then out of the frying pan of the interview into the fire of Dr Elliot afterwards! Be gentle with her!'

'Get away with you. I've seen her CV. I'm a pussy cat compared to some of the heads she's worked under. But let's hope Ms McKenzie's got something about her. Shrinking violets need not apply!'

The women were suddenly aware that they were not alone. Pauline from the reception office stood in the open doorway with a strikingly tall, beautiful woman at her side.

'Dr Elliot. Beverley. This is Katherine McKenzie.'

'Hello. Please call me Kate. I am so sorry I'm late. Fortunately, the congestion eased off after I telephoned and I managed to make up some time. But I'll understand if it's too late for you.' Her honesty and the warmth of her personality was evident in those few short sentences and Caroline knew instantly that they had made the right decision to wait.

'That's fine. We felt sorry for you. Thank you for letting us know that you would be late. I've just made a drink. Would you like a cup of something?' The blue-eyed blonde replied in kind. For the first time that day Caroline felt that she might enjoy the task of interviewing someone.

'Not for me, thank you. I had a bottle of water in the car and for that reason I would like to delay you for a few more minutes to use the bathroom, if that would be alright?'

As soon as Ms McKenzie was out of earshot Caroline giggled like one of her pupils.

'If she heard that you're in trouble. It's taken you years to develop that frosty reputation!' Beverley chuckled as she cleared her desk.

An hour later the interview was over, successfully in Caroline's eyes, and she began to show Kate around the school. Normally one to take considerable time to relax in the company of others, especially in the work environment, Caroline was surprised to find herself chatting informally to the applicant and all too soon for her liking they were back at the entrance hall.

'Well, that's Sulgrave Heath. I hope you like what you've seen.'

'I did, thank you, Dr Elliot. I would have liked to have seen the students at work too but that's my fault for being late! I'm impressed. But then I expected to be.'

'I'm flattered! I know you said during the interview that you'd heard good things about us from Sally Mathews. But it can be counter-productive if an unrealistic expectation has been built up.'

They walked down the stone steps and across the car park to Kate's car.

'Thank you again for waiting for me. I look forward to hearing from you.'

'Yes, by the end of tomorrow, Kate. Please give my regards to Sally when you next speak to her. We go way back, as I'm sure she told you. I'm pleased to know that we've lived up to her assessment.'

'Just the one error in her judgement, Dr Elliot. If I dare to say so, and I do. She said you were formidable but you're right, I've worked with far worse!'

The resulting explosion of laughter from them both confirmed their individual thoughts. For Kate that she wanted to accept the job, should it be offered, and to the head teacher that she would be foolish not to appoint this extremely pretty breath of fresh air.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Caroline met her sons in the school library; finding William huddled over his GCSE homework and Lawrence with his earphones in, listening to music on his iPhone. Neither noticed her approach and she spent time studying them from the doorway. 'How can two boys be so different?' she pondered. William was by far the more studious, taking after his mother in that respect but with an academic preference for languages rather than science. It was not clear where Lawrence's love of sport came from but in character he was very much his father's son, with an irreverent sense of humour and often lacking focus, which reflected in the closeness that they shared.

'How did the interviews go?' William asked once they were in the Jeep heading home from Sulgrave.

'Interview? Why are you having an interview?' A half-listening Lawrence interrupted while fiddling with the car's cd player.

'Bloody plonker.' William whispered, so that his thirteen-year-old brother would not hear, and start an argument, and his mum wouldn't hear and think badly of him.

'Not me, Lawrence; for the language department. You know that Mrs Jarvis is to retire in the summer.'

'Oh, wow, did you interview that bird you were showing around the school earlier? You've got to appoint her, mum. She's a looker.' Lawrence's attention was suddenly concentrated more on the conversation than music.

'Lawrence!' Caroline chastised, while trying valiantly to stifle a smile.

'Well, she is. Pretty. Cool. I can't wait to tell Angus.'

'I appreciate the prompting, Lawrence, but we will not be appointing anyone based on your verdict. You'll not mention anything to anyone until it's officially announced.' Caroline responded firmly while inwardly agreeing with her younger son's appraisal of Ms Katherine McKenzie.

ooOoo

Kate was more than disappointed not to be able to speak to her mum after she arrived home so she consoled herself by sending an e mail.

'Hi Mum. Hope you're ok. I tried to Skype but I was later home than planned so I knew that you'd have started your day. Anyway, you're there and I'm here and we're used to these hiccups. I knew you'd want to hear how I got on.

Problems on the road and I had a terrible journey - I was late even though I'd left plenty of time. Not a positive start but they were very kind and waited for me. I think it went well, as much as I could tell. The chair of the governors, Gavin something or other, seems a bit of a pedant but they were a friendly lot. Dr Caroline Elliot's the head and she's been in post for about six years I reckon, based on the things that she said. She showed me around after. Fab school, facilities and grounds. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and I hope you are too. I so, so want this job. It's time to move on, I need it. They promised that they'll let me know by tomorrow so only one sleepless night to deal with. It will be so good to be nearer dad too. Speak soon.

Lots of love

Kate

P.S. Dr E is a stunning blonde and you should see the height of the heels that she struts around in!'

Kate read her mum's trans-Atlantic reply while she pushed her muesli around her bowl the following morning.

'Hi Kate

So, pleased to get your e mail but sorry I missed your call. Speak when you get your news? I've an office day tomorrow and should be able to answer. You've stayed strong after a terrible few years and I'm so proud of you. If this is what you want, my fingers AND toes are all crossed. I know you want to be able to visit your dad more often. What a bonus that Sulgrave is closer to him. As for the head, behave yourself! I know your weakness for blondes with long legs.

Speak soon, sweetheart.

Mum x'

ooOoo

The subject of Kate's admiration shared a rather different exchange just before midnight.

'Hello? I hope I didn't wake you. It's John.'

'Yes, I guessed that.' Caroline tutted to herself while looking at his photo on the screen of her smartphone. 'It is late but you didn't wake me. Don't tell me you've been bonding with Francis Hilliard until this time?'

'I wish. No chance. He was rather distant and left me to some junior sidekick most of the afternoon. Caroline, I'm struggling. I really don't know what they want from me. Don't think they're keen. Again.' His speech was hesitant and his words were slurred.

'So, you thought you'd improve your chances by drowning your sorrows, did you? What would you say to Lawrence if he thought he could increase his science result by going to rugby training?'

'That's different. Don't nag, Caroline. I need a miracle before I meet them again tomorrow.'

'Oh John, you're not going to magically get what you want. Get to bed. Set your alarm and spend some proper time on your script before you go back to Kershaw and Whittle in the morning. It's what you do, John. You're an author. You write books; they won't write themselves.'

'How would I manage without you, Caroline. You're right. I'll have a bottle of water from the mini bar to help clear my head and I'll do as you say. I'm assuming that everything is alright there.' John was trying hard to placate his wife while at the same time exasperated with her lack of empathy so there was a hint of disdain in his answer.

'All fine. Well, sort of. Mother's been here for supper. She did nothing but moan about Aunt Muriel who'd made the mistake of ringing her up to say that she's had her yearly bonus from Uncle Frank's pension fund and she's off on a cruise. Deep joy. You know she's touchy about pensions because of my dad. The boys sneaked off to their rooms after we had eaten and left me to it. Can't say I blame them. Anyway, John, it is late and I need, you need, to get to bed so we're ready to face whatever tomorrow brings. I hope you have a better meeting. Just focus and it will be fine. OK? Night, night.'

'Celia and Muriel. A real case of blood not being thicker than water. Poor you. See you tomorrow. Night.'

As she shut off the call Caroline was suddenly overcome with overwhelming tiredness accompanied by an acute sense of loneliness. How she wished at that moment to have a sister or someone in whom she could confide. Here she was with such a full and successful life, surrounded by people day in and day out but it seemed mostly that everyone needed her for something and her responsibilities weighed heavily. There had been a time when she and John had been partners, equals, but where had that balance gone? What had happened to the times when they shared family decisions and made plans together? When she didn't feel like she was his nursemaid? Her relationship with her mother too was now increasingly one-sided. She seemed to have to carry, mollify, support, and direct them both and she wondered, not for the first time in recent weeks, how much longer she could continue to do so. Finding a way to have some 'me' time might be just what she needed.

John, meanwhile, in his London hotel room went to the mini bar to do as he had promised his wife. But, weak-willed and feckless, his eyes lit on the row of spirits instead. 'What the heck. A few snifters won't hurt. They are free after all.'

ooOoo

'Morning, Caroline. You're in early.' Beverley poked her head around the door of the inner office as she took off her coat.

'You know what they say about the early bird. I'm hoping to catch a language teacher, though, not a worm!'' came the reply.

'Decision made to appoint, by the sounds of it. That must be a weight off your mind. It's certainly a weight off mine! Coffee?'

'When have you known me to decline such an offer? I'm just going to 'phone Kate McKenzie while you do that and then we can sit and sort the practicalities.'

Caroline looked again at the application forms and made brief notes on what Beverley should write to those who would receive a rejection letter. Putting Kate McKenzie's form on the top of the pile she picked up the cordless 'phone and checked her watch at the same time. Hopefully Kate had not started her day. Indeed, she had not and picked up on the third ring.

'Hello.'

'Hello, is that Kate McKenzie?' A faint buzz and some traffic noise indicated that the call had probably been answered via a car's Bluetooth.

'Yes, it is. Dr Elliot?'

'It is. Is it ok to talk?' Caroline wondered if there might be others listening in and she did not want to cause Kate any embarrassment.

'Of course. No problem.'

'That's good. My hope was to speak to you before you started school. Thank you for coming to the interview yesterday and I hope you had a good journey home. In any case it's a long drive and you must be tired today. Anyway, enough procrastination! I'm sure you'll want to know our decision.'

Kate's hands were gripping the steering wheel and she breathed a sigh of relief that she was approaching some on-street parking. She indicated left before pulling in to an available space, breathed deeply and tried to stay calm.

'Yes, I would. I am. Like to know. I am tired, I mean. You're right on both counts, that is.' Pulling a face in the rear-view mirror Kate inwardly chastised herself for coming out with such an inarticulate reply before adding 'It would seem I have a better command of French than English! Sorry for the waffle, Dr Elliot.'

'That's ok, Kate. Anyway, we were all very impressed by you and without prolonging your agony any longer I hope you still feel positive about Sulgrave Heath because we would very much like you to join us from the autumn term.' Kate was not the only one feeling anxious and Caroline found herself crossing the fingers of her free hand while she waited for a response.

'Wow, that's wonderful. I would love to accept.'

'You don't need time to consider?' Caroline had not yet released the tension in her hand.

'Gosh, no. I'd decided yesterday that I'd accept if I was offered. I feel honoured to be given the opportunity to work at Sulgrave. I hope it doesn't sound arrogant but you will not regret your decision. I won't let you down.'

'I'll be the first one to congratulate you, then. I'm so pleased to hear that you want to teach here. You should know that we have faith in you too, or you and I would not be having this conversation! Promising news for both of us, or so it would seem. I'll get Beverley to type up the formal offer today. Please get back to us if there's anything you would like to discuss once you've read the letter and contract. The pay scale is as we advised you yesterday.' Caroline felt herself relax for the first time since she dialled Kate's number. Although her usual professional self, she thought again how much she enjoyed chatting to this relative stranger.

'Just one thing for now, Dr Elliot. Would it be possible to spend time at the school to meet some of the staff and pupils before my official start?'

'Of course. I suggest that you look at our term dates on the website. It's likely that yours may differ, if the state schools here are any indication, and we'll arrange something to suit us both. Excellent idea. Oh, as you're going to be on staff, please call me 'Caroline' from now on. Have a good day, Kate.'

'Thank you. You too, Caroline.'


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N Thanks to all of you who are joining me for this ride. It's good to have your feedback and encouragement. Can you believe it's over three years since I posted the first chapter of 'I will stay'? I thought this story might be three or four chapters long but it seems to have developed a life all of its own! That's K & C magic for you - nothing comes close. **

Chapter 3

'Oh shit!' John exclaimed loudly. 'Not helpful.' He pushed the library chair onto its two back legs and stared at the ceiling for several seconds before recollecting that this was not the example he should be giving to the students around him in the University library. He shrugged and laughed self-consciously, having realised that his behaviour was not going unnoticed. As he turned to retrieve his laptop bag from the back of the nearby chair he saw that his favourite librarian was on duty. 'She might just save the day and if not, it will be worth trying!' he thought as he walked across to where she was standing, with her back to him.

'Judith! Just the person.'

The slightly younger, dark-haired woman turned towards him and smiled.

'Well, Mr Elliot, no less. How might I be of service?'

'Oh, formal today, aren't we?!' he smirked.

'Well, John, what wish might I grant, professionally speaking, that is?'

'My laptop battery is flat and I don't have a pen. Any chance I could borrow one from you? I'll give it back next time I'm here.'

'I've lost count of the number of times I've heard that one. If you had any idea how tight fisted the procurement office is about such things, you wouldn't ask. Here, let me look. I bring my own.'

For the first time John realised that Judith had one of her typically flamboyant bags on her shoulder.

'Off out or on your way in?'

'Just off to lunch.'

'Oh, fancy some company? I'll treat you to a sandwich in the cafeteria.'

'Make that a glass or two of white in the 'Gardener's Arms' and you're on.'

'Ok. As long as you agree to give me the pen!'

They walked animatedly to the nearby public house and John led her to a small table in the corner of the snug, away from most of the other customers, before he walked to the bar to buy a bottle of white wine. Judith took the opportunity to take a swig from a small flask that she kept at the bottom of her bag and then re-applied her lipstick.

'Here's a pen for you,' she smiled, as he returned to the table. 'Free gift to the penny-pinching English department.'

'I wasn't in the library for departmental work. I'm trying to develop some bits in my next novel. I find I work better in the quiet of the library than in my office or at home. Fewer distractions, I guess.' He winked as he filled their glasses. 'Well, most of the time!'

'If you want help to understand the workings of a library or a woman's mind, I'm at your service!'

John laughed loudly and briefly touched her hand as he handed over a glass of wine.

'Greece. That's what I need help with. My novel's based in ancient Greece but my publisher wants me to do a bit of a twist and tie it in with the here and now. You know, flashback or fast-forward crap that seems to be all the rage.'

'Well, that might be something else I can help you with. Seriously.' She emptied half of the glass in one swallow. 'I'm a quarter Greek; that's where my hair colour and its texture come from.' With her free hand she flicked the long fringe away from her eyes and watched the response from her companion before continuing. 'My Yaya lives there, in Kefalonia. That's my dad's mum. I visit her every summer at the end of August. Free holiday. Plenty of Ouzo! What do you need to know?'

So it was that an hour in Judith's company passed quickly and John had a spring in his step and a lightness to his mood as they set off back to the campus. Agreeing to meet again later in the week, ostensibly for further discussion about his book, John decided not to go back to work. He had an idea and, as was usual for him, he wanted to set wheels in motion sooner rather than later.

ooOoo

As Caroline opened the front door she could smell the aroma of something cooking. Her mouth watered and she headed straight for the kitchen, the boys following closely. The kitchen was in total disarray but the smells were even better than she had first sensed. Garlic, mint, cinnamon and, she was sure, many others that she could not yet distinguish. She was quietly impressed.

'Well, hello, family! I hope you're hungry. I'm cooking.'

'No shit, Sherlock!' exclaimed his wife. 'What have we done to warrant this?'

'Well, you asked me to support you more and this is one thing that I can do. I hope it will meet with your approval. It's Greek meatballs and appropriate accompaniments. I think we'll have enough for a couple of days. We can always put it in the freezer if there's any left as it's all fresh ingredients. Would Celia like to come around, do you think?'

Caroline was astounded. She had challenged John the previous day, after his return from London, explaining how she felt that he had reduced the level of his responsibility to the point where she seemed like a single parent most of the time. Moreover, it was if she had three children to supervise not two. She wasn't sure that he had taken her feelings on board but the evidence before her indicated that she had been wrong. At least, this looked like a step in the right direction. The boys were also surprised at their father's efforts. While he could never do any wrong in Lawrence's eyes, William was more observant and less enamoured of his father's behaviour. But even he could not deny the effort that had been exerted.

'Well done, dad. I like Greek food.' William acknowledged quietly while Lawrence high-fived his dad.

'How about pouring yourself a glass and one for me please?' John suggested to his wife.

'Yes, will do. I thought I might go upstairs to change first, though. Is there time? How about William or Lawrence going through to next door and checking with mum and the other one setting the table while I do that?'

It was then that Caroline noticed the holiday brochures on the worktop.

'Holiday brochures? Is this another surprise?'

'Yup. Greek food. Greek holiday? Someone at the University was talking about Kefalonia today and it seemed just right for us. I could do with immersing myself in the culture to help my creative juices and we all like the sunshine. We haven't booked anything for the summer yet and we'll just have the dregs to choose from if we're not careful.'

'Oh, yes!' shouted Lawrence. 'Two weeks, yes, please!'

'Did you say Kefalonia?' asked William. 'That's the island in Captain Corelli's Mandolin. I'd really like to experience it for myself.'

'It would seem the men in my life have made the decision! Right. I'm off to get changed. William, go and ask your Gran if she fancies meatballs.'

ooOoo

'Caroline, is there anything else you want done before I head off?'

A shake of the head came before the reply. 'No, thank you, Beverley. I'm not going to be long myself. John's away at another review with his publisher and I don't like the boys to have dinner too late. Plus, I'm hoping to get some bedding plants in. Mum chose hundreds of them at the garden centre last week and they're still waiting for my attention. I'll see you tomorrow.'

'If I can walk, you'll see me!'

The head looked up to check that her assistant was joking. 'What are YOU going to be up to?!'

'Pilates. My neighbour teaches it and she has persuaded me to give it a try. I've put a notice in the staff room in case anyone else is interested. She's independent, not a franchise, doing it long before it became fashionable, so I'm not sure how I've managed to avoid her for so long! Fancy giving it a go?'

'No; the boys.'

'She does two evening classes in Harrogate every week, so you'd better come up with a better excuse than that!'

'Tell you what, I'll think about it. I'll see how you cope before I commit myself! See you tomorrow.'

'Yes, you will. Have a good evening. Oh, have you remembered that Kate McKenzie will be spending some time here tomorrow?'

'Goodness me, I had forgotten. Where has the time gone since her interview.'

'She said the same when I spoke to her. It's over two months, believe it or not. She'll be here by midday. Jeremy has arranged a few activities for her and she'll have lunch in the canteen. All sorted. Well, I'm off to get my leggings on! Bye.'

On the way to meet the boys Caroline called in at the staff room to look at the Pilates notice. There were classes in other towns and she put those details in her 'phone. This was something that she had been thinking of doing, but she didn't want to tell Beverley that. Neither did she want to go when other staff might be there. The reason for doing a Pilates class would be to get away from responsibilities, not to shadow them.

ooOoo

'Can Lawrence and I go to the cinema straight from school?' William asked at breakfast. 'We can pick up a McDonalds while we're out, so you won't have to cook for us. It's a Friday so we can do homework at the weekend.'

'You seem to have it all sorted but why don't you go to the cinema tomorrow instead?' Caroline was not averse to William's suggestion but wondered at the unusual request.

'Lawrence is playing cricket in Huddersfield and I've promised Gran I'll go with her to buy an iPhone.'

'iPhone? Whatever does she need one of those for? She won't know how to use it. And, why didn't she ask me?'

'I think it's because she knew what your reaction might be!' William chuckled.

'Well, she's not wrong there then!' She ruffled William's hair and smiled. 'Yes, you can go to the cinema. As for shopping with your Gran? You need a medal! Trust me, even your good nature will be tested. I guess I should be rewarding you for saving me the bother as long as you do your best to stop her wasting too much money.'

William dashed from the kitchen to tell Lawrence the good news and Caroline sat at the breakfast bar with the remnants of her coffee.

'Smart phone! Whatever next?'

ooOoo

At the end of the day Caroline struggled down the steps from the school, laden with her bag as well as those of William and Lawrence. The boys had gone off to the cinema and left Caroline to take their belongings home. She loaded the boot and settled into the Jeep to drive home. Looking across the car park she noticed a car that she did not recognise.

'Who can that be?' she questioned herself before her memory came to the rescue. It was Kate McKenzie's car. Querying why Kate was still in school, when she knew that the teaching staff had already gone, Caroline thought that she should check that all was ok and got out of the car again.

Kate saw her approach and lowered the driver's window.

'Hello Kate. I thought it was you. I'm sorry I haven't caught up with you today. Was everything ok? Is everything ok?'

'It was fine. I've been looked after very well. Come September it will be good to have had the time here today. I guess you are wondering why I'm still in the car park when everyone else has gone. I've spent the last day and a half house-hunting without success, but the estate agent just phoned me to say that a cottage has come back onto their books and asked if I want to view. I was looking on Google maps but I can't find it.' Kate showed Caroline the address that she had written down.

'That's a relatively easy drive. I have no idea why Google has let you down but I can help. Do you want to follow me?'

'I can't ask you to do that. Pointing me in the right direction should be good enough.'

'I really don't mind, Kate. That's my side of Harrogate and I'll not really be going out of my way. Besides, I'll find that easier to do that than giving you directions. What time have you got to be there?'

Kate looked at her watch. 'The owners are expecting me in about half an hour. Have we got time?'

'No problem even with the traffic at this time of day. I'll look out for you at junctions to make sure I don't leave you behind.' With that she headed back to her Jeep before Kate declined her help again.

Twenty minutes later Caroline pulled up outside the cottage. Kate was not far behind and once she had parked she walked towards the Jeep.

'I'm keeping my fingers crossed that this is ok. I haven't been impressed by anything so far which is worrying as I've sold my house already and time is getting on. Mind you, it's not great looking at houses on your own.'

'I see that. Tell you what. I don't want to interfere and understand if you don't want me to, but I'd be more than happy to look around with you.'

'You don't want to do that. I'm sure you've got better things to do with your time. Start your weekend now!'

Caroline quickly ran through what the evening had in store for her. The boys were out. John was away. Her mother… could manage without her.

'To be honest with you, Kate, I love houses and to go house-hunting, without the personal stress that normally accompanies it, sounds like an enjoyable way to spend an hour. I'm game, if it's not intruding.' The decision was made and Caroline followed Kate to the house along a slightly curved path which ran beside a well-kept lawn.

The cottage was beautiful and Kate thought it was ideal for her needs. While she re-inspected the bedrooms, Caroline wandered around the garden and they met again by the front door. Kate hid her feelings until they reached the pavement, when her smile said it all.

'It's perfect for me. Don't you agree?'

'I don't know your circumstances, Kate, but it is certainly a lovely house. It seems excellent value for the area.'

'It is. That's an essential part of the jigsaw too. I can afford it! Also, I don't know if you overheard the conversation but they're on a tight deadline to move as they were let down by a previous buyer which is why it has suddenly come back on the market today. They've already signed a contract to move into rented accommodation in Wales while they have a house built near their daughter so the sooner they sell and release the equity the sooner they can start to build. Plus, they don't want to be paying rent on a house that they are not living in. I'll get straight onto the estate agents before I start the drive home.'

'Well done and for the second time in as many months, I'll be the first to offer my congratulations to you. I'm pleased for you, Kate. Can you find your way back to the main road from here?'

'I can, and thank you. If I believed in such things I would say that you've brought me luck. See you in about two months' time.'

'Looking forward to it, Kate. Safe journey.' With that Caroline climbed into her Jeep and started the engine. As she drove away she looked back at Kate with a mix of sadness and joy.

'


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Excitement and anxiety were joint leaders with exhaustion in Kate's timeline as the summer term came towards it end. She was determined to leave her post in good shape for the new incumbent and, with every hour worked after school to achieve this, trusted that someone was doing the same for her at Sulgrave Heath. Kate also needed to contend with the packing of her house contents as the move was scheduled for the first week of the holidays. There were many evenings when she went from one task to another via a hastily prepared meal or take-away. She was eagerly looking forward to a short breather in mid-August when, hopefully, she would be settled in Harrogate and could enjoy her mum's visit from her home in New York.

So, it was that on 10th August Kate felt herself engulfed by her mother's hug at one of Manchester airport's arrival gates just as Caroline, John, Celia and the boys were boarding a plane at a different terminal in the same airport for their holiday to the Greek island of Kefalonia.

ooOoo

For a few years after her husband died Celia had been invited to accompany the family on their annual holiday but this tradition had stopped when either their choice of country or resort failed to meet her exacting standards. However, on this occasion, she was thrilled to learn of the family's plans and, through some shrewd hints dropped to William, was counted amongst the numbers when the booking was made.

While the destination had been unanimously agreed, the timing of the trip had been a bone of contention. Caroline's preference was to go away at the very start of the school holidays to ensure that she could be back at Sulgrave when both the GCSE and A level examination results were given out. On this occasion, however, John was insistent that he could not go away until August, citing some crucial need to be around for meetings with his publisher. This had caused heated discussions over many days.

'But, there's internet. There are phones; you could even Skype. It doesn't make sense, John. For another thing, the holiday will be dearer once the state schools have broken up. It's not that we can't afford it, but it irks me to pay more for something that we could get for less. And William. It's not just that I won't be in school to celebrate with the pupils and staff. This year, John, of all years. This year it will be William who will be losing out on being there to share results day with his friends. For goodness sake! What planet are you on?' Caroline seethed and reiterated her reasoning to no avail.

'I know all that, Caroline. You're speaking to the converted, but Francis is insistent that I'm about until mid-August. Perhaps you'd better go without me. You'll have Celia for company and the boys don't need me to be there.' John pouted peevishly during the exchange.

William had overheard some of the conversation and interrupted to assure his mum that he was not worried about being in school to collect his results. He knew that his younger brother would be disappointed not to have John with them. John's proposal was, therefore, carried and he breathed an inward sigh of relief that Caroline had not taken him up on his suggestion that he should miss out on the holiday.

Once they had arrived at their destination all memories of dissent were forgotten. The villa and nearby resort were first-class and John was congratulated by the family for his choice on more than one occasion.

'You can make the holiday decisions again, John,' stated his wife on the second day of the holiday when they were enjoying the last of the evening warmth in the villa's courtyard. She held up her wine glass as a toast to him before sipping its contents.

'Yup. Pops is the tops!' added Lawrence. He went to high-five his dad but John's aim was off and they both collapsed in a fit of the giggles.

Celia rose unsteadily from her lounger and kissed the top of Caroline's head. 'I'm off to bed. I need my beauty sleep ready for trip to the caves tomorrow. Night everyone.'

'Caves? What's that about?' questioned the hero of the hour, suddenly less inebriated than he had appeared to be a few seconds before.

'There's some special caves. Oh, Caroline, you tell him the details. I'm a bit tired. Or maybe tipsy!' Celia returned to her seat and stared disapprovingly in the general direction of her son-in-law.

'John, you must remember. That's one of the recommended sites on the island. We chose to go tomorrow because there's an escorted trip from the village and that will save hiring a car, which neither of us wanted to do. I can't believe you've forgotten.' Caroline was what many might call 'happily married' but she was increasingly aware how easily John disrupted their wellbeing by his inattention, which bordered on self-centredness.

'I can't forget what I didn't know. I can't go tomorrow. I've made plans to meet up with a local historian. Now whose memory's failing? I can't believe you would make plans without speaking to me.' John wriggled uneasily in his chair, poured himself more wine and took a large swig. He appeared excessively flustered over something that would not take much reorganisation.

'That's ok. We'll rebook. We haven't bought the tickets yet. I thought it was next Wednesday that…' Caroline was reluctant to allow anything to disturb their holiday and smothered her feelings accordingly.

'No, we have bought tickets; or rather, I have,' interrupted William. 'Gran gave me the money to do it when I walked to the village with Lawrence. Didn't you, Gran?'

'I did. My treat. I was anxious in case they didn't have enough seats if we left it until the day. Can't you put the guide chappie off?' Her penetrating gaze was now firmly fixed on her son-in-law.

'No, I can't. In actual fact, I don't have a contact number for him. This, if you remember Caroline, was organised before we left the UK.'

'Well you said you'd got something organised, I agree. But as I was saying I thought it was Wednesday of our second week here. I'm sorry, I am, if I've made a mistake. Still, no harm done. Caves aren't your thing anyway, are they? You get claustrophobic in a slow lift. You do your thing and we'll do ours. That way at least they'll only be one ticket wasted.'

'No, I don't want you to go without me. I'll pay for us to go another day if you're worried about your mother losing money. You stay here and I'll see my fr.., guide, and we'll all go caving another day.'

Celia may have been slightly inebriated, but she remained a perceptive mother-in-law. She was not fond of John and had never really trusted him. She kept her thoughts to herself but knew a rat when she smelled one. What was he up to? She hoped that Caroline would be both alert and assertive enough to thwart his plans, whatever they might be.

'Let's NOT do that. I think we're all looking forward to the trip. We'll do our separate things tomorrow and if the caves are worth seeing I'll be happy to go with you another day so that you don't miss out.' While striving for harmony, she did not agree in appeasement.

John had been married long enough to know when an argument was beyond his ability to win, which was most of the time where his wife was concerned. He was angry and anxious but felt the best course of action would be to hide his feelings, knowing that his persistence might cause uncomfortable questioning.

'Oh, ok. If you don't mind.' He reached out to stroke the back of Caroline's shoulders. In front of his boys he wanted to appear the conciliator.

Caroline had been married long enough to know when John was being devious, and she was not taken in by his sudden acquiescence. She tucked her suspicion away for further investigation when the time was right.

ooOoo

'I can't think of a word to describe the colours of the water. I hope the camera caught the light. If I live to see 100 I don't think, I'll ever see anything so dramatic as when the sun shone through at midday. It was well worth making the effort to climb onto that boat.' Celia was finding it hard to contain her exhilaration as they walked back towards the rendezvous point for the coach. The trip to the Melissani cave had been a resounding success and even the teenagers agreed with their Gran's assessment.

'It was great, Gran. Mind you, I thought you were going to fall in when that wave came just as you were perched with one leg in the boat and one out!' Lawrence had taken a video of the incident to capture his brother's flustered attempts to help, but decided to keep that piece of information to himself.

'The whole island is certainly recharging my batteries and we've been here less than 72 hours,' Caroline agreed. Even the crowds don't spoil the tranquillity.' This proved to be a premature declaration as at that moment a motor-bike came past, revs screaming against its relatively slow speed, and all eyes were drawn towards it.

While the faces of those on the bike were hidden by visors, the bright yellow Bermuda shorts and pasty, hairy legs of the pillion passenger were unmistakably those of John Elliot. Thick black hair billowed out of the bottom of the driver's helmet. Denim shorts showed off slender legs, which led to creamy, canvas sandals. The bike revved again and within a few seconds disappeared.

'John!' 'Dad!' 'What the hell!' exploded from his family as realisation struck. The object of their bewilderment was oblivious to it all. He was diverted by the excitement of the ride and the thrill of clutching smooth upper thighs.

Lawrence alone was delighted at the spectacle they had just witnessed. Holding his father in high regard, this was a further cause for hero-worship. His exhilaration was soon quieted by his mum.

'Tomfoolery. If he had come of the bike, bare legged, what chance of avoiding significant injury? That's behaviour to be derided, Lawrence, not celebrated.'

Lawrence's voice was silenced but his opinion not quashed. He couldn't wait to ask his dad about the motor bike but reasoned that he would have to wait until his mum was out of earshot.

As circumstances would have it, they were unable to sit together on the coach and no further discussion took place although each one continued to think on the recent event.

'Hello, everyone. How were the caves?' John was sunning himself by the pool on their return to the villa.

Celia was first to speak. 'Just wonderful. Tranquil and beautiful don't quite manage to cover it. Until we had traffic to contend with, that is.'

'Goodness; sorry to hear that. I hope it wasn't bad enough to spoil your day.'

'Well, motorbikes are disruptively noisy, aren't they?' Caroline chimed in tetchily.

The boys sensed this atmospheric change and made themselves scarce. John, too, was alert to the incoming tirade and his face fell briefly before he recollected that he needed to make sure that his conscience did not betray him.

'Well, fancy you saying that. I had a ride on one today, believe it or not. What a coincidence. My guide took me to a village off the beaten track and apart from a tractor that's the only way to get there.' He reasoned that honesty, as far as it went, was his best defence. After all, what was wrong with having a bike ride and if they had seen him, there was nothing condemning in what they would have seen.

'So, who did the driving?' Caroline determined that her questions would be direct. Her senses continued to whisper that there was something amiss and although she might have fared better by being devious, her natural inclination let her down.

'My guide. Jude.'

'Nice legs, Jude has; for a man.'

John was now sure that a pit was waiting for him should he try to deceive, and he was determined not to fall into it.

'Yes, nice legs but most definitely not a man! You could have knocked me down with a feather when a woman met me and said she was Jude. Must be short for something. Didn't ask. Judith, maybe. Anyway, a worthwhile day. It served me well.' Little did John know then that using the librarian's real name would return to condemn him at a later date.

Celia was not convinced that the whole truth was out but decided to keep her council from John and from her daughter.

Caroline thought through the situation when she went to shower in preparation for a meal in a local restaurant. Sifting through the facts as the water cascaded down she thought she was foolish to worry. Yes, he had been evasive the previous evening when discussing the plans for the day, but they had all drunk a good quantity of alcohol and had too much sun which was bound to have affected his behaviour and her reasoning. Yes, he was an inveterate flirt but never having any reason before to doubt his faithfulness, she could not suppose that a few hours spent with a female Greek guide, who he would probably never meet again, was worth her concern.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

'Can you hang this out when the cycle finishes?' questioned Caroline of her husband as she closed the washing machine door. 'It would be a shame to miss the sunshine.'

John glanced up from his laptop and scowled. 'Well, how long is that going to take? I was intending to go to the library this morning. My brain is in gear and I'll be able to concentrate better there.'

Caroline pointed to the display. 'See for yourself. One hour fifty. It's the last of the holiday laundry. Goodness knows why it's taken me four days to get it done. By the way, there's no need to go to the library for peace and quiet. I'm off to work and mum wanted to take William out to lunch to celebrate his results. She's dropping Lawrence to Angus' house on the way.'

John stared into the distance, as if the tiled kitchen wall was non-existent. 'Ah, holiday. Yes, ok. No, I'll still go out.' He looked at his watch to calculate the timing of the given task. 'Just to let you know, I've just had an e-mail from Hilliard. God alone knows why but he's booked me on a seminar on the ancient Greeks for the third weekend in September. It's in Cardiff so I'll have go by train on the Friday; and he wants to see me in London on the last day of the month. So, I really need to put pen to paper.'

'Um. Shouldn't that be fingers to the keyboard? No, that's fine. Just put it on the calendar. Right, I'll be off. Oh, don't forget it's my Pilates class tonight.'

'Pilates!' he scoffed. 'I still don't understand why you need to do that. There's no one with better balance than you. The height of your stilettos is proof of that.'

Caroline looked down at the flats that she was wearing with three-quarter length linen trousers and shrugged her shoulders. 'It's 'me-time', John. If I get any health benefits from it, so much the better. But most importantly it's an hour for me away from all responsibilities. I enjoyed the few classes that I did before our holiday and fully intend to continue. See you later. We'll need to eat by a quarter to six at the latest. Bye.'

Caroline drove into her parking spot at Sulgrave, looking at the building with pleasure. It was her home-from-home and despite what she had said to John about responsibilities, this was often where she shed worries rather than gain them. As she climbed out of her car she was pleased to see just a few other cars and one van parked up. She knew from that she wouldn't be unduly disturbed. Her first action was to check the builders' progress on the refitting of the boys' changing rooms. Satisfied that this would be completed in time for the start of term, she made herself a coffee with powdered milk before seeking the quiet of her office. Four hours rushed by, but they were spent constructively and Caroline was pleased with her achievement.

'E mails to check and I'll finish,' the blonde said to herself.

She deleted or forwarded messages as appropriate and highlighted those which needed her action. Amongst the messages that she forwarded to Beverley was one from Kate McKenzie, advising of her change of address and landline number. She smiled with relief that it was not a message to say that she had changed her mind about joining Sulgrave. Within three quarters of an hour she was back at the Jeep and heading home. Noticing that she was low on fuel Caroline pulled into a garage to fill up. She went to pay and, on a whim, chose a card from the dusty, sparse display. Once back at the car she wrote a brief message and added a name on the envelope, smiling at her initiative.

Her memory did not fail, and she easily found her way to the pretty cottage now the home of Kate McKenzie. She heard the gate close as she dropped the card through the letterbox and she turned towards the noise as Kate rounded the curve in the path.

'Dr Elliot! Caroline!'

'Kate!'

'I wasn't expected to see you until after the weekend.' Kate continued.

'Likewise. I just called to drop a card through your door.'

'Oh, that's kind.'

Caroline had not moved and, now side by side on the narrow path, they looked awkwardly at one another; neither one quite sure what to say or do. Caroline was the first to recover herself.

'I hope you've settled in ok. Is it all that you thought it would be.' Briefly she turned away from Kate to look at the house.

'All that and more. It's lovely.' She paused as if to consider something. 'What am I thinking? Please, would you like to come in for a drink of something?'

Caroline giggled. 'I seem to keep inviting myself into your home by default!'

'Don't be silly. Sorry, don't know if I should say that to my boss especially one who's a doctor!'

'Not officially your boss until 1st September so feel free! I won't hold it against you. And yes, I'd love a cuppa. I've been into work and haven't had a decent drink since breakfast. I'd love a coffee. if you've managed to unpack the kettle, that is!'

The conversation between the two women flowed easily and although they kept largely on school-related topics, Caroline learned that Kate was single, having divorced the previous year. She also found out that Kate loved 80s soul music (from the selection of CDs sitting on the kitchen worktop), had a passion for plain chocolate digestive biscuits and mugs with bright, abstract designs. Kate discovered that Caroline had recently returned from a holiday with her family and that the younger of her two sons would be in Kate's form group. They sat on a small bench in the corner of the back garden, enjoying the sunshine and the company of a robin who was brave enough to stare at them from the nearby trellis which supported a sweet-smelling clematis.

Having finished her coffee Caroline felt that she had interrupted Kate's day long enough and stood to go. Picking up her handbag she noticed a pair of glasses at the side of the seat and handed them to Kate.

'Sorry, Kate, my bag's been resting on them. Seems like they're still in one piece.'

Kate took one look at the spectacles and tears began to trickle down each cheek. Caroline was at a loss what to say or do. As someone who covered her own sadness with sarcasm or anger rather than display it, she tended to over-think how to manage it in others, apart from her boys. Within a few seconds Kate regained her composure long enough to tell Caroline that the glasses did not belong to her before the tears flowed again. This time Caroline's instincts kicked in and she placed a comforting arm around the shoulders of a distraught Kate.

'Oh, Kate. What's up? How can I help?' She waited for a response while directing Kate back onto the bench. Her patience was rewarded.

'They're not mine. They're my mum's reading specs. She brings about half a dozen pairs when she visits because she's always losing them! I took her back to the airport earlier.' She took a tissue from her trouser pocket, wiped her eyes and blew her nose.

Now more collected, Kate went on to explain that her mother lived and worked in America. Having been born in Nigeria she had come to the UK to study, stayed after qualifying and for the last ten years had been head of humanities at an International school in New York.

'No wonder you're upset. As much as I moan about my mum, I think I'd miss her if she was on the other side of the Atlantic. Mind you, it would be nice to try out my theory!' Caroline sensed that Kate would appreciate her humour as a lightening of the gloom. Feeling self-conscious that her arm still rested around Kate's shoulders she moved it, feigning a need to tuck her hair back into its clip.

'I'm sorry, Caroline. Whatever must you think of me? I can assure you that I'm not usually so flaky.'

'What I think of you is that you're human. Apart from missing your mum, you've had a pretty hectic and unsettled few weeks.'

'Thank you.'

A silence descended again to discomfit the women. Caroline was totally surprised to hear herself ask Kate if she was doing anything that evening. Her blue eyes looked directly at Kate and radiated warmth and compassion.

'More unpacking!'

'Well, may I suggest, and this may totally not be your thing. Well, not mine either in one way. Sorry, for the waffling. But the thing is, I've recently started to attend a Pilates class. Fancy coming along? I don't know anyone there and I stand at the back of the hall so I'm not watched. Just in case you think that I'll show you up!'

Kate felt overwhelmed with the kindness being shown by the woman sitting beside her but the physical attraction that she had felt since their first meeting meant that she needed to tread carefully. It would an inauspicious start to their working relationship if she misinterpreted Caroline's offer as anything more than empathy. At the same time, she knew enough to be sure that Caroline was not one to say something for the sake of it.

'I seem to be making as much a habit of taking up your time as you do of inviting yourself into my house!' Kate's response echoed Caroline's humour.

'Well, we're even then. Can you be ready for 6.30? I'll pick you up, so you'll know the way if you want to go again. Ok?'

'Ok as long as you're not kidding me about your lack of expertise!'


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

The new term saw William become a sixth-former and having achieved excellent GCSE exam results he started out with some much-needed confidence. Lawrence could not match the academic achievement of his brother, so he loved autumn term and the start of the rugby season for the opportunity it gave him to shine. Caroline, as always, put her heart and soul into her role. Applications to Sulgrave far exceeded the availability of places and her project for the year was to explore ways to increase intake without huge capital expenditure. While John was not back at University for some weeks, he seemed to spend every waking minute there, often late home citing some progress or hiccup with his book which warranted his attention. When he was at home he appeared distracted and Caroline pondered that the improvement in the level of his support had not survived the summer. She put it down to John being absorbed in his novel, knowing that he had already exceeded his publisher's deadline.

Caroline saw little of Kate during her first week of employment but knew from Jeremy that she had settled in extremely well and was showing initiative with some struggling students. Lawrence's initial enthusiasm for his form tutor soon deteriorated. Kate, unlike some new teachers in the past, made no concession because he was the head's son and he was the first in his group to be given a lunchtime detention. He was less than impressed and from that moment there was perceptible antipathy on his part. He sought solace from his dad as he knew better than to voice his feelings to his mum.

'It's not fair, dad. It's like she's made an example of me to deter the others. I reckon she thinks that if they see her punishing me they'll think twice about misbehaving.' Lawrence off-loaded to John on a rare occasion that his dad had picked him up from his friend's house. 'Anyway, Angus reckons she's a lesbian. Toby Roberts in year ten got a detention from McKenzie because he called Jason Knight a poofter. That's bang out of order because everyone knows that he is. She's obviously standing up for her own.'

His dad was only half-listening to Lawrence's rant. His eye was on the clock and he no sooner dropped his son at Conway Drive than he headed out again, saying that he'd left his laptop in his University room. Lawrence had forgotten his key and had to wait in the rain for someone to open the door.

'Where's your key? Where's your dad?' questioned his mum as she headed back to the kitchen.

'I think I must have left it at Angus's. Dad's gone to get his laptop.'

'He's what? It's here. I've just moved it off the table. Honest to goodness. I was just about to serve the dinner.'

Not the first such conversation she had overheard since their return from Kefalonia, Celia listened to it all, with growing concern and a sense of déjà vu.

ooOoo

Kate had enjoyed the Pilates class and decided to continue. On the second week she made her own way to the village hall and her only real contact with her head teacher was during the short interval. She was pleased that their conversation remained comfortably informal even though Caroline was now officially her employer. Kate was aware that some Sulgrave staff attended a class in Harrogate itself, but she had not wanted Caroline to think she was avoiding her by transferring to another venue. To be truthful, neither did she want to lose the opportunity to see Caroline out of school. Aware that this was a sensitive issue, she had not mentioned anything to the other staff about the class and assumed Caroline thought similarly.

At the end of the class Kate decided to tag along with those who planned to decamp to the nearby pub, feeling that it gave her an opportunity to make some new friends. Caroline appeared to be undecided when one of the others asked her if she wanted to join them.

'Um, well, not sure; no. I don't think I will, thanks for asking. Maybe another week.'

'The more the merrier but no pressure,' replied the twenty-something, bubbly woman who sported bright pink stripes in her blonde fringe. 'Right, all the mats have been put away so I'm ready. Who else is thirsty?'

As Caroline left the hall she turned to say goodbye to Kate before heading to the car park.

'Are you sure you don't want to come, Caroline? You seemed indecisive.'

Caroline caught Kate's arm to lead her slightly further away from the others.

'A small glass of red is just what this doctor would order but I can't, Kate.' She dropped her voice to a whisper. 'I didn't bring my purse.'

Kate returned the shy smile that was directed her way.

'If that's the only reason please let me pay.' Instantly realising that this would not be acceptable to her boss, she quickly added 'Or you can borrow some cash from me.'

Caroline began to regret her honesty. Attending a Pilates class with a member of staff was one thing, but she wondered whether it was a step too far for them to go for a drink together, even though it would be as part of a group. Kate sensed her discomfort.

'I understand if any of this puts you in a difficult position, but I promise you that I'm good at keeping confidences. I'd not mention this to anyone at school.'

'Are you sure? Sure you can loan me the cash, I mean? I can give it back to you tomorrow.'

'Have you got your passport with you?'

Caroline looked perplexed. 'Passport? Who are you trying to flatter? I certainly don't need that to prove my age in the pub!'

'No, surrender your passport so you can't leave the country and I'll trust you with a crisp twenty; no interest! Come on, I'm in dire need of a cold cider.'

ooOoo

'Caroline, have you seen my grey suit trousers?' John was packing a bag for his trip to Cardiff, two Thursdays later.

'Suit trousers? I haven't seen you in anything but jeans or chinos in years. Well, apart from hideous Y-fronts, that is.'

'So, they should be in my wardrobe. My jacket's there but not the trousers. Damn!'

Caroline came out of the en-suite to join her husband in the bedroom.

'Sorry, John, I haven't got time to look for you. I'm going to be late. They've got to be there somewhere.'

An inaudible response came from the depths of the wardrobe. Caroline didn't ask him to repeat it, correctly supposing that it was not going to be something she'd want to hear.

'Oh, John, I almost forgot. I need to use your car. You've parked up behind the Jeep and mum's parked so awkwardly that I can't manoeuvre. Plus, I've a headlight out and don't fancy country roads on one beam.'

John stepped out of the wardrobe in a hurry, knocking his head on one of the metal door hinges as he did so.

'Shit!' he moaned, rubbing his left temple. 'That hurt.'

'Cold flannel will do the trick. The quicker the better. Here, sit on the bed and I'll do it.'

The compress was soon in place. There was a very small abrasion but Caroline had no real concern for his wellbeing.

'You'll live, as my mum would say. Oh, you've had your hair cut,' she commented as she studied the wound.

'I have,' he replied, quickly moving away from the topic while rummaging in a pocket for his car keys. 'Here you go. Might come and take a photo of the glorious Dr Elliot driving my heap!'

'You wouldn't dare. Get back to the wardrobe to find the missing trousers. See you later.'

John returned to the task in hand but a few minutes later he stopped in his tracks, straightened up and practically flew out of the bedroom. Taking the stairs two at a time he was soon at the front door, opening it wide.

'Oh shit, shit, shit,' he yelled as he realised he was too late and his car was pulling out of the drive.

ooOoo

Kate was waiting at her garden gate as Caroline pulled up although she had to look twice to check who was driving before she opened the car door.

'Thanks for picking me up, Caroline. The garage didn't have the new part to put my car back on the road today. Didn't know you'd come in disguise, though?!'

'Don't. I hate driving this wreck. I apologise in advance for the state of it. Come on, jump in before your new neighbours notice and you lose your street-cred.'

The women enjoyed the hour of Pilates and once again joined in with the trip to the pub. They found that the others left space for them to sit together, obviously recognising a connection outside of the Pilates class. Caroline was in awe of the way that Kate chatted so easily, comparing her own ability and finding it wanting. She managed to join in confidently when the subject matter was something formal or academic, but, struggling with small talk, was content at times to enjoy her glass of wine and listen to what was going on around her.

'You in a relationship?' she heard someone ask.

'Me? No.' Kate replied, answering before she had time to realise the cheek of the question.

'Seriously? Not you two?' came further questioning. Caroline turned to see the impertinent woman, who was there for the first time, waggling her finger between the two of them.

Kate burst out laughing. Caroline's chin dropped and her wine glass came to a stop an inch or two away from her gaping mouth.

'No, we're colleagues.'

'That's surprised me; you seem so good together.'

Kate laughed again and muttered something about gaydar that Caroline didn't quite catch.

The evening came to an end shortly afterwards. Kate noticed that Caroline seemed to have become withdrawn and made a guess as to what was on her mind.

'You ok?' she asked as they settled in the car for the drive back to Harrogate.

'Yes, what makes you think I'm not?'

'I thought you seemed extra quiet after Mrs Busybody Matchmaker's comments. Oh, what have I kicked?'

Kate leant down and picked up a small item from the footwell. 'Oh, it's a book. Captain Corelli's Mandolin. Terrific book, terrible film.'

Caroline reached over and took the book from Kate. She turned on the interior car light to look more closely.

'Must be William's although I don't quite know why it's in John's car.' She opened the book and saw that there was an inscription, which she read quickly without comment to her companion.

'To John. Glad you enjoyed the ride, and I don't mean the motor-bike!' It was signed 'Judith' and multiple kisses followed. She thrust the book into her handbag.

'We need to go.'

Uncomfortable silence followed, lasting until they reached Kate's cottage.

'Thanks, Caroline. Probably see you tomorrow at school.'

'Bye.' Caroline barely gave Kate time to get out before she pulled away from the kerb.

Kate stood for some time watching the car leave her road. She was not sure what the problem was, but assumed it was something to do with the conversation in the pub and she shook her head in disappointment.

Caroline's emotions churned under the surface while she continued her journey home, pieces of the jigsaw falling into place. She screeched to a halt on her driveway, picked up her bag and ran indoors. John was watching the television in the lounge with their sons.

'Boys, what are you still doing up at this time on a weeknight? Bed. Now.' she chastised before going through to the kitchen and pouring herself a large glass of wine. The boys followed her to say goodnight but sensing that she was really cross, they were soon climbing the stairs. Steadying herself on the worktop, Caroline leafed through the book and found a small slip of paper that she read and pocketed. Finishing the wine in one further swallow Caroline strode through to the lounge, closing the door behind her. She flung the book with venom towards her husband.

'Who the fuck is Judith? One thing I do know, John, is that she is not a Greek guide. The second thing I know is that I can't believe a word you say.'


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

John picked up the book and slumped back into his favourite armchair. He smoothed down the creased pages, caressing them with the tips of his fingers, and placed the book behind him.

'It's not what you think, Caroline,' he whimpered.

'Oh, and what do I think, John? Tell me.' Caroline had yet to sit. She paced about the room, determined to keep tears at bay. She knew she needed to think clearly and anger would better serve her purpose. She dragged both hands repeatedly through her hair.

'You're assuming that Judith is my, well, that we are.' He stopped mid-sentence.

'You and Judith are; that's very philosophical. You are.….what? Come on John, astound me with your erudition. While you're at it furnish me with the truth too.'

'She gave it to me in Kefalonia. It was a joke. A wind-up.'

'I've no doubt she gave you something in Kefalonia but I doubt it was just a book. If it was a joke why didn't you show it to me at the time?'

Seconds ticked by and silence hung heavily.

'I'm waiting, John. Come on. Why?'

'Because I knew you'd over-think it all and I didn't want the aggravation. For you. I didn't want to upset you.'

The physical tiredness of her day suddenly caught up with her and Caroline reluctantly sat down, fidgeting on the edge of the settee facing John.

'Uh-huh. Considerate,' she countered. 'Something else occurs to me. On holiday you said you didn't know what Jude was short for. Well, her name is there on the inscription; so, you did know, didn't you? Why make a thing about not knowing?'

'Well, I didn't really look at it. I mean I didn't realise she'd written in it.'

Caroline watched as her husband continued to dig himself into a deeper hole, but she felt nothing akin to pleasure in witnessing the process. She was determined, but struggling, to fend off an acute ache of absolute devastation; feeling overwhelmed by circumstances that threatened to tear apart the lives of the whole family. Accustomed to being in control at home and work, she did not know how to deal with the engulfing helplessness, a gaping hole of vulnerability. For some minutes neither of them spoke.

'So, Judith lives in Kefalonia.' A statement, not a question but its intention was to draw out a response.

'Yes, of course. You know that she gave me a guided tour of the island and filled me in on some of the history.'

'Has she ever been to England?'

John was thrown by that question, unsure why Caroline was asking it, so he hesitated over how he should reply. He decided that elusiveness would be his best option.

'Oh, not sure. I guess she probably has.'

'And she gave this book to you in Kefalonia?'

'Of course.' He sensed that his wife was pulling him into something that he might be best to avoid. Taking control of the conversation seemed a better option. 'Caroline, nothing's going on or has gone on between me and Judith. Or anyone else, come to that. You're my world. You know that. I'm sorry not to have been honest with you about Judith giving me the book but that's all I've lied about.' The drowning man did his best to look sincere but there was a tick around the corner of his left eye, a tell-tale sign that Caroline knew well.

'How did you get the book back home, John?' Like a dog with a bone she maintained her focus.

'In the case. In my suitcase.'

'Who packed your suitcase?' Caroline shouted the question as she stood up again, unable to keep still. Her breathing rate had quickened, her sweaty hands clenched into fists. She was losing control of her restraint, longing to pound into him.

'You did,' John answered, 'as always. I put the book into the case afterwards, after you'd packed on that last night, and put it in my laptop bag as soon as we got home. I'm sorry. I was wrong. I should have been honest with you about the book.'

'What did I say to you when I started this conversation? Do you remember? Firstly, I asked who she is. Secondly, I told you that I know she isn't a Greek guide. Remember?'

John nodded his head but as Caroline had her back to him, staring into the fireplace, she didn't think he'd answered. She turned angrily and crossed the room, hitting him with both fists on each side of his head.

'ANSWER ME, YOU BASTARD!' she screamed while she continued to pummel him. Her physical strength was failing and the contact light, but the symbolism hurt more than the action itself.

'I did, I did. Please stop.' John began to cry.

Caroline's tears flowed too then, the release of her anger opening the floodgates. She sunk to the floor and John reached his hand out to comfort his wife. She smacked his hand away before crawling across the floor to put space between them. Curling into a ball in a corner of the room, her tears still flowed, and sobs echoed around the room. It was many minutes before she regained some composure.

Eventually she sat up, leaning heavily against the wall.

'You can move out, John. The spare room tonight and then don't bother coming back home after Cardiff or wherever it is that you reckon to be going. I'll tell the boys over the weekend.'

'For what reason? For God's sake, Caroline, that's so unfair. What have I done?'

'Lied. Deceived. Fornicated.' The blonde counted the accusations on her fingers as she spat them out. 'You can't even lie consistently, so I shouldn't be surprised that you can't be truthful.'

'I can't move out; we're married. I love you. The boys. What about the boys?'

'You should have thought about the boys before you screwed around. Think about it, John. You didn't show me the book because you thought I might be upset at the inscription but now you say that you didn't know the inscription was even there. I know for a fact that you did not take the book out of the suitcase as soon as we got home because I unlocked and unpacked it while you went out to pick up milk and bread. Oh, and all your lies are unnecessary because Judith didn't even give the book to you in Kefalonia.'

Caroline rummaged in her cardigan pocket and pulled out a now crumpled piece of paper.

'It's a receipt dated two days ago from the bookshop next to the campus. You know the one, John; it's the bookshop that prints the book title and author's name on the receipt.' She paused briefly and took a deep breath. 'Now tell me you haven't been shagging someone as well as me over the last God knows how long. Go on, be honest. Why, John, why? I knew you were a lady's man. You charmed me, after all, so if I know anything I know that. What's she got that I haven't or what have I got that she hasn't. Come on, I'm waiting!'

'I'm confused, Caroline. You've muddled what I've said. That's typically you, with your lawyer-like argument. You've got me so I'm struggling to know what my own name is.'

Caroline stood up and re-crossed the room. John flinched at her approach.

'Don't worry, I'm not going to waste any more energy on you. I don't need you to tell me because I've worked it out, John. God, I've been slow. You've given me the pieces and I've finally completed the picture. She works at the University. I remember now when you said about going to Kefalonia you mentioned someone at Uni had told you about the island. She's why you've been spending so much time away from this house. That's why you were specific about WHEN we should go on holiday. Your publisher didn't contact you at all at the end of July or start of August. Francis didn't determine the dates of our holiday. I'm assuming it was down to when Judith could be there.'

John could barely hold his head upright. He knew words were useless. He'd always known that his wife was a powerful ally. Now he appreciated what a mighty foe she could be, and he did not like this new reality.

'Well, I hope she's worth it. I hope she's worth what you've thrown away. If I'm not right then you should be able to counter what I've been saying with the truth, but the truth of it is that you can't. There's no point in denying it. Just satisfy me with answering one, just one, question truthfully.'

John looked up at his wife as she towered over him.

'Why?'

A loving, thoughtful or sensible man would have found a way around this question, but John had already proven himself to have none of those attributes.

'She's fun.'

ooOoo

John spent the night in the spare room, but not wanting Lawrence and William to know, he was up and about early. He hoped to speak to his wife before the boys woke so he climbed the stairs with a tray of breakfast for her, putting his head tentatively around the door. Caroline sat at the window, duvet wrapped around her.

'Can I come in?'

'No.'

'Please, Caroline. I'll cancel the trip to Cardiff. We can talk some more, can't we? Celia can have the boys and we can go away for the weekend.' He hadn't yet dared to venture further than the doorway so kept his voice low in case William and Lawrence overheard.

'No.'

'It's nearly twenty years that we've got behind us. Surely that can help us through this?'

Caroline turned to look at John, her face etched with exhaustion. She had spent a sleepless night re-evaluating the options and challenging the decision she had made the previous evening. As she went through everything, repeatedly, as the minutes ticked by, her brain was bombarded by thoughts and emotions, many of them contradictory. Yes, she had been charmed by him; yes, she had fallen in love with him all those years ago, and she thought they'd been happy. But it was if this bolt from the blue put the spotlight on all that they had and found it wanting. Had they been trading on past glory and failed to realise it until now? Surely it would be worthwhile to go back to the beginning and try again?

Trying to play devil's advocate she criticised her own part in it all. So, he reckoned, it happened because Judith was fun. Caroline could not deny that she had lost some ability to enjoy the here and now but much of that she felt justified in laying at John's door. He was a husband, a father, when it suited him. He treated her, and the boys to some extent, as props to shore up his existence and bolster his ego. Her night-time deliberations were uncomfortable in the extreme but confirmed that she did not know, and at that moment in time no longer wanted to know, the man who was now standing before her.

'You can take the boys to school and then you can bugger off to Wales. I've said all that I intend or want to say to you. I haven't slept. I'm not going to Sulgrave today. Tell the boys that I'm not feeling well. I'll get mum to pick them up this afternoon. Oh, and you can take your fucking peace offering and shut the door on your way out.'

Realisation beginning to hit him, he whispered a few words, as much to himself as to his wife.

'Nothing, nobody is worth losing you.'

As he picked up the tray and closed the door he heard her sobbing response.

'I won't tell the boys but you're to stay away until I tell you.'

ooOoo

Celia decided that she would take herself into town and look at the end-of-season sale in M & S. Her car keys were not where she thought she'd left them and the search was beginning to take the shine off her plans. Giving up on finding them in her flat she went outside to check if she'd left them in the ignition.

'If I have, I'm not telling anyone,' she said aloud as stepped into the garden, not noticing her daughter approaching from the main house.

'What is it that you're not going to tell me about?'

'Oh, Caroline! You made me jump. What are...' she stopped in her tracks. 'Whatever is the matter? You look terrible.'

'Mum!' was all that Caroline could say as she staggered into a hug.

Celia was already two steps ahead and needed no spoken explanation.

ooOoo

'Could have knocked me down with a feather when Beverley said that Caroline was off sick. I've been here five years and I've only known her to have time off once and that was last winter when the whole school was dropping with Norovirus. Has Lawrence said anything? He's in your form group, isn't he?'

Kate was chatting with a colleague while they waited for the staff-room kettle to boil.

'No, he's not mentioned anything, but I doubt that he would,' replied Kate, knowing that her lips would have been sealed anyway. 'Coffee, no sugar?' She busied herself with their drinks, mindful of the previous evening and not wanting to give anything away in her words or manner.

Once home from school, when she had time to herself, Kate wondered whether it would be appropriate to text her best wishes to Caroline. She couldn't imagine that anyone in Caroline's position would phone in sick because of a simple misunderstanding, however personal its content, but if it was enough to cause the extreme reaction evident during their journey home, who knew what else might result? Initially concluding that she would leave well alone, she could not stop thinking about the events of the previous evening. Certainly, Caroline seemed to become very quiet when the woman asked if they were in a relationship. Or, she wondered, was it rather that she had reacted to Kate's answer? She wracked her brain to think exactly what she'd said.

'Your gaydar's only 50% effective.'

Yes, that was it, word for word. What if the change in Caroline resulted from learning that Kate was gay? Surely that would be ridiculous for the twenty-first century? But Kate's brain told her that she was missing something. Something else happened afterwards to make it worse. As if a light came on, she knew. There was a further step-change when Caroline looked at the book. While she wasn't sure what that signified, she felt slightly better by knowing that she wasn't the sole cause of Caroline's behaviour.

'Hi Caroline. Hoping you'll feel better soon. Kate.' She pressed the send key, closed her phone and headed upstairs to run a bath.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 **A/N Many thanks for your reviews and messages. I think they're going to keep this story rumbling for some time….**

The heart-broken woman spent large parts of the day talking to her mother, going over and over old ground and making no progress. No decision stood the test of more than half an hour of time despite her mother being a solid sounding board. While Celia was someone who had an opinion on everything, often to the extreme, and would attempt to impose those views on others, there were times when she would astound the harshest of critics. This was one of those occasions. She listened, comforted and helped practically with the needs of the day. When evening came, and after the boys had gone to bed, the conversation started again.

'It's the deceit, mum. It's not so much what he did it's how he's gone about it.'

'I don't doubt that you believe what you say, Caroline, but can you really separate the two? No doubt he was forced to lie to cover his tracks.' She poured another cup of tea and placed the steaming mug into her daughter's hands. 'You haven't eaten. You need to drink! Tea with a little sugar. Good for shock.'

'What shall I do, mum, what shall I do?'

'You know that I can't make a decision for you. You'll make the right one. Give yourself time. You don't need to rush into anything.'

'You stood by dad and his were repeat offences. Do you regret that?' Caroline had known about her father's infidelity from an early age but she had rarely talked to her mother about what it was like for her.

'Doesn't matter what I think now. Maybe I would still have made the same decision even if society or my circumstances had been different then. Was it right or wrong? That's hypothetical and I don't know the answer.' Celia yawned, despite herself.

'Go to bed, mum. I'll go too. I've gone too long without sleep. Maybe I'll drift off.' She held up her mug. 'That is if your caffeine and glucose infusions don't keep me awake!' For her mum's sake she wanted to appear more positive than she felt.

ooOoo

Caroline did, indeed, sleep and much better than she would have expected. But on waking she continued to feel as if she was being sucked into a vortex, her brain scrambled and her body weak. Celia had offered to take the boys out for the day. She had not made any progress with the use of her smart phone and decided that she wanted to buy a laptop and who better to advise and support than her teenage grandsons? So, Caroline had Saturday to herself and she determined to be busy, thinking that she would benefit from occupying both mind and body. Cupboards were stocked, laundry was done and by the early afternoon she was tackling a rather wayward hedge at the side of the driveway. Exhaustion set in soon afterwards and Caroline hunkered down in front of the TV with a cup of tea while she waited for the boys and Celia to return.

She had deliberately not looked at her phone since John had left the house, in case he made attempts to sway her with texts or emails, but she now felt strong enough to check it. Thankfully, there had been no communications from him and just one message had come in from a number which was not in her contact list. She was pleased to see that the text was from Kate. The embarrassing conversation in the pub had obviously not deterred her from getting in touch. Caroline cringed as she supposed the interfering woman must have picked up some latent lesbian vibes, even after her twenty years with John. 'What do I know?' she wondered wistfully.

She did know that she felt pleased to have given her phone number to Kate earlier in the week when they were arranging the lift to Pilates.

'Thanks for your message. It was very kind of you to think of me. I've felt better but getting there. Caroline.' She thought that this text summarised her situation without going into details. Once the message had been sent she put Kate's number into her contact list.

A reply came back within a minute. 'That's good. Just shout if u need anything. I'm lounging around – well, apart from marking books (she says, so her boss doesn't think she's slacking!)'

'I'm ok thanks. Did a shop this morning and my mother is chipping in although I'm sure I'll have to repay the favour!'

'No worries. Glad you're sorted. My offer stands. I owe u already, for all you've done to help so don't worry that I'll expect something in return! Take care. Kate'

Caroline felt that this was Kate's way of signing off from the texted chat so she simply sent a 'Thank you' in reply. She considered that even this brief exchange of messages did wonders for her sense of wellbeing and put it down to the warm openness that Kate radiated. How strange that she should be able to sense it through texts. It was so long since she'd made time for proper friends, not just acquaintances, but if she was to have one who better than such a kind, thoughtful and interesting woman?

The boys and Celia returned soon afterwards, complete with pizzas and cookie dough.

'So you don't have to cook!' Lawrence exclaimed, wasting no time in setting out the boxes on the coffee table and rushing to the kitchen to fetch the plates.

They made short work of the take-away and even Caroline and Celia had to admit that they'd enjoyed it. They all snuggled down to watch a film, although Celia dozed through most of it and Caroline struggled to concentrate. The television automatically reverted to the Sky box when the DVD had finished, and the evening news was showing highlights of a Comicon event.

'Wow, I heard about this!' Lawrence pointed at the screen with enthusiasm. 'Those costumes are great. Really famous people go to these things. Sci-fi actors and all that. I'd asked dad to take me because I knew he'd love it too, but he said Scotland was too far to travel for the weekend. Oh damn, it's gone on to the weather.'

'Well, it is too far. I'm sure you've got homewor...'

'Oh mum. Why did I know you'd say that! Sometimes I wish you did something other than work in a school!' Lawrence interrupted. 'I know. Don't answer back and get ready for bed!'

Caroline escorted Celia back to her flat while the boys cleared the lounge.

'How're you doing?' asked a very weary septuagenarian.

'Better than you, mum, by the sounds of it. How was a day shopping with two teenagers?'

'They were great. I think they enjoyed spending my money a bit too much, though. Fingers crossed that William keeps his promise to help me with the computer. I hope you feel better for having time to yourself.'

'I do, mum. Thank you. I don't know what I'd do without you. Keeping busy was good. I've tried to avoid thinking about things too deeply. It's right what you said, I'll get there at some point. I keep telling myself that I don't need to decide just for the sake of it. Obviously, we'll have to think of a reason for John to stay away, unless I let him back just into the spare room for the time being. I'd rather not, if I'm honest. I don't want him in the house. Anyway, we'll see. Night, mum.' She hugged her mum, and was kissed on both cheeks in return, both appreciative of the comfort it gave.

ooOoo

Against her expectations, another good night followed but by half-past seven hunger pains led her to the kitchen where she set about making something to eat. She noticed some unopened post under a tea towel on the kitchen worktop and occupied her mind with that while she nibbled on a toasted bagel. A jointly-held credit card bill was included in the pile and, for want of something to do, she pulled out the receipts to check it off. An entry for one pound remained unaccounted for. She thought that this was very strange as she knew that neither of them would use a card for such an amount. Caroline was almost grateful for the discrepancy as it gave her mind a focus other than John. Her kitchen clock told her that it was just after eight and she thought that she might as well ring the card company before she did anything else.

Having gone through the security questions she was soon chatting to a pleasant young man with a rather broad accent.

'Oh, I can tell you what that's for. It's a hotel booking. They take a deposit against the card for one pound and it allows further transactions to be added during the stay and the pound gets taken off the total. Look on it as their safeguard as once the card number has been given they can charge the account for no-shows.'

'That makes sense. My husband is the second card holder and he's away. He must have used this card instead of his business one.'

'Is there anything else I can help you with today?'

'No, thank you. Sorry to have bothered you over such a small sum.'

'You're right to do so, Mrs Elliot. You shouldn't assume everything is satisfactory. If the correct card is presented on check-out they'll make the necessary adjustment and you'll get your pound back! I'm just sorry that the Edinburgh weather is not so easily changed for his stay here. It's tipping down this morning.'

'Sorry. Did you say Edinburgh?'

'Yes, the Grafton is at the other end of the street to our offices, strangely enough. Lovely hotel, strict dress code and definitely outside my price range.'

'Oh yes, hence your accent! I'd forgotten that your offices are north of the border. Thanks for your help.' Caroline surprised herself with the speed of her thinking, but she was close to meltdown when she ended the call.

'Think, think.' She spoke aloud to herself. With all that was going on maybe she had just got it wrong. She checked the calendar. He'd clearly written 'Cardiff'. Her thoughts were rapidly concluding that this was further deception. But why? What did it matter if he was in Cardiff or Edinburgh? In days gone by, they would always leave each other with the name and phone number of the hotel where they were staying but, with the ease of contact provided by mobile phones, this was no longer necessary. Anyone could be almost anywhere in the world at any time and the person on the other end of the phone would be none the wiser. She assumed that it may have been that he was so used to lying, covering his tracks, that he now lied out of habit. But remembering what Lawrence had said, she wondered if John had gone to the thing that they'd seen on the television. She was not sure exactly where it was being held but had a feeling the newsreader mentioned somewhere in Scotland and she no longer believed in coincidences.

Less than ten minutes later she was back in her bedroom with her phone and the number for the hotel in Edinburgh. She wanted to be somewhere private to make the call.

'Grafton Manor Hotel, good morning. Craig speaking. How may I help you?'

'Hello. Um, I, could you put me through to John Elliot? I'm afraid I've forgotten his room number.'

'Of course. I'll check that for you. One moment.'

Caroline waited anxiously, still unsure if she would speak if her call was answered. Several seconds ticked by and she was beginning to think that he might be in the shower, or at breakfast, when the ringing stopped.

'Hello.' A woman's voice, high-pitched.

Panic gripped Caroline's heart and mind. Dear God, this was not what she expected, or was it?

'Hello. Is anyone there?' The same voice, but becoming agitated.

'Now, Caroline, now!' encouraged her inner resolve.

'Yes, can I speak to John Elliot?'

'It's for you-who?' an infuriatingly sing-song reply.

'Me?' from a distance and then a firmer 'Hello?'

'Change of plan, John. I will be talking to the boys later this morning. Good job that it's raining there; at least you'll not be diverted from whatever you're there for. Just as well if I tell the boys about Judith before you see them, so you'll have a reason to explain to our younger son why you didn't take him with you to the Comicon convention. I'm assuming your companion likes dressing up as well as undressing? Bye.'

Once the call had ended the magnitude of the problem, and the task ahead, hit her afresh.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

The conversation with the boys was not one that she ever thought she would need to have. When she had married it was to be forever, like in the stories that she had read to divert her attention when she could hear her parents argue. The characters in the storybooks became her friends; it was from them that she sought comfort when the atmosphere at the meal table told her that mummy and daddy were not talking – again.

After the awareness that John had, once again, lied to her she felt that there was no going back, no chance that they could start again. His whispered words as he stood at the bedroom door had given her a glimmer of hope. She wanted so much to believe that he wanted her above anyone else, but he must have known as he uttered them that he had planned a further weekend of deceit. If he could not keep away from Judith when he was, supposedly, begging for their future together, what hope was there? The behaviour that had hurt the most, in a strange way, was the fact that he had gone to Edinburgh without Lawrence. How he would have loved such a trip.

Caroline now wondered whether it was right to speak to the boys without John. She certainly did not want her actions or words to be shaped by any form of revenge, at least as far as it concerned the boys. Eventually she decided that although there was a good argument for John to be there, to see how the news affected them and to take responsibility for his own actions, his presence was likely to increase their distress. Caroline felt that he would not be able to act in an adult manner and was likely to need support rather than give it out. It was certain that she would be more able to care for the boys if she was alone with them albeit she would need to put her own feelings aside to do so.

Once she had given them the bare bones of the situation, William, always the more thoughtful of the two, appeared more concerned for Caroline than for himself. Although it was true that his relationship with his dad was not always positive, this ordeal was certain to rock his world even if he was likely to do a sterling job of hiding it. He was sure to take solace in his books as Caroline had done thirty years previously. As she had expected, partly because of his age but also because of his temperament and his closeness to his father, Lawrence was less able to mask his feelings. He argued with his mum about the truthfulness of her words.

'I don't believe you. He wouldn't do that to us. You've made a mistake.'

'I promise you that I would give anything to have made a mistake, Lawrence.' She moved to sit closer to him but he shied away from her comforting touch. 'I was as amazed as you are when I found out.'

'Mum wouldn't make up such a story. Don't be a dork.' William chipped in with support.

'Don't you call me a…'

'Boys, come on. This isn't helping anyone. We'll all need to support each other. Your dad too. It won't be easy for him.'

'How can you defend him, mum? After what he's done, is doing to us?' William's emotions were starting to surface.

'Because I loved him, William. I hate what he's doing but I can't stop caring for someone just like that.'

'Well, he did.'

Lawrence listened to the words but his face said that he was struggling to take things in. Caroline reached out again to touch his arm and he fell into her hug and sobbed, lost in his grief.

'Has he stopped loving me, too?'

Caroline snuggled in to her younger son, who rocked back and forth in her arms.

'NO, never. Your dad loves you very much and that won't change.'

'Where will he live?' William questioned, wanting some order in his world.

'I don't know. I don't think he's had time to organise anything.'

'Do you know this other person, mum? Have we met her?' Lawrence mumbled into her shoulder, not wanting to let go.

'No, I don't think we have. I don't know much about her. That will be for your dad to tell you if you want to know.'

'Well, I don't and I don't want anything to do with him. He can live in Timbuctoo for all I care.' William ran from the lounge and thudded up the stairs. There was a resounding bang as his bedroom door closed.

The conversation with Lawrence continued for some time, with reassurance given that he could see his dad and that Caroline would not think less of him for doing so. Just as Caroline thought she must check on William, he re-joined them. He seemed to have brought his emotions back under control but his mum was not fooled and knew that she would need to find time for him before the day was out.

'What about school, mum? Will the teachers need to know?'

Caroline realised that the answer to William's question affected her too. How did she feel about staff knowing her personal business? She knew that her wishes would have to take second place to those of the boys.

'That depends on what you want to happen. We would normally advise that school is told so that we can support as necessary. You know, understand if someone's level of concentration changes, that kind of thing. But I know and I'm there, so I think that would be fine if you didn't want anything said. You can tell friends and teachers if you want to.'

The boys decided that they did not want staff to know, at least for a while.

'Where's dad now? Can I speak to him?' Lawrence queried.

'I'm sure you can speak to him, if you want.' Caroline avoided the first part of his question, for Lawrence's sake it would be cruel to add insult to injury. 'I would suggest you send him a text to say that I've spoken to you and that you're going to ring him. What do you think?'

Lawrence agreed to her suggestion but wanted to do so from the privacy of his bedroom. After he left William took his brother's place next to his mum.

'You as ok as you seem, mum?'

'Oh, getting there, my sweet boy. It's rocked our world and I don't think any of us will be anywhere near ok for some time. What about you?'

'I don't know. I feel really, really angry with him. As I've got older I've watched and thought about how he is with us. With all of us. You know, he doesn't really act like a parent most of the time. It's like I've got an older brother, another one for you to keep in check, organise, that sort of thing. But I never thought he'd do this.'

'Me neither, William. It was a shock to me too. I've seen you looking at how he acts, seen you thinking. My guess is that's why you're often so serious and careful. You've been trying to take some of the man's role in the house to support me.'

William smiled despite the pain.

'Well, there's one less adolescent to monitor now so that should make our task easier!' William knew that his mum would see the funny side of his observation and they laughed together until tears came.

ooOoo

At Lawrence's request John came to see him the following evening after school. William kept to his room and Caroline went to Celia's flat during the visit. Lawrence was quiet afterwards and just mentioned to his mum and brother, almost as if in passing, that John was going to move in with his girlfriend who was called Judith and worked at the University. Lawrence added that he had told his dad he never wanted to see her.

Days went by and the household found a new rhythm, painfully subdued but calm. Caroline felt amazed how quickly she adjusted to the role of a single parent until she recollected that John had hardly been an interested and supportive contributor to the family. Despite their separation, she received numerous frantic, exasperating phone calls from her husband who always seemed to have some practical issue for her to solve. She told him that it was time he stopped calling after he had interrupted an important meeting to ask about car insurance.

'You've no right to ask for my help, John. I'll pack up your files so you can sort out your own problems. You are no longer my responsibility.' She paused briefly. 'Did you hear the expression I just used to describe you? My responsibility. Maybe that says it all. Bye, John.'

ooOoo

While Caroline found little difference in the running of the home, the rest of her life was not so positive. She continued to feel a hurt beyond words. It was the last thing that she thought of at night and the first thing that popped into her mind on waking, with disturbed dreams between those two bookends of grief. She had little interest in food and struggled to motivate herself to get to work every morning. It was not long before the change became obvious to others.

'Caroline, can I have a word?' Beverley was the first to brave the subject two weeks after John's departure.

She was beckoned in and took up her customary position on a chair by the side of the desk.

'There's only one way to say this and I'll not beat around the bush. Are you ok?

'Fine. Why do you ask?' Caroline did not make eye contact with her assistant and her tone was hardly welcoming.

Beverley hesitated. This was going to be a more difficult conversation than she had anticipated.

'I've worked with you for nearly six years, Caroline. I think it's likely that I spend as much time with you as I do with many of my family. I've not worked with a kinder and more professional person, ever. But, I'm sorry to say, the way you've been acting lately is just not fair. You've made two students cry in the last few days and I've never known you do that before.'

'Is that all?'

Beverley decided not to waste her opportunity. 'No. It's not. There's your weight. This is very personal, but your clothes are dropping off you. That's why I wondered if you were ill.'

'Thank you for your concern, but there's no need. I'll take your observations on board. Is that everything?'

'Yes, but I hope you know that...'

'Thank you, Beverley. If I need a confidante, I'll know where to come.'

As Beverley was leaving she stopped and turned.

'I care about you, Caroline, and I'm not stupid. I don't care if you think badly of me or think that I should mind my own business. I'd be letting you and Sulgrave down if I kept quiet and I couldn't do that. I also believe that there may be a time when the most self-assured individuals need to seek and accept support.'

Caroline nodded and turned her head, afraid that Beverley might see the tears that were threatening to drop. Her attention was drawn to the movement of the leaves on the trees just outside her window. The light from the early-afternoon sun reflected on their dancing surfaces. There was no sign of any change of colour but autumn was approaching and it wouldn't be long. The realisation that seasons would continue to come and go, while her personal world had stopped, shook her to the core. All the while Beverley's words reverberated through her conscience and she knew she owed her assistant something better than a terse dismissal. Unable to handle another conversation with Beverley she sent an e mail:

'Saying sorry isn't enough but I hope you'll accept it. Thank you for your support and loyalty – and the kick in the rear!'

Not long after she had sent the message there was a light knock on her door and, fully expecting it to be Beverley, she called 'come in.' A shy-looking Kate McKenzie appeared. It was the first time she had been to Caroline's office since her interview almost six months before.

'Sorry, Caroline, I wasn't quite sure what the procedure is and Beverley's not at her desk. Is it okay for me to have a few minutes of your time?'

Caroline left her desk to welcome Kate into the room, rapidly adjusting her thoughts as she did so.

'Don't be silly, Kate. Come in. Please take a seat. Gosh, you seem nervous.'

'I do feel nervous. I think it's bringing back memories of my interview! It's so very different seeing you here instead of in the pub with a glass of red in your hand.'

'I hope you haven't called in to tell me off for neglecting my Pilates lessons?' Caroline was trying very hard to be open and friendly but she sensed that she was wide of the mark.

'No; this is a rather different and difficult conversation, I'm afraid.' Kate paused to give herself time to order her thoughts.

'Take your time, Kate,' encouraged the head, to give _herself_ time as much as to reassure the teacher, while becoming very anxious as to what was to come. She'd already been blind-sided once that afternoon and wasn't sure how she'd react to a further surprise.

'I'd like to talk to you about Lawrence. I guess this is a teacher to parent discussion as much as anything.' Kate looked straight across the desk to see the reaction to her words. She wondered if Caroline knew what was coming but her expression gave nothing away. 'I'm worried about him. He seems to have lost his spark. I'm sure you know that he's not one of the most attentive of pupils where French is concerned but this is more about how he is in the form group. He's become very quiet, withdrawn almost. It's got to the point where I'm almost praying for him to be disruptive or cheeky. I'd probably understand if it was just with me but I've kept a close watch and he's not really interacting with the other students. Can I ask, has he said anything? I think something must be worrying him.'

'Oh, Kate!' were the only words that she could manage before the tears flowed and she buried her head in her hands.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Whatever response Kate might have expected, it was certainly not to see the normally composed head teacher dissolve into tears in front of her. Common sense told her that Caroline's reaction was not solely that of a parent hearing concerns about her child. She thought quickly and crossed the office to put the 'Do Not Disturb' sign on the outside of the door, reducing the likelihood of unwanted intrusion and embarrassment.

She returned to her chair and, reaching across the desk, gently and briefly touched Caroline arm.

'I'm so sorry, Caroline. Would you like me to go?'

A shake of the head was the only sign that her question had been heard. Caroline's anguished sobs echoed around the room. Slowly Caroline's hands moved from her face. Mascara-stained tears streamed down her ashen cheeks. Kate picked up a tissue from the box on the desk and handed it, without comment, to the weeping woman.

'Thank you. I'm sorry, Kate. Whatever must you think of me?' Caroline's voice was quiet, quavering with emotion. She wiped her nose and eyes before glancing at Kate, who gave a tentative, encouraging smile in return.

'No need to be sorry, Caroline. I'm the one who should apologise.'

'That you shouldn't. I'm very grateful to you for telling me. Can I ask, this is awkward, have you mentioned your concerns to anyone else?'

'No, I haven't. I debated what to do for the best. Normally I would go to the head of year, but something made me hesitate and I've come directly to you.'

The head threw her soggy tissue in the waste bin and pulled a clean one from the box. She took a compact mirror from her messenger bag, checked her face and dealt as best she could with a few stubborn smudges. She fiddled with the mirror, twirling it between forefinger and thumb, and the repetitive motion appeared to calm her ragged emotions. Eventually her hands stilled, and she dared again to lift her blood-shot eyes towards the patient Kate. The methodical ticking of the wall clock had been the only sound for a considerable time.

'I'm glad you did, Kate. I realise that this has put you in a difficult position and I'm sorry for that. As I think you've already worked out, it's a delicate matter and I'm not sure what to say to you. There is something worrying Lawrence but I'm going to ask you for a favour. Would you leave this with me until tomorrow? I need to think.'

'Of course. Whatever you want is fine.'

'I want to ask one more thing. Have any other members of staff said anything? I'm sure that the head's son having problems would make for very entertaining gossip in the staff room.' Vulnerability and pain hung heavily on every word.

'No, no one, Caroline. Perhaps the relaxed atmosphere of the form group makes changes in personalities more easily noticeable. I hope I haven't misread him and caused you to worry unnecessarily.' Kate had no doubt that her instincts were correct, but she had been moved by Caroline's palpable hurt and so desperately wanted to give some hope or reassurance. She ignored Caroline's comments about staff room gossip, both knowing that there were a few members of staff whose professional standards were not always what they should be.

'If you had any doubt when you came into the room I have a feeling my reaction confirmed your hunch, but thank you for trying to be positive.' With both elbows on the desk Caroline cupped her chin in her hands and smiled, although her glistening blue eyes failed to follow her lips' example.

'Should I leave you with your thoughts?'

'Please, Kate. Thank you for your concern for my son. I don't think he could have anyone better in his corner. Truly.'

'Thank you, but I'm just doing my job and that's what counts. Shall I come and see you tomorrow? I'm free last period in the morning, or on break times.'

'Just before lunch would suit my diary, thank you. See you tomorrow.'

Just before Kate reached the office door a faltering voice caught her attention and she turned towards the head teacher.

'Thank you for your concern for his mum, too. This school is lucky to have you.'

Kate nodded in acknowledgement, feeling the weight of the commendation.

ooOoo

By half past six, with dinner eaten and dish-washer loaded, Caroline knew that it was time to speak to her younger son. He had just completed his homework and with William next door helping his Gran with her new laptop it was an ideal time.

Fortune was on her side as he opened the door to the conversation when she sat beside him in the lounge.

'Dad's just phoned.'

'Ok. That's good, isn't it?'

'Yes, I guess. At least he's keeping his promises to ring even if he did let me down at the weekend.' The last-minute cancellation to their cinema plans had hit him hard. 'He apologised. Again. I told him I didn't mind.' The young teenager's voice and face told a very different story.

'Whereas you really did mind?'

'What do you think?' he snapped.

'I know what I think, Lawrence. I was asking what you felt.' She narrowed the physical distance between them and smoothed his tussled hair. 'It's ok to be honest. With me, your dad, everyone. You don't have to pretend. In fact, it's best not to. We're all struggling, Lawrence. We shouldn't put on a brave face.'

'I don't think I have been.'

'What makes you say that?' she asked, feeling that a little leading might help the conversation along.

Lawrence looked around the room as if searching for something, and then towards his hands, which played with the Xbox remote control. The youngster's inner torment was clear to see, and his mum's heart was heavier for it.

'Do you mean you've not been pretending that all is well or that you haven't needed to pretend?' Caroline sensed that there was a danger he was about to put the lid back on his feelings.

'How are you managing, mum? Have you been putting on a brave face?'

Now it was his mum's turn to speak honestly. 'You know what, Lawrence, I think I've been trying and failing and it hasn't helped me or anyone else to pretend that all is well. I thought I'd done a grand job of carrying on as if nothing was worrying me or that I didn't have any problems. All that I'm doing is bottling it up but then it starts to seep out and I upset those who just happen to be about at the time. Then the lid goes back on again and nothing gets resolved.'

'I don't think I've been fooling anyone either. Yesterday Angus asked me if I would rather hang around with someone else as apparently I'm acting like a grumpy knobhead.' Lawrence admitted. 'I told him that he wasn't all that and I haven't spoken to him since.'

'Did you think you should explain things to him? Perhaps that might help.'

Caroline could sense that Lawrence was considering her question carefully, which gave her hope.

'I think I might tell him. We've been friends since forever and I don't think that he wouldn't blurt it out to anyone else. What's Gran always going on about? I don't bother to listen after the first bit. Something about a trouble shared.'

'Is a trouble halved.'

'Yes, that's it.' His fidgeting stopped and his shoulders lifted as he took a deep breath in. 'Perhaps you should tell someone too, mum.'

Caroline looked pensive as her thoughts struggled for release. Who would she tell? Who could she trust? Who would be her Angus?

'Mum?'

'Maybe, Lawrence, maybe. Want to ring Angus up now and see if he's free? I could take you to his house, just for an hour or so,' she suggested, directing attention back to Lawrence's needs.

Twenty minutes after phoning his best friend Lawrence was standing on his doorstep.

'I'll pick you up at half past nine.' Caroline called out from the car as he went inside.

ooOoo

As she set off home her thoughts were more on Lawrence's time with Angus and the emotions of her day than on driving. Blaring horns from other vehicles announced her inattention when a set of traffic lights changed from red. Caroline's hasty reaction caused her to take a wrong turning, into Harrogate's one-way system, and she found herself heading away from home rather than towards it. After some minutes she pulled out of the flow of traffic into a retail park.

'Oh shit!' she screamed, thumping the steering wheel with the heel of her left hand.

Taking stock of her surroundings, somewhere that she rarely visited, the Costa across the car park seemed like a place of refuge but first she thought she ought to phone William.

'Hi William. I'm not coming home before I pick Lawrence up and I thought I'd better let you know.'

'That's fine. I'm still at Gran's. Are you ok?'

'I'm ok but I've decided to have a coffee while I'm out. Might treat myself to a muffin too.'

'Good for you. Well, if you bring some back for the rest of us, that is. Muffins, not coffee!'

'No problem. See you later. Bye.'

Putting up her umbrella to protect from a sudden downpour the head teacher ran for the canopy outside the coffee shop. While her hands fumbled with the catch of the umbrella she shook the water off her woefully inadequate shoes and, for the second time that evening, was inattentive to what was happening around her, consequently knocking into someone who was leaving the cafe.

'I'm so sor…Kate!'

'I don't believe it. What a coincidence.'

Apologising to a couple who were trying to get past them, Caroline held Kate's elbow and guided them to one side of the entrance. She pointed to the carrier bags in Kate's hands. 'If you're doing your Christmas shopping this early I'm very impressed!'

'I'm afraid not. I've treated myself to some new lampshades and cushions. These shops are very convenient, too convenient, really. It doesn't take me long to walk here if I cut through the park and I must have spent a fortune since I moved in. Oh, heavens. I didn't realise it was raining.'

'It started a few minutes ago, sadly. Do you want to borrow my umbrella? I've got the car so I can manage without.'

Kate lifted both arms as if to pose the question as to how she would hold an umbrella.

'Oh yes! Silly me. How about I give you a lift home instead?'

'That's a kind offer but I guess you're looking forward to a coffee. I'll be ok. Thanks anyway.'

Kate did not know the reason behind the look of absolute disappointment developing on her employer's face but, with the events of the afternoon still clear in her mind, she hazarded a quick guess that Caroline might want some company and put her theory to the test.

'To tell you the truth, Caroline, I only went into Costa to use their loo. I'd love a coffee and a cake but I didn't fancy sitting on my own. Can I join you?' Kate's statements were a work of fiction, but she wanted to make her offer in a way that Caroline might find more acceptable.

The change in Caroline's expression would have melted the hardest of hearts, which Kate could certainly not be accused of having.

'Would you? I'd really like that. Here, let me take some of your bags.'

Settled at a table with their cappuccinos and cakes, a sense of embarrassment hung between the two women before Kate took charge of the situation.

'Your cake looks better than mine! What is it?'

'Salted caramel. I don't mind swapping.' Caroline felt so pleased to have company that, in truth, she would not have minded Kate eating both.

'Give over, mine's bigger than yours! Anyway, is this your normal Monday evening indulgence?'

Caroline stirred her cappuccino and took a sip. Lawrence's prompting to talk to someone and her own awareness of needing a close friend joined forces in her psyche. Could Kate be her Angus? There was only one way to find out.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Kate looked on as Caroline considered her response. Pain was clearly etched in her eyes and the set of her jaw. The teacher found herself working against an impulse to smother the hurt with a hug but as she suspected Caroline needed space to gather her thoughts she sipped her coffee to occupy her hands as much as to enjoy the drink. She glanced across the top of her cup and noticed a shifting in Caroline's demeanour.

'I'm really glad I bumped into you this evening, Kate. There's something, I don't quite know what and why, but from the day of your interview I sensed an affinity with you. Huh! The linguist in you might think that's a strange word to use but it seems apt, to me anyway.' She stopped to check if she had made the wrong decision to confide in Kate. Compassion and perception, with no sign of ridicule, showed clearly on the face of her companion, which gave her the confidence to continue.

'I'm going to say something that is likely to seem an odd thing for an adult to admit, especially one in my position. To be honest I feel embarrassed to do so but the thing is, um.' Her voice started to crack, and she paused. To a casual observer her attention might have been waylaid by the delight on her plate but her companion recognised the real reason. She watched as Caroline cut her cake into halves and then quarters but, making no attempt to eat it, she started speaking again. 'I don't have any real support; well, apart from my mother. Friends, I guess I mean. I need to tell something to someone I can trust, and I really think that you can be that person, Kate, but I understand if you'd rather not.'

Kate's empathy could not be kept in check any longer and in a repeat of her actions earlier that day, she reached across the table and touched Caroline's arm. This time it was not a fleeting gesture and Caroline showed appreciation by covering Kate's hand, briefly, with her own.

'I've never believed in coincidence and I think people come into our lives when we need them. I'm not religious, in the accepted sense of the word, but I am a great believer in order and design. I feel that affinity too, to use your word. I sense how big a deal this is for you, Caroline, but if I'm the right person, in the right place at the right time, I'd consider it a privilege to listen.'

A reassured Caroline began her story.

'Life is proving difficult because Lawrence's dad has been having an affair. Is having. That's why you've picked up on his change in behaviour. Lawrence doesn't want anyone at school to know. Well, neither of the boys did but Lawrence admitted to me this evening that he was struggling and he's gone to tell his best friend. I'm sure you know Angus in Jenny Holmes' form group. Nice lad. I was so distracted that I took a wrong turn on my way home after dropping him off and that's why I ended up outside Costa on a rainy Monday evening.' Kate listened and analysed while Caroline spoke. She could hear the professional, confident head teacher's tone throughout rather than that of a wounded, grieving wife. She thought back to the conversation of the afternoon and guessed that this different approach was Caroline's way of dealing with a difficult conversation. She noticed that Caroline spoke of the affair as involving Lawrence's dad rather than her husband; another coping mechanism, Kate assumed.

'Oh, Caroline. I'm so sorry to hear that. Dear me. I'm pleased that you told me. I promise I won't say anything at school or even let Lawrence know that I know. Unless you want me to, that is.'

This time it was Caroline who reached out to Kate and gripped her hand.

'Not yet.'

'I did wonder. You know, after you were upset earlier. I thought it was not just because you'd heard my concerns about Lawrence. I didn't think you were the type of parent who couldn't handle a difficult conversation.' Kate paused, drumming her nails briefly on the table. 'I wonder, would you mind, can I ask questions?'

'I might not answer but you can ask.' Caroline once again focused her attention on her cake, this time nibbling the smallest amount from the tip of her fork.

'Am I right in thinking that this is a relatively new situation because Lawrence in September was a very different boy to the one I see now?'

As Caroline told further parts of the story she began to appreciate how good it felt to be offloading to someone other than her mother, the only other person she had told, apart from the boys. Kate was an attentive listener whose questions were relevant and kindly asked. The cappuccinos and cakes remained largely untouched and, without the women being aware, the café had emptied. A little before nine o'clock a member of staff approached the table.

'I'm so sorry to interrupt. We need to close soon. Would you mind if I cleared your table?'

Caroline looked anxiously at her watch, firstly with embarrassment and then concern in case she was late to collect Lawrence. She was relieved to see that at least the second part of her apprehension was without foundation.

'Oh, we're the ones who should apologise. I'm sorry. We've taken up a table all evening.'

'Was everything ok? You haven't finished.' The young man's tone suggested incredulity that so much had been left untouched.

'That's what happens when friends get talking! Nothing's wrong.' Kate assured him. 'Please take everything away.'

The puddles in the car park told the tale of continued rainfall, which was now torrential, and Kate happily accepted the offer of a lift home. Pulling the Jeep into the kerb outside the cottage Caroline turned in her seat to give a fleeting hug to a surprised Kate, who had no opportunity to respond before the contact was over. Caroline, who shocked herself by the action, immediately tried to cover her awkwardness.

'Oh Kate, just as well Mrs Cupid from Pilates isn't watching. She'd be even more convinced that we're a couple!'

'Oh, well. If she was it would keep her happy!' She reached across and returned Caroline's embrace before continuing in a more serious tone despite the apparent frivolity of some of her words. 'I've passed every exam there is on living with other people's opinions so that's for anyone watching who wasn't quick enough to catch the first one.' Kate took her door keys from her handbag while she spoke and then rested her right hand on Caroline's. 'Don't forget, please ring me if you ever need a chat or a diversion. Anytime.'

'Thank you. I'm likely to take you up on that offer. I hope Lawrence's chat with Angus has been as helpful as mine with you. Night, Kate.'

'Goodnight. See you tomorrow.'

Kate watched as the Jeep pulled away, fully aware that despite her best efforts she was falling in love with its tall, blonde, beautiful heartbroken driver. Meanwhile the object of her musing was shocked to sense an ache in her heart that had nothing to do with her husband's philandering.

ooOoo

'Morning Beverley!' Caroline called out as she heard her assistant arrive.

'Goodness me, you're in early.' Beverley replied from the outer office. 'I'd better get the kettle on!'

'Please, come in a minute first.'

Beverley didn't hesitate, hopeful of a positive start to the day. Caroline indicated that she should sit next to the desk.

'Did you read my e mail?' she asked, although not waiting for an answer. 'I'm so very sorry. You were right to speak to me about your concerns and it can't have been easy for you to do so. You most definitely didn't deserve my awful response.'

'It wasn't an easy conversation for either of us, I imagine. I knew that you would think about what I said even if you were initially dismissive. I don't want you to tell me what's wrong because that's not for me to know unless you decide otherwise, but I'm sure you know that I'll help in any way that I can.'

'Thank you. For your care and support. It's appreciated more than I can begin to say.'

Beverley smiled at the return of the frankness between them as much as at the words spoken. 'No problem. Anything I can do apart from make a cuppa?'

'There is actually. I've asked Kate McKenzie to meet with me at lunchtime. Could you get the kitchen to do a plate of sandwiches for us? She has a nut allergy, but they know that.'

'Of course. I'll do that on my way to make coffee.'

ooOoo

Caroline's morning was tedious in nature until eleven o'clock when she had a scheduled meeting with a new pupil's parents, who seemed to have unrealistic expectations of their child as well as the school. Caroline was not a stranger to such consultations and it did not take long for the frank exchange to achieve its goal and she doubted she would need to meet with them again. She walked the couple out of the building, to stretch her legs as well as to end the discussion more informally. On her return to the office she found Kate waiting for her.

'Hello, Kate. I'm glad you've made yourself at home. Not so nervous today, hopefully!' She squeezed Kate's shoulder in passing.

'Beverley said it would be ok to wait here but I get the impression she does an excellent job of protecting your space so I'm assuming she knew to expect me. Has she been with you from the start?'

'Yes, she was here for just over a year before I came. The previous head was a bit of a perfectionist and I think he gave Beverley a tough time. When I came the school was very regimented and it didn't take me long to realise who was open to change and Beverley was on my list. We all had to work extremely hard to restructure the school's ethos and reputation but there were a few who didn't get on board initially and that's when Beverley became my protector. The circumstances might have changed but that bit of her nature hasn't!'

As if on cue, Beverley knocked and entered, laden with a tray of sandwiches and tea.

'All the sandwiches are ok for you both; the kitchen thought that would be easier. I'll shut the door on my way out.' The secretary smiled as she placed the tray on the small coffee table, hopeful that Kate's company would encourage the head teacher to eat.

'Thank you, Beverley,' they replied, almost in unison.

Caroline stood up and directed Kate to the more comfortable chairs. Aware that it would have brewed on its journey from the kitchen she started to pour the tea, knowing from her visit to Kate's cottage in August that she didn't like it too strong. She smiled inwardly at the realisation as she placed the mug near to Kate.

'Just how you like it, I think.'

'Perfect! Thank you. I didn't expect this. I usually nibble on a cereal bar!'

'Good job this isn't an appraisal, then. If it was I'd be telling you to make time for essentials like breathing and eating! Although it isn't I'm still going to tell you to eat.'

'I don't need encouraging. But what about you?'

Caroline pulled at the waist band of her skirt. 'As you can see, there's room for a sandwich!' she said jokingly, but without smiling. 'Yesterday my little Rottweiler in the front office told me off about my weight. You might have noticed the smile on her face as she brought the sandwiches in. She's hoping that I'll eat because I'm in company. She knows something is worrying me but not the details.'

'I'm pleased that she's looking out for you.'

Caroline's manner changed to one of thoughtfulness as she recollected the change that twenty-four hours, and emotional support from two very kindly people, had brought about.

'How's my younger son today?' It wasn't a surprise to Kate that there was a limit to how long Caroline could focus on her own emotional wellbeing.

'About the same in form group but I was on break duty and happened to see that he was playing on the basketball court with some other lads. I think that's progress.'

'Nice try, Kate, but I don't for one minute accept your 'happened to see' claim. Fortunately for Lawrence and for me you were looking out for him. Thanks, Kate. Small steps. For both of us. God knows, we needed some progress.'

'There may be a backward step another day but at least you've both made a start. I promise I'll keep you posted on Lawrence.'

Caroline stared across the table, her thoughts and emotions racing.

'I've been thinking, Kate. It would be good for me to restart Pilates. My mother wouldn't mind looking out for the boys one evening a week. What do you feel about sharing a lift?'

'That's fine by me. We could alternate the driving, if you like. That way the passenger gets to drink more than half a glass!'

ooOoo

'Mum!' Lawrence called from the bottom of the stairs.

'I'm in the study.'

'Where's William?' asked a breathless Lawrence as he rushed into the kitchen, then opened the fridge to look for something to eat.

'Get out of that fridge. I'm out tonight so dinner will only be a few more minutes.' Caroline had given both boys some leeway since John had left but this was one battle in which she would not surrender. 'William's gone to get your Gran. She's eating with us and then looking after you while I'm out at Pilates.'

'We're old enough to look after ourselves.'

'That you should be, but we both know you can't. You'll be on your Xbox for too long if there's no one here to tell you otherwise and you won't listen to your brother.'

Lawrence muttered something that his mum didn't catch. She held her tongue rather than start an argument when she saw William and his Gran walk into the kitchen. Celia kissed and cuddled her daughter.

'You ok?' the older woman whispered.

'Yup.'

Meanwhile on the other side of the kitchen the boys were huddled together and their body language declared an impending disagreement.

'Well you can do what you want but I'm not going!' William barked.

'Not going where, William?' interjected his mum.

'With dad. Lawrence says dad wants to take us away for a long weekend at half term.'

'Oh, he does, does he? That's the first I've heard about it. Lawrence, what's all this about?'

'I keep telling him that I don't like just seeing him for a few hours here and there. In the cinema, McDonalds or wherever. I'm not going to her flat and so there's no other option because you don't want dad in the house. I had a text from him, just now, to say that he would book somewhere so we could have a couple of nights together. Half-term will be the best option because I won't have rugby. I'm going, so don't think you can stop me.' He glared at his mum as if to dare her to try.

'I've no intention of stopping you but I would have liked your father to speak to me first, that's all. William, if you don't want to go, that's fine too.'

Celia held onto her daughter's arm, to diffuse the situation while signalling William and Lawrence to sit at the table.

'Come on. As always, your mum's dinner smells wonderful. Let's eat. Please, boys.'

The conversation continued while they ate, with everyone trying hard to maintain the peace for one reason or another. After some wise words from his Gran, William agreed that he had been too hasty to decline the offer without proper thought so Caroline reluctantly agreed to contact John for further details. While she loved her boys and her mother, she was extremely relieved when the time came for her to head out to Pilates and, more importantly, the company of her friend.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Despite encouragement from the adults of 46 Conway Drive, William remained antagonistic towards his father and could not be persuaded to go away with him, which pleased his brother as it meant he was given free reign to decide their itinerary. While John ranted and raved to his wife about their elder son's decision he was inwardly pleased and made no attempt to contact William, confirming to the youngster that he had made the right choice. Apart from the obvious extra work and cost involved should he take a second teenager, for John there was the added benefit of the closeness of his relationship with Lawrence which would make for an easier time. Not the most thoughtful man, John failed to appreciate that he needed to expend effort to reduce the gap between himself and William and ignoring the problem risked bringing about an unbridgeable gulf.

So, the plans were made between just two of the three Elliot males and on the first Saturday of half-term Lawrence dashed outside without a backward glance when his dad arrived to collect him.

'See you Monday!' he called. 'Don't miss me too much!'

Caroline and William were finishing breakfast and didn't even have time to reply before they heard the front door slam shut.

'What are your plans for today?' the concerned mum asked, seeing sadness in the face of the boy across the breakfast bar.

'I thought I'd do my homework and that way I've the rest of the holiday to chill. What about you?'

'You mean after washing, shopping, house-work etcetera, etcetera?!'

'You've all holiday to catch up on those chores and I can help.' He replied, getting off the stool to load the dishwasher.

'You've got all holiday to do your homework! How about we throw caution to the wind and do something adventurous?'

'You mean like escaping Gran's clutches for the day?' William's sense of humour was music to his mum's ears.

'That wasn't what I was suggesting but I'm game.'

'Yeah, I wonder how far we can drive before she notices we've gone! Eyes and ears never at rest. Celia Dawson, aka Supergran.'

'Simply the best! Thank you for the compliment.' Celia interrupted, having entered the house without their notice. Fortunately, on this occasion, William had exaggerated her aural skill and she had misheard some of the conversation.

'Better than all the rest!' came the youngster's speedy response. 'Morning Gran. We were just making our plans for the day. What are you up to?'

'Have you forgotten? You said you'd give me a hand to clean my flat and move that chest of drawers. I've got the carpet shampoo machine in my car. We'll have to get cracking because I've only hired it until four o'clock today.'

'So I did. Sorry, Gran. I'll get my scruffs on and be with you.'

'How are you and what are your plans today?' Celia asked as William left the room. Frequently annoyingly observant, on this occasion she was so focused on her own plans that she failed to notice the disappointment on her daughter's face.

'The usual, mum. Although now that John's finally taken his stuff I've the space to reorganise my bedroom. I've some boxes at the back of the wardrobe that haven't been opened since my Uni days. I'll sort through them while William is helping you.'

'I hope he'll be ok. I'm worried he'll regret not going away with John.'

'You may well be right to worry, mum, but I am not sure how well he would have coped with being away either. As you well know, he and Lawrence are the proverbial red rag and bull. Throw John's ego into the mix and you have a recipe for disaster. To be honest it wouldn't surprise me if Lawrence wanted to come back early. We'll see.'

'Yes, we will. How about going out for a meal tonight? My treat.'

'Thanks for the offer, mum, but I don't think I can face it. How about a take-away and a film instead? One good thing about us three being here together is that we'll not spend half the evening arguing over what to watch.'

ooOoo

Picking the smaller of the boxes to start with, Caroline spent a very enjoyable hour looking at her degree course work from Oxford days. She laughed inwardly at the naivete of some of her efforts and the flamboyance of her handwriting. Using that box for things she wanted to keep, she tipped the contents of the second box onto the carpet to free it up for the rubbish. Her attention was caught by a folded piece of paper, bound with a brittle elastic band which crumbled as she tried to remove it. Six small photographs fell onto her lap. Hesitantly, before looking at the photos, she unfolded the paper and steeled herself for what she would read. The letter was dated July 3rd, with no mention of the year, although she knew exactly when it was written; the summer holidays of her first year at University.

' _ **My darling Caz,**_

 _ **How much I miss you! It's only five days since the end of term yet it seems like forever since I held you in my arms and kissed your beautiful face. I'm hoping that you're missing me as much. Actually, I know that you will be. Is that arrogance? No, it's blissful confidence that I hold the keys to the heart of the person I love most in all the world. I am dreading the days and weeks that lie ahead without you. Why do the holidays have to be so long?!**_

 _ **The first thing that I did after getting home was to have the film developed. Look how happy we are! I've kept half of the photos although there's one so blurred it's impossible to see us, but I can't bring myself to throw it away and I know that I never will. Goodness knows which one of our gormless friends couldn't hold the camera still.**_

 _ **I showed one of the photos to my parents and told them all about you. They weren't surprised. Sad, thoughtful but accepting. Mum said she was worried about me, about us, because of the opposition we're likely to face. Dad said what's accepted in a University environment won't be the case in the big wide world. If you can get here they would like to meet you. I don't think they're enough at peace with the news to agree to us sharing my bedroom, but I think you will agree being under the same roof will be wonderful. Interesting to think that they wouldn't have batted an eyelid about us bunking in together had I not been honest with them about the nature of our relationship. I wonder, have you dared to speak to your parents yet? Please try, sweetheart. Can't wait to hear from you.**_

 _ **All my love, forever, Meg. Xxx**_

 _ **P.S. Did your parents like your short hairstyle?**_

She read it a second and then a third time, although she did not need the script to remind her of the way Meg nurtured her heart and it ached as the memories were released. She turned her attention to the photographs, each one showing the same two young women with their wide smiles telling a story. Caroline Dawson and Meg Thomas, chemistry undergraduates; leaning back to back atop a brick wall, standing outside a cinema, sitting in a Wimpy bar with one coffee between them, and three other similar scenes - literal snapshots of the era and a loving relationship. The recent rejection and the hurt of so long ago joined forces to generate unimaginable pain. Her heart lost the battle against her brain as it resolutely concentrated her thoughts on the aftermath of Meg's letter, knowing that this was something she had never dared to process, and she cried as if being tortured. Her first thought as the anguish began to diminish was to pick up her phone, although she could not yet bring herself to talk.

'Morning Kate. Are you busy?' she texted.

'Not especially. Anything wrong?' came the quick reply.

'A backward step. Well, leap, really. Can I see you?'

'Of course. Come round or I can come to you.'

'Put the kettle on. Please.'

Within seconds Caroline was heading downstairs but as if held by a cord that denied her escape, she returned to her room to collect the photos and letter, carefully placing them in the inner zipped pocket of her bag. She knocked on the window of Celia's flat and shouted to the two workers that she needed to go out for a little while, leaving them assuming she was heading towards the local tidy-tip.

ooOoo

By the time Caroline arrived at Kate's cottage she had begun to wonder if she had made a wise decision. Now more in control of herself she felt awkward at troubling her friend, as the morning's release of padlocked memories had fanned the spark of physical attraction she had already begun to feel towards Kate. She knew that she dared not risk acting in any way that might ruin things between the two of them, so she determined to stay long enough for a cuppa before making an excuse to leave.

Kate hugged Caroline as she welcomed her at the door, now most definitely friends rather than colleagues greeting each other. Once in the kitchen it was clear that food was being prepared and Caroline felt embarrassed that she had interrupted Kate's lunch.

'Oh, Kate, I'm so sorry. I didn't even think what the time was when I texted you. I'll go.'

'That you won't. I'm doing some for you too. If you're hungry, that is.'

Caroline's inner being whispered to her that she was hungry but not for food. Her cheeks reddened in embarrassment at what Kate would think if she could read her mind.

'Gosh, it's hot in here, Kate.'

'Here, let me take your jacket. Make yourself at home. Chicken soup and crusty bread coming up.'

'That's a wonderful smelling soup,' she complimented as she lifted the lid on the saucepan.

'I'm not the world's best cook but I promise it will taste good too. I make a batch, use it just as soup or maybe stock for casseroles and it freezes well if there's any left. Mother nature's penicillin, so it's said.'

'In that case I'm not sorry I disturbed you.'

'Not sure it's a big enough reward to compensate for your backward step but I'm pleased you felt able to contact me.' Kate placed crockery and spoons on the breakfast bar as she watched her visitor. 'Is it Lawrence being away with John? The cause, I mean.' Seeing detachment on Caroline's face she added, 'Sorry, you might not want to talk about it.'

'No, it's reasonable for you to ask,' she acknowledged without offering an answer. 'Can we eat first, Kate?'

'No problem. Can you cut the bread, please, while I get the soup?'

The women directed their attention to the task in hand and the conversation shifted to more mundane topics. With such a delightful companion, tasty food, the radio playing quietly in the background and the late autumn sun shining through the large picture window, Caroline knew she had rarely enjoyed a more pleasant lunch. Afterwards they cleared away together, both sorry that time was passing so quickly.

'What are your plans for half-term?'

'I'm still decorating the spare bedroom so that's my priority; not that I'm expecting visitors. Then there's spring bulbs to plant that I haven't even bought yet. Perhaps you can tell me which is the best garden centre. Or, better still, go with me if you have time and can get away from the boys.'

'You forgot my mum, Kate! The boys will be fine, but she'll camp out in the Jeep if she hears about any plans for a garden centre trip. Seriously!'

Kate laughed but Caroline picked up on a hollowness and instantly realised her mistake.

'You'll have to forgive me laughing about her because I bet you would give anything for your mum to go with you. Or a partner. I've not dared to ask before, have you always lived on your own?' Caroline was not sorry at that moment for attention to be focused on Kate.

'I do miss my mum, but we've adjusted to being on different sides of the Atlantic and we make the most of the times when we're together. As for living on my own, I haven't always. Richard and I divorced last year and that's when I missed her the most, I guess. It was good then it wasn't and now I'm in a better place. It took me some time to realise that the marriage wasn't working and in many ways what came before the separation was the worst. Then it was like a switch being flicked and we knew we shouldn't stay together.'

'Kate, you're so intelligent, pretty and kind that it can't be long before you find a decent man to appreciate and love you.'

Kate bent down to put the saucepan in a cupboard and used the opportunity to summon the courage to challenge Caroline's declaration, knowing that she could not be disingenuous to her friend.

'That's kind of you but, the thing is, I mean, I'm not looking for a man, Caroline. I'm gay. I thought you knew.' __


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Based on Caroline's negativity after the conversation in the pub some weeks previously Kate expected her words would produce a similar response. Silence reigned as Caroline crossed the kitchen floor to pick up her handbag, and it appeared Kate's fears were being realised.

'I'm sorry if I've offended you.' Caroline broke the silence but failed to make eye contact.

'I'm sorry if I've offended you too. It's not something that I feel a constant need to declare but neither could I go along with what you'd said. That would have been dishonest and no basis for a friendship.' Despite her self-awareness Kate felt unexpectedly nervous, albeit pleased that Caroline was, at least, engaging in conversation.

'But what I don't understand is why you thought I already knew; how would I?' Caroline looked at Kate for the first time.

'After what that woman said about us being a couple and my answer to her.'

Caroline smiled, much to Kate's relief.

'I know I was a bit withdrawn after that pub incident although it seems not for the reason you think. I was a bit shaken by what she said, I admit, but I didn't hear what you said to her.' She lifted the flap of her bag and opened the zipped pocket before placing a photo on the worktop. 'Here, have a look.'

Kate grinned. 'Wow, look at your short hair! Who's the other person and dare I ask why you are squeezed into a phone box?'

Caroline swallowed hard, knowing that her answer was likely to be a crucial part of any healing.

'Her name's Meg and I loved her. I broke my own heart when I broke hers.' The pain of earlier that morning broke through once again and the photo fell from Kate's grasp as she hugged her weeping friend.

Kate held Caroline tight as the tears flowed and her body shook.

'We're a right pair, Caroline. The last time you were in this house you were comforting me, remember? Come on, let's sit somewhere comfortable.' Kate's own voice began to break as compassion overflowed. 'Do you want to tell me more about her?'

Their walk to the lounge seemed to quieten Caroline but they had barely settled on the sofa before Caroline suddenly stood, her hand firmly on Kate's shoulder.

'I want to show you the other photos.'

She returned to the kitchen for her bag, the letter and photos, including the one which had fallen to the floor.

'Oh, Meg. I'm so sorry for being so weak,' she whispered as she stroked the face of her lost love.

Once again, she sat down next to Kate, whose own thoughts had been racing while she was on her own. Caroline placed her belongings on the coffee table before grabbing both of Kate's hands in her own as she started to speak.

'We met on our first day at University and hit it off straight away. It was uncanny and not like anything I'd ever known before. I'm not the most confident of people in social situations as I think you might have noticed but back then, well I was even worse. Totally lacking. Meg just broke through, somehow. It was just a few weeks later that she told me that she was a lesbian and, more importantly, that she had feelings for me. I was shocked. Having been brought up in a sheltered environment, I'd had little experience of life. Well, apart from my dad's philandering but that's a story for another time, maybe. I hadn't even had a romantic relationship of any kind when I went to Oxford. I'd always been more interested in books and studying. An oddity.'

'I'm sure you were nothing of the sort. Focus and determination to succeed didn't make you an oddity.'

'Huh! You haven't met my mother. Anyway, we'll come back to her later, assuming you're happy to keep listening. I asked Meg to give me space to think about what she'd said. I went away to work out what I thought, not just about Meg and our friendship but also about what I felt about her in that other way. It didn't take me long to realise why it was that we'd connected so easily and so well. Within about four hours I was on her doorstep and that was that. It was like coming home after being lost.'

'That's lovely but obviously not the end of the story.'

'To be honest, Kate, I was so scared of everything that I asked her to keep it quiet. Before University Meg had spent a gap year in France working as an au pair, and was about eighteen months older than me. During that time she'd had a relationship with a slightly older woman who lived next door, just a fling really, all ending amicably when she returned to England. Meg understood that I had to catch-up, as it were. It took me weeks to do more than kiss.'

Caroline paused and handed the photos to Kate.

'We were inseparable. The others guessed but didn't care and I started to become more confident in our relationship and future. These photos were taken by friends we spent time with when we could bear to share our time. We were so happy, as you can see for yourself, but it didn't last. About a year later I met John and thought my relationship with Meg was just a phase to get over and that I'd forget her.'

Caroline paused and it seemed as if she had said all she intended to say.

'You said earlier that you broke her heart.'

That simple statement by Kate was enough to restart Caroline's recollections, although at first it seemed as if she'd changed the subject.

'John's cleared his stuff out of the house at last, thank goodness. William had promised to help his Gran today and I wanted to keep busy, so I thought I'd sort through some boxes from the back of my wardrobe. These photos and a letter from Meg were in one of the boxes, untouched for about twenty years since I finished my degree. I remember not being able to bring myself to throw them away. I guess that speaks volumes. This morning all the hurt came back when I read the letter again and saw the photos. That's when I texted you. I came here for company, not to talk about Meg but when you told me you were gay it just opened the floodgates. I've never told anyone about Meg before, except my mother. Ah yes. Now we come to that. Kate, can we have something to drink? Alcohol related, preferably.'

They soon resumed their conversation, this time with a bottle of wine on the table in front of them.

'Wonderful lunch and now alcohol. Just what I needed. This next bit is not so easy to talk about but I'll try.' She took a deep breath in then exhaled. 'After I heard from Meg, and being so desperate to see her, I plucked up courage to talk to my mother. I expect that you'll think it strange but she wouldn't have let me go away for the summer without good reason. Not that she'd want me home to earn money. No way. That would have made it look as if my parents couldn't support me! The shame! In her eyes, anyway. But of course, without having a job I was reliant on them for money. No money, no travel, no visit to Meg. She wanted me to be home to keep her company. My dad worked away most of the time and when he was home, well, he was only home in body and not spirit.

So, I told her that I'd met someone whose parents had invited me to visit. All was well to start with but then, of course, when she asked me what HIS name was….. Oh my God. Talk about wrath. I was an embarrassment. How dare I? What would people say? They already thought me an oddity for being a woman and studying chemistry. Had I cut my hair because I was the male of the relationship and wanted to look the part? The ire and the vitriol flowed and I just took it. I didn't fight for myself or my feelings. Or for Meg.'

Caroline clutched her friend's hands so tightly that Kate felt her circulation would be compromised. She freed one hand to wipe the tears that had begun to fall from her own eyes, her heart aching for her friend and all those who experienced similar prejudice.

'Caroline, that's so sad. I can't imagine how awful that would have been. I was so lucky at the way my parents have always supported me whatever choices I've made in my life. I assume you finished the relationship with Meg to keep your mother happy.'

'Sort of, without telling her about my mother's interference. I just wrote to say that I'd changed my mind. I didn't hear back. When I returned to Oxford for our second year a large part of me was hoping that Meg would try to persuade me and give me courage to continue. When I saw her she looked so ill, thin and lifeless. Mind you, I don't think I looked much better. We'd been back about a week and happened to leave the lecture hall at the same time. I couldn't help but smile at her. She looked straight through me. A mutual friend came to see me later that day with a message from Meg asking me to have the decency to leave her alone; I'd done enough damage and she was barely functioning. That's it. End of story. Never spoke to her again. I put all those feelings in a box, locked it and threw away the key.'

'I have no idea what to say. It's simply tragic. I feel extremely privileged to have been trusted to hear it all.'

'I'm grateful to you for listening. I've taken up so much of your time and I probably need to go.'

'Have you got to be somewhere else?'

'William and my mum will be sending out the search party soon and this isn't getting your decorating done.'

'You don't have to go, for my sake anyway. How about just texting one of them to say you've bumped into a friend and you'll be back soon.'

Caroline accepted Kate's suggestion and William sent a short but telling reply.

'Lucky you. Please rescue me before too long!'

The two women continued chatting and sipping wine, before Caroline recollected that she shouldn't have had so much to drink as she was driving.

'Have another glass with me then get a taxi home and I'll collect you to pick your car up tomorrow. Please.'

It didn't take much persuasion for Caroline to agree and she relaxed for the first time that day. An hour later she knew that she really did have to leave, and a taxi was called.

'There's still one thing that I'm not clear about,' Kate mentioned as Caroline put her jacket on. 'When we were assumed to be a couple, if you didn't go quiet because you thought I was gay, what was the reason?'

Caroline was a little embarrassed but thought that Kate deserved honesty in return for her own. 'I thought that bloody woman had picked up on my dormant lesbianism and how I had started to feel about you.'

'Had?' Kate questioned expectantly, as the taxi driver knocked at the door.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

Caroline stood with one hand on the door knob, the other tightly clutching her bag. She smiled a smile that Kate knew would never fail to quicken her heart beat.

'Got to go. I'll book the taxi back tomorrow to collect my car.'

'Please don't. I'll pick you up. Say about half past ten.'

Caroline nodded, gave Kate a quick hug and followed the taxi driver along the path.

'I'll bring you back via Leeds so you have time to answer my question!' Kate called from the doorstep. 'It's too soon but I'll wait,' she said to nobody but herself.

ooOoo

While William was busy with manual labour his mind was otherwise occupied with wondering how things were going for Lawrence and his dad. Truth be told, jealousy of his brother was vying with anger towards his dad as to which one was the stronger emotion. Although his underlying nature was one of kindness, he was ashamed to admit to himself that he hoped their trip would prove to be a disaster. Fortunately, he found his Gran's company helpful; she was a ready listener to the susceptible sixteen-year-old's anxieties. Her need for his support was also a confidence booster and they sat down for another computer lesson after their other chores had been completed. But, as much as he was happy to be with her, he was more than pleased to see his mum walk into the flat.

'But I thought I had pressed THAT key to take me back to the previous page.' The flustered grandmother acknowledged her daughter's arrival without skipping a beat, 'Caroline, take your shoes off! The carpet's still damp. Trust you to come back when the work has been done. But, William, what if I want to open two at the same time?'

'Hello to you too, mum,' she replied sarcastically but did as she was told and walked in with stockinged feet. 'I'd have only got in the way. Well done, the two of you.'

She had decided not to go into detail of what she'd been doing unless specifically asked, and that was the case early that evening when the take-away was delivered and William noticed her car was not parked outside.

'Mum! Quick! The Jeep's been stolen.'

Caroline collapsed into a fit of giggles as she rushed into the hallway.

'Panic not, William. I left my car at a friend's house. We shared a bottle of wine and I couldn't drive home. I'll collect it in the morning.'

Both William and Celia were pleased to see her so cheery, making for a very enjoyable evening. On Caroline's part, she knew it had been some time since she had felt such an enthusiasm for what the next day would bring, although it was accompanied by the worry that there was a painful and challenging task requiring her attention before she could confidently look forward to the future. She suspected her mother would be no more accepting of a gay daughter than she had been half a lifetime ago.

ooOoo

Caroline was waiting on the front garden steps when Kate pulled onto the drive. As had become their accepted greeting, a hug was exchanged once Caroline had settled into the car.

'What a lovely morning, Kate. Just right for a drive to Leeds,' she uttered in a deadpan voice as the car reached the road.

Kate took a quick, sideways glance. She was greeted with a smile, which she returned with interest.

'You heard what I said, then?'

'Yes. I heard.' This time there was a lack of frivolity in her tone. 'Do you mind if we don't talk about it, Kate? I don't think I want to, at least not in the car. That's why I thought I'd raise the subject first. I didn't want you to be on tenterhooks wondering if you should ask again or for me to answer you. It's pretty hellish for me to talk about personal things and I need to feel that the time is right. When it is, as you know from yesterday, there'll be no stopping me.'

'I understand. I want to be a good friend, not one that adds to your woes. Can I ask how you feel today?'

'Yesterday wasn't the easiest of days but it's weird because I feel brighter despite the confrontation with the past. My mother and William didn't say anything but I'm sure they noticed.'

'Maybe you feel brighter BECAUSE of that confrontation. These things may seem to lay dormant but I believe they wield a terrible power. But if you don't want to talk about what was said yesterday how about we move on to politics and the education system?'

'Don't get me started on that, Kate. That's why I stopped working in state schools. We'd need to drive to the coast and back to even begin to deal with that particular chestnut.'

The remaining ten minutes of their journey was spent chatting in similar vein and once again both women were disappointed that their time together was coming to an end.

'Want to come in for a cuppa?' Kate offered as they stood on the pavement.

'I can't. I'd like to but I daren't leave William to his Gran's devices again. He's a good boy and deserves better!'

Caroline held Kate's lower arms and faced her full on. She didn't want her to think that she was deliberately avoiding her.

'Can we take a rain check? Tomorrow would suit me as William is going to meet up with some friends for lunch and the cinema. Lawrence won't be back until the evening.'

'That's fine with me. Want to come for lunch again?'

'Only if we can have some more of your wonderful soup and you let me bring the fresh bread.'

Without any further words being spoken she leaned in to kiss Kate on each cheek before beginning her journey home.

ooOoo

The following day saw Caroline drive William and two of his friends to the leisure complex. One of the other parents agreed to do the reverse journey, which freed Caroline up until late afternoon. She bought a baguette and a box of fresh fruit tarts from an authentic French baker, arriving at Kate's cottage earlier than she was expected.

Before getting out of the car she checked her hair and make-up in the rear-view mirror. 'Vanity, vanity, all is vanity!' she thought but looked a second time to make sure that she was happy with her appearance. The classic pink shirt under a cream loose-necked jumper, which had won the vote when she had dressed especially carefully that morning, were next to be subject to scrutiny. All the while she told herself it was a sign she was feeling better about herself again rather than any other reason.

Walking up the path to the cottage door she heard music coming from an open upstairs window. She recognised one of William's favourites bands. Suddenly Kate's voice rang out for the chorus, louder than Marcus Mumford.

'Cause I will wait, I will wait for you…'

'Please do, Kate. Please do!' she pleaded quietly as she knocked on the door.

She heard the singing stop and Kate's face appeared at the open window.

'Oh, you've caught me painting. Be straight down.'

She brought attention to the paint smudges on her jumper, face and hands as soon as she opened the door.

'Look at me! Thankfully it is only emulsion and will wash off easily but I won't hug you and spoil your clothes. Do you want to have a look at my progress?'

Caroline followed Kate to the spare room, which would be finished once the last magnolia wall had been tackled.

'It's looking good, Kate. I've never done much decorating. I direct operations from behind the safety of the colour chart!'

'It's fun. My dad encouraged me to be self-sufficient. He told me from an early age that a woman shouldn't be reliant on a man. Perhaps he knew how my life would pan out! Give me a minute and I'll clean up. You can go down and put the gas underneath the soup pan while you wait, if you want.'

An hour later the two women debated over the choice of tarts.

'This is a real treat. Thank you, Caroline.' Kate mumbled as she bit into one laden with kiwi and strawberries.

'You're welcome. I thought they'd help me regain the weight I lost. Well, that's my story but the reality is that they're my weakness. What's yours, Kate?'

'My weakness?'

'Yes.'

'Dare I say, tall, blonde, beautiful women?' she teased.

'You can say what you want. Do you know any?' Caroline went along with the joke, while hoping that the compliment was not just something said in jest. Her face spoke of a woman longing for love to be declared without ambiguity and Kate read the expression clearly.

Wiping her mouth on her napkin, Kate summoned the words that she knew needed to be said.

'Gosh, this is difficult.' She paused and looked at Caroline, who didn't dare to catch her eye. 'I value our friendship. I hope, I think you know that. It has been an unexpected bonus in my new life in Harrogate. I would hate anything to happen to spoil that. The truth is I am attracted to you, but I'd rather have you as a friend than not at all. From what you said yesterday I think you feel something for me too.' Another pause while she waited to see how her words were received. Caroline's face remained expectant. 'It's too soon for us to try, Caroline. Too soon after John but more significantly, too soon after Meg.'

'How can that be too soon? It was over twenty years ago.' She knew the moment she said it that her protestation was inaccurate, and Kate's were words of wisdom.

Kate tentatively reached out across the table to touch Caroline's clenched hands, rubbing her thumb across silky smooth pale skin.

'Yes, true. But you've been holding on to hurt and inwardly grieving for what might have been all that time, even if you didn't realise it until now. You lost your first love. You know what the song says, the first cut is the deepest, and I think there's a great deal of truth in that.' She moved around the table until their seats were almost touching. She wound her arm across hunched shoulders. 'You know, this is nothing to do with sexuality but everything to do with the guilt that you feel and grief that is more acute than that from the breakdown of your marriage. That's why it's too soon.'

Kate hesitated, giving time for her words to take root and for Caroline to reply. The room remained silent and Kate decided to continue.

'I wonder if you're up to answering some questions. Simple yes or no answers if you don't feel like talking.'

Caroline nodded her head but did not otherwise acknowledge her friend.

'Am I right that you're feeling guilty about Meg and your behaviour.'

Nod.

'Can you still feel the love that you had for her?'

Nod.

'Is there some part…

'I remember it like it was yesterday. It was…. wonderful but I don't still feel in love with her. There's a difference.'

This time it was Kate who could only nod her head and she was rewarded by Caroline continuing to explain.

'I wondered 'what if' for a long time afterwards but I don't feel that now. Not for myself, anyway. I hope she's ok and wonder if her life has been good but that's to assuage my guilt, I suppose. I don't know how you think any of that is going to change. What's done is done.' She placed one hand on top of Kate's and returned the affectionate caressing.

'Well, at least your guilt and dreams are no longer locked in a box.' She squeezed Caroline's shoulders a little harder and leaned in to snuggle their heads together. 'How about finding Meg? You could explain why you did what you did. I can understand you wanting to know if she's happy but neither the nineteen-year-old, or the forty something, Caroline can take responsibility if she's not. But I do believe that it would be good for you to claim back your self-respect as you may struggle to move on unless you can forgive yourself. Maybe asking Meg's forgiveness again is part of that process.'

'Do you think?' She could not remember a time when she had been given such wise support and that awareness was comforting.

'I know what I think about you and I sense you feel the same. I question whether you and I, or you and anyone, would have hope of success with your mind full of what you did, how and why you did it, and with Meg's message still ringing in your ears.'

'I heard you singing when I knocked at your door today.'

Kate buried her head in their entwined hands, sensing that Caroline was familiar with the song that she had played on repeat all morning.

'Oh, how embarrassing.' She lifted her head and smiled.

'Not at all, Kate. You sing so well. You've kept that light hidden from your employer!'

'I didn't really mean the singing.'

'Will you, Kate? Will you wait for me?'

Kate moved to cradle the face of the woman she wanted to love forever. Slowly, respectfully and chastely she moved her head to bring their lips together. The contact was as light as air on a breathless summer day but as charged as that before a storm; as brief as it was meaningful, full of promise and commitment.

'For as long as it takes.'


	15. Chapter 15

A/N Thank you for the reviews and PMs. You have no idea how much they mean to me. My dad – a most lovely man - has been very unwell and passed away last week. The writing of this story and your encouragement helped on those nights when sleep was in short supply and in the daytime as a diversion from the worry and grief. LTIH works its magic in so many ways.

Chapter 15

They met once more during that autumn half-term break from Sulgrave, wrapped up warmly for a saunter around an outdoor garden centre in an isolated part of Yorkshire that Kate had not yet visited. There was an ease and informality about their time together that was rather different from any previous encounter. Although it remained a friendship rather than relationship, there was an acceptance and anticipation that made both women feel secure. An e-mail that Kate wrote to her mum summarised her feelings.

'Hi Mum

It was good to speak to you at the weekend and hear in your voice that you're on the mend. You always seem so busy and I worry that you don't look after yourself properly. I know, since when am I the parent?! I thought I'd give you an update on how things are here. I've finished decorating the spare bedroom – your room, I guess I ought to call it! Just the new curtains to hang and then furniture to buy. I'll do both before I'm back to school next week and then take some photos to send to you. I've been out to a lovely garden centre with Caroline today. I'll take you there on your next visit. Quite a lot has happened. I'll dare to say we're hopeful that we're heading in the right direction. I understand your misgivings and mixing business and pleasure isn't ideal but I'm sure we'll work it out. She's agreed to at least try to track down the woman that I told you about. I'm being careful – before you panic – as I've no intention of rushing things and risk losing what I think we can have together. As you suspected I've completely lost my heart to this magnificent woman, but I'm still using my head! I know I've only known her a very short time but I've such a good feeling about it all. Caroline has told me that she would have thrown caution to the wind and just jumped straight into a relationship with me which is strange as that doesn't seem to be her normal nature at all. Over cautious, if anything. She has what dad used to call a belt and braces approach to life. She seems so vulnerable, which is another reason why I need to be careful. A relationship between us now would be on the rebound from the only two she's ever had, and not yet dealt with. What I do know is that you'll like each other. If circumstances were different I'd ask you if I could bring her with me when I visit at Christmas but I know she can't get away and, even if she could, let's just say living under the same roof would be too much for my resolve. I know, too much information!

Yesterday the care home staff told me how much dad enjoys speaking to you on the phone. I'm so pleased you do that, not many ex-wives would. He still uses a diary to write everything down although I can see such a change in his handwriting I wonder how much longer he'll be able to do so. If I ask what's been happening, he always says 'nothing' but if I look in the diary I can see that he's been busy. He's really enjoying the music therapy classes, as we thought he would. He writes down the date and time of the next session, underlines it and writes 'DON'T FORGET' at the top of the page. His guitar skills are unchanged which is amazing and comforting. Small mercies, eh mum?

I'll ring you as usual.

Kate xx

ooOoo

'Kate, have you got a minute?' the headteacher asked as she caught her going into the first lesson of the afternoon.

'Class, find your seats and get ready for the test on the verbs you were asked to learn for homework. No, Sam, I am not in trouble with Dr Elliot, but you will be if you refer to me as Kate again!' She organised her year ten top set before closing the classroom door and joining Caroline in the corridor. She touched her friend's elbow very briefly before putting her hands in her trouser pockets. 'You ok?'

'Can you come to my office when school finishes? I want to show you something.'

It wasn't lost on Kate that Caroline had not answered her question.

'Of course. I'm on detention duty today, though. Two miscreants to strike the fear of God into! I won't be done until about a quarter to four.'

'That's fine. Gives me time to clear my desk. William and Lawrence will just have to wait in the library or catch the bus home.'

'OK. See you later.'

The Headteacher watched through the classroom door as Kate got into her stride with the students. She was a popular teacher who frequently used humour to cajole and Caroline knew that the students in detention later that afternoon were just as likely to rock with laughter as quake in their shoes. She also had no doubt that Kate would still manage to get the message home about whatever behaviour had led to their punishment.

'And you can detain me, any day you like.' She thought to herself with a smile as taupe Stilettos sounded out her stride on the return journey to her office.

ooOoo

The two boys decided to catch the bus home rather than wait for their mum. Lawrence was keen to raid the fridge and do his homework as quickly as possible before commandeering the TV remote while William felt it his duty to go home with his younger brother to keep an eye on him.

Kate stopped off in the staff room to collect her belongings and make a pot of tea to take with her to the office. Beverley had been absent from school for a few days after the removal of a wisdom tooth and Kate knew that Caroline was not likely to have bothered to make herself an afternoon drink.

'I made us a cuppa.' She announced as she struggled to close the door while shouldering her bags and balancing the tray on her hip.

'No shit, Sherlock!'

'Caroline Elliot! How very dare you!'

'That's me when my guard is down. Congratulations, you've broken through the barriers!'

Kate's intention was to put the tray on the desk and lean in to hug Caroline, but she slipped as she did so and just managed to prevent the tea sliding onto the floor. In the process she totally lost her footing and landed in an inelegant heap on Caroline's lap. Watching the event as if in slow motion Caroline instinctively put out her arms to help and her hands grabbed Kate's ribcage and left thigh. The initial shock stopped as raucous laughter started but that also came to an end as their eyes locked. Caroline kept her hands where they were, as a welcome flutter announced her arousal. Kate's body was similarly awakened, and she found her eyes travel to the full, pink lips so very near her own.

'I want to kiss you.' An obvious statement of fact, quietly spoken.

'I want you to.'

Each woman's eyes now focussed unwaveringly on the lips of the other, just inches apart.

'It wouldn't be chaste like the first time I kissed you.'

'I wouldn't want it to be.' Caroline instinctively licked her bottom lip.

'I wouldn't want it to stop at a kiss.'

'Where would you want it to stop, Kate?'

'I think you know.'

'A woman likes to be told these things.'

'I could tell you, but I think I need to move first or I'll be showing rather than telling.'

With all the exchanges there was no hint of humour, both women making deliberate attempts to provoke action despite their pact. Neither made any effort to move, closer or further apart.

'Anyone ever told you, you're a spoilsport?'

'No, but you have now. I guess there's always a first time.'

'Is that a promise?'

'Yes, it's a promise.'

'So, will you kiss me now?'

'I think we've already had this conversation.' Kate pretended to chastise but the reality was that she was fast losing her resolve.

'But I didn't like the answer. You should know that I'm very determined.'

'Then why don't YOU kiss me?'

Caroline was still considering her options when the office phone rang. The spell was broken. As Caroline answered it, flustered yet radiant, Kate took the opportunity to put the width of the desk between them. The caller droned on, and she watched, almost spellbound, then walked to the window, trying to find something to distract her from an almost overwhelming desire to disconnect the phone and finish what had been started between them. Meanwhile Caroline was doing her best to concentrate on the call.

'Sorry, Kate. There's a new accounting system that Gavin wants to trial, and he phoned to leave a message about the visit from the company's rep. Of course, getting me and not Beverley or the answerphone, he couldn't help but tell me about all and sundry. Now, where were we?' She explained as the call ended.

'Where we were was close to somewhere we agreed not to be. Well, not yet, anyway.'

Kate sat down in the chair on the opposite side of the desk and crossed her legs. The throbbing had yet to subside and the action helped to quell the longing. She determined to stay strong but knew she would have to deal with the aftermath when she arrived home.

'Now, shall we drink our tea while you show me what you asked me here to see? Or was that a ruse to get me all hot under the collar?'

'No, it wasn't a ruse, Kate.' Caroline's demeanour changed from flirty to thoughtful. 'Here, move your chair closer to mine so I can show you something.' She pressed the start button on her iPad.

Ten minutes previously Kate was sure to have responded with a witticism or tease but the look on Caroline's face indicated that the banter was over, at least for a while.

Caroline gave a running commentary as she opened an app and scrolled through assorted options.

'It's been four weeks since you suggested I try to find Meg and I thought it would be easy. You can find anyone on Facebook, or so I thought. Anyway, as I told you the other day, there are several called Meg or Margaret Thomas but not the right one. Why couldn't her name be Wilhelmina Fortesque-Smythe? Most nights this week I've tried to find some mutual friends and received PMs from two. Nobody seems to have any up-to-date information on Meg.'

'Not everyone is on Facebook, Caroline. It's a good place to start but even if she's got a Facebook account she may have set it up so that it's private.' Kate was aware she had interrupted Caroline's flow. 'Sorry, you know that.'

'It's fine, Kate. Anyway, I decided to try Friends Reunited too, as you know. This arrived late last night.' She slid the tablet across the desk so that it was in front of Kate, who read the message out, her heart thumping loudly in anticipation – and fear.

'Caroline! How wonderful to get your message! Of course I remember you but where have 23 years gone? Who could forget the shy, but brilliant Caroline Dawson? You will see that I married Steve Bilson – you must remember him as you introduced us. I think you only did that to get rid of him! But thank you, we now have two strapping sons and we've a wonderful life in New Zealand! Steve pretended not to remember you when I told him you'd been in contact, but I know he was lying! He fancied the pants off you, but you weren't interested. So, by your current surname I assume that you married John after all? I'm sorry that we lost contact after we graduated. Right, down to business. You asked if I had any contact with Meg. Neither of you ever said what caused you to fall out but we were all surprised that you did. We never spoke of it – you didn't in those days – but (please don't shout at me), I thought you were so right for each other. I feel it would be wrong of me to give you Meg's address and contact details without her knowledge – she doesn't do social media, so you won't find her that way – but I have sent your e-mail address to her as you said that I could if I was able to help. Please stay in touch. With very best wishes, Irene.'

Kate pushed her chair back so that she could see Caroline more easily.

'That seems like progress but I can't work out how you feel about the news.'

Caroline sipped at the now cold tea, using the action to give her time to consider. Kate picked up her drink but made no attempt to taste it and returned the mug to the tray. The wish to touch was almost unbearable and she would have preferred to put some distance between them but stayed where she was to avoid distraction.

'That makes two of us, Kate. I'd thought it would be a case of her wanting to make contact, which I thought would be a positive, or not. Now I've developed a fear that I will hear but that it will be anything but positive and I'm scared that will add to the guilt that I feel. Perhaps she's been saving up anger for over two decades and I'll get the full force of it.'

She threw her glasses onto the desk and rubbed the bridge of her nose.

'I can understand your anxiety but is that really going to happen if she was the type of person that you thought? If you were wrong about her character, and she's someone who has harboured resentment and anger against you for so long, then your decision to end it with her may have been for the best even if not for the best reason. But, I doubt that you have got her so wrong. My guess is that this will pan out in one of two ways. Either you won't hear for any number of reasons, or you'll hear and she will have moved on and be pleased that you have tried to find her. I think my money is on that option. In any case, you'll have done your best to right what you see as a wrong and then you can move forward.'

'With you, Kate.' Caroline whispered tentatively.

'I'm not sure whether you meant that to be a statement or question but, yes, I hope with me.'

'Please will you kiss me, Kate?' She swung her chair so that she faced Kate.

'You are persistent, aren't you?'

Kate didn't wait for an answer. She cupped her left hand against Caroline's face and inched forward hesitantly, appreciating the anticipation of what was to come. This was not such a brief contact as before, and in no way chaste as Caroline's lips parted at Kate's approach and the tips of their tongues met for the first time.


	16. Chapter 16

A/N Thank you. What a kind bunch you are.

Chapter 16

Despite the evident pleasure that the kiss had given, both women felt awkward as it ended, albeit for differing reasons. Caroline blushed with excitement and embarrassment, and Kate couldn't look her way, ashamed that her resolve had crumbled so easily.

'I'm sorry.' Kate mumbled.

'Don't be.'

Kate lifted her head and stared into sparkling blue eyes, smile lines showing at the corners. Although she could see all of Caroline's face, she moved her head and eyes to check for any negative emotions battling their way to the surface. Caroline sensed her discomfiture and seized Kate's hands, shaking them gently as she spoke.

'Kate, I needed to kiss you. I was too much of a coward to make the first move, so it should be me apologising. It's like…. there's been decades of hiding, even to myself, and I couldn't carry on like that.'

Kate's nod and facial expression showed that she understood but she still was not comfortable with the way things had changed and there was a niggling feeling that she couldn't quite grasp.

'I understand, I do. But, Caroline, we need to backpedal. You know that I'm worried that it would be too easy to get swept up in the future without the past being dealt with. I don't want to risk problems down the line for the sake of waiting, maybe just a few more weeks.' She paused momentarily as an anxiety began to irritate her brain. 'If you needed courage to kiss me, and you haven't got it, that speaks volumes,' she observed, surprising herself at her rebuke.

'Possibly.' Caroline responded grudgingly, patently not used to having someone be so direct. She was attuned enough to realise that it was a reasonable observation and kissed her left index finger before placing it on Kate's lips. 'I suppose I'll have to make do with this, for now.'

Caroline's words and expression concurred, but Kate's anxiety was fast developing into fear as she considered whether Caroline's ability to be open about her sexuality was confined to the past.

ooOoo

The end of the autumn term was manic, as always, with Christmas concert preparation and performances having to be fitted around grading, reports and the usual day-to-day education of the students. For Caroline this was a welcome relief. It occupied her mind, at least during the day, so that she was not constantly anxious about hearing from Meg. As days sped by she began to think that she would never receive a reply but at the very least, hoped that if Meg did make contact it would be before Kate flew to New York.

It wasn't to be and as a subdued Caroline drove Kate to the airport, she realised afresh how much she had come to rely on her.

'It will be fine, Caroline. It's unlikely she'll reply now but wouldn't she have done so already if she was intent on bombarding you with recriminations? Just enjoy Christmas with the boys and I'll be back before you realise I've gone.'

'Ok. I'll try.' She looked up at the clock. 'I think you'd better head through security now. I'd say that I'd hate for you to miss your flight but that would be a downright lie.'

Kate followed her gaze and checked her watch. It was, indeed, time to say their goodbyes. At that moment, not matter how much she longed to see her mum, her heart was torn. She thrust those thoughts aside, determined to stay upbeat.

'Well, just remember that you are not allowed to open your present until Christmas Day. No peeping or feeling either!'

'Make me sound like a five-year-old. As if!'

'Yes, as if! I'll have you know that I overheard Lawrence say that you can't be trusted with presents. Something about being found underneath the tree, I believe.'

The exchange was enough to lift spirits temporarily and Kate scurried off, after a hug, to hide her own emotions as well as to protect Caroline's.

ooOoo

Caroline had reluctantly agreed that John could spend Boxing Day at Conway Drive. She donned the obligatory air of seasonal bonhomie, for the boys' sake, although William continued to have none of it.

'I don't know how you can be civil to him let alone laugh at his jokes,' he whined while he helped his mum put the finishing touches to an evening snack. Celia felt she was going down with a virus and had already returned to her flat, while his brother and dad played FIFA football on the Xbox.

'It's just for this year, William. Just for Lawrence. I'm sorry. I didn't realise just how difficult it would prove to be. Yesterday was good though, wasn't it?'

'Do you mind if I go to my room to watch TV? I think Gran might have given me some of her germs.'

'That's a generous gift!' She joked as she hugged her elder son. 'Might sneak upstairs myself once I've washed the salad. I think I'm going down with the John-induced lurgy too!'

With William gone she checked her phone, hoping that she might have a message from Kate even though she knew that it was unlikely until much later in the day. She was thrilled to see an e mail notification and opened the app without delay.

'Oh, damn, it's not Kate. Scientificgem. Huh! Inflated ego, more like. Dot fr. Oh a French show-off. What the…' Reality hit. Gem equalled Meg. She stared at the screen, reluctant to click on the link to open the message. A cold sweat swept down her back and she shivered.

Caroline leant forward against the kitchen worktop, elbows supporting her weight. The shivers turned to shaking and she stared at the phone in her hand as if it was a venomous snake threatening to attack. Her imagination began to embellish the possibilities and, knowing that the longer it was left the harder it would be, she clicked on the message and read it quickly before she had a change of heart.

'Caroline,

Irene told me that you were trying to find me. To say that I was surprised would be an understatement. My immediate reaction was 'why' and that's still how I feel, to be quite honest. But we're in the season of goodwill and all that, which persuaded me to make contact, as requested.

I wonder how life has treated you. Irene tells me that you're married. Do you have family?

I don't live in the UK – my email address will tell you that I'm in France, but I've spent the last two months travelling the world. An experience of a lifetime that I would encourage you to do if you can.

I'm not promising to maintain an enthusiastic correspondence. I'm not one for that – with anyone, before you put two and two together, but your approach has piqued my curiosity so over to you.

Regards

Meg'

Caroline read it through several more times, analysing every word, as well as attempting to read between the lines. Meg posed more questions to Caroline's sensitive mind than had been specifically asked in the e mail. She was pleased to note that while the e mail wasn't welcoming, neither was there any explicit antagonism. Meg had thrown in vague references to their past but not enough to give anything away. Some of the e mail was formal, while other parts gave a hint of the Meg she had known; a mixed message. Of all the various possibilities that she had envisioned, indifference was not one of them and she felt a momentary, illogical hurt.

She put her phone away and decided to open another bottle of wine but within a few seconds she was back reading the message before forwarding it to Kate, hoping her opinion would help. Her reward came about half an hour later.

'Dear Caroline

We're out shopping but just stopped for a coffee – much needed, it's bloody freezing – and I noticed your e mail. You didn't comment so I wonder what you're thinking. Sounds relatively positive to me – she seems open to hear from you, which is what you wanted. Don't you agree?

I've bought the most wonderful pair of earrings, totally extravagant – they'll look wonderful with the necklace you gave me - but I'll have to stop eating for a month to pay for them! How's your day with John?

Speak later

Kate x'

Kate was right. Meg was open to hearing from her and that had been the hope. It wasn't likely, or wished for, that Meg would have written to declare that the flame of undying love was still burning. This was the first step and she should be grateful for that progress. She replied to Meg later that night after Skyping Kate.

'Dear Meg

Thank you for getting in touch. I had begun to think that you wouldn't but realise now that you would have been away on your trip when Irene contacted you. World tour – sounds wonderful.

Yes, I'm married (but separated) and have two teenage boys, William and Lawrence. Don't laugh – named after Shakespeare and D.H. Lawrence – their dad is a literary 'type'.

Your e mail posed questions, why you live in France and if you work, for example. You may not want to tell me, and I understand if that's the case.

I can hear you say 'that's enough small talk. Just tell me why you wanted to make contact.' But first I want to check if it would be okay to be honest and open when I do. I guess, what I'm saying is that I wouldn't want to embarrass you in any way.

With best wishes

Caroline'

Meg's reply came back the following day, defying her comments about not being an enthusiastic correspondent.

'Caroline

I guess what you are asking is whether anyone else will be able to read my e mails. I am in an honest and longstanding relationship and we'll be one of the first couples to tie the knot when France makes same sex marriage legal next year. Her name's Severine and she knows all my past so there's nothing you can write that will cause embarrassment or upset and she's aware that I've contacted you. I've nothing to hide.

Meg'

There was a terseness within this message that made Caroline smart. Rightly or wrongly she took the 'honest' comment as a barbed reference to the past. In her mind's eye she read an emphasis on the 'I've', as if Meg thought Caroline did have something to hide. The signing off was telling too. Meg. No regards, no best wishes. Just Meg.

'At least she didn't sign off as Margaret.' Caroline thought aloud.

'Dear Meg

I hadn't realised that France is ahead of UK on the same-sex marriage law. Severine is a French name so I guess that answers my query about why you live there. I hope you won't think it hypocritical of me to say that I hope you'll be very happy.

This might sound pitiful, and it is, but I've recently had cause to confront my past and, particularly, how I behaved towards you. I'll try to explain because one of the reasons why I wanted to contact you is that I'm ashamed I never did. Explain, that is. Not that the explanation covers me with glory or excuses my behaviour. I was a coward, Meg. I'm ashamed of that too.

When I came home that summer I was as happy and miserable as can be. Happy that I was in love with someone who loved me in return but miserable that we would be apart for so long. So, I told my mother. Her reaction was worse than I had imagined and I let that influence me. I didn't stand up for us at all, for what we meant to each other. I was more scared of her reaction than living without you. That's the truth. As I write these words it's as if I'm talking about a different person, a character I don't recognise. I recently found your letter and the photos you sent me. I hadn't been able to throw them away and that kick-started the search for you.

I'm not contacting you to ask for forgiveness. I'm not asking for anything from you. I just know that it's something I had to do – for myself and my self-respect. The truth of the matter is that I've been living a lie all this time. Hiding my real self from the world. I want to move on and I can't while the past continues to threaten my future. God! Don't I sound melodramatic? I know the answer to that – you don't need to tell me.

I do hope you've been happy, and will have a happy future, but I can see that might be thought of as a balm to my conscience. I guess it is but it's the truth, nevertheless.

With my best wishes

Caroline'

ooOoo

Days went by and Kate returned from her holiday and still Meg did not reply. Caroline was withdrawn. Others attributed her low mood to separation from John and the difficulties that the Christmas season had brought about but Kate knew otherwise. For Caroline there was the incessant inner voice nagging at her that she should have left the past where it was and ignored Kate's suggestion to contact Meg. So, there was a reserve between them that was not there before. Despite the possible repercussions Kate did not waver in her belief that it had been the only way forward, feeling that if their tentative relationship could not survive this hiccup, it was destined to fail anyway.

In mid-January Caroline heard from Meg again. She shut herself away in her bedroom, with a glass of wine, expecting the worse.

'Dear Caroline

I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to reply but I've been laid up – in hospital – with a return of a kidney problem. I'm well again now, they finally decided to remove the offender. It wasn't doing anything for me anyway. Not a great start to the new year but at least I'm here to tell the tale and I shouldn't have any further problems. Looking back, I wasn't well when I wrote to you just after Christmas which might explain SOME of the terseness of my e mail. The rest is because I felt that you were after forgiveness, and I wasn't sure at that time that I wanted to be used to salve your conscience. That will sound harsh, but unless you've changed beyond recognition I'm sure you'd prefer to hear it as it is.

I'm reading between the lines and wonder if you are in a relationship with another woman? Forgive me if I'm wrong but that seems to fit the clues that you gave. But no matter, if you are, I'm pleased for you. Yes, truly.

I am sorry that what happened between us all those years ago continues to play on your mind. I guess my reaction may have seemed extreme but there's another part to the tale that will explain MY behaviour. I'm not surprised to hear that you were swayed by your mother. I spoke to her, which I now realise you didn't know. If you remember, you had given me your home phone number. When I received your letter I knew, deep down, that you wouldn't have changed your mind. Even though I was beside myself with grief, I felt sure that your love wasn't something to evaporate just like that. So, yes, I phoned even though we had agreed we wouldn't ring each other. Your mother answered and I was bombarded, by threats, by accusations. She told me that you said you'd been duped into thinking you were a lesbian. You had come home and admitted it all to her, disgusted at your own behaviour, begging her for forgiveness. You name it, she accused me of it. By the time I hung up, she'd convinced me that I was the lowest of the low and, more importantly, that you thought so too.

You know what, Caz, I am hoping that you are in love with another woman. To me, that would seem to be justice for what happened then, for the love we had and had taken away. Who knows what would have happened between us. It would not be useful to contemplate that now but I know we did have the most perfect time together and I cannot regret that.

Just to complete my tale, you may remember that I worked for a French family in my gap year. I stayed with them again a few years after graduation and that's where I met Severine. She helps to runs her family's winery. We had a long-distance relationship for a couple of years but eventually we knew that one of us would have to budge if we were going to stay together and as I was more tempted by her lifestyle than she was with mine, it wasn't a difficult decision. I help with the grape analysis – putting my chemistry to some use – but I also teach English. We took two months off to do the world tour while we could – her parents will retire this year and we'll be more tied afterwards once we take full responsibility. I live a good and rewarding life with someone who adores me so stop feeling guilty, move on, and just maybe this will be your lot in life too.

Kind regards

Meg

P.S. If you are with another woman, I hope your mother has changed!'

It wasn't an impending virus or excess wine that made Caroline feel nauseous.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

'Morning Beverley. Is the boss about?'

'Oh, hi, Kate. Yes, Dr Elliot is in residence! I was just going to make her a cup of coffee. Would you like one?'

'Not for me, thanks. Just passing through.'

The P.A. watched as Kate knocked at the door and heard a quiet call for her to enter. Beverley had not been surprised when Caroline had confided in her that John had left the family home, knowing full well the stress and anguish that his frequent phone calls and visits had produced. Recently she had also noted, with satisfaction, the look of pleasure on Caroline's face after Kate's increasingly frequent visits to the office. She knew from her neighbour that the two women attended Pilates sessions together and she was delighted that Caroline had the support of someone so kind.

As Kate entered the office Caroline had her back to the door, organising papers on the desk.

'Better put it on the mantelpiece, Beverley. There's not a spare square inch of desk or table.'

'Sorry to disappoint, I've come empty handed.'

'Kate! I was expecting my mid-morning caffeine boost.' She turned, stood tall and crossed her arms over her ribs, her go-to defence position.

'It's on its way. I just called to see how you are.'

'Yes, sorry, Kate. Life's a bit manic. Gavin's idea of a reasonable time scale is anything but.'

'Anything I can do to help?'

'Thanks for the offer but if I don't do it myself I find I don't take the information in and then I run the risk of looking inefficient in front of the governors. Nearly there, hopefully.'

'That's good. I wondered, hoped, if you were up to Pilates tonight. You haven't been since before the Christmas break. But I guess the state of your desk is telling me the answer.'

Kate's disappointment was evident on her face and Caroline had to look away.

'Sorry, Kate. I thought I'd texted to tell you that I wouldn't make it.'

'Is everything alright, apart from Gavin's unrealistic expectations, that is?'

Caroline sat on the edge of the nearest available chair and looked towards Kate. She took her glasses off and twirled them around by one of the arms. She knew that she'd been distant since the last e mail from Meg, which she hadn't yet shared with Kate.

'Just processing things, Kate, that's all. Just processing.'

'The same offer, anything I can do to help?'

'Not here, Kate. Not now.' Her tone was distinctly formal and dismissive, but she appeared close to tears.

'Oh, Caroline. Don't bottle it up. You've done so well, come so far.'

Drawing her left hand through her fringe, Caroline turned towards the window and hoped that Kate wouldn't notice her wet eyes.

She pulled her shirt down to straighten it, her mind working overtime. 'Would it be ok if I came to your house later? If you don't mind missing Pilates.'

There was a knock at the door and Beverley entered with the promised coffee and another pile of letters.

'That's fine, Caroline. No problem. I won't disturb you any longer. I'm off to prepare for the choir rehearsal.'

Caroline donned her professional face once more.

'God, Beverley! I'll not be held responsible for my actions if you have more work for me. You can leave the coffee and take whatever else you've got in your hands and follow Kate through that door.'

Beverley smiled, placed the coffee on the sill and the papers in Caroline's hands.

'Don't worry, I'll fill out my own P45!' she smiled, as she left the room.

ooOoo

While the boys concentrated on their homework Caroline secreted herself in her bedroom and gave in to the tears which had been threatening for days. She paced, she sat, she paced some more. Like a recurring nightmare Meg's e mail reverberated around her brain and the postscript screeched the death of any hope for a happy future. She knew that her mother was no less prejudiced than she had been over twenty-five years ago. If anything, as she had aged Celia had become persuaded that she was fully entitled to voice and defend increasingly extreme opinions. That would be bad enough, but Caroline was concerned that she hadn't changed for the better either and still lacked the wherewithal to fight one specific battle against her mother. She also knew that she was not prepared to subject Kate, the woman with whom she was slowly but surely falling in love, to the malice that Meg had faced all those years ago. It seemed a hopeless venture and one that shouldn't be attempted. She intended to speak to Kate that evening to put an end to any false hope that their friendship would develop into something else. She could see no other way forward.

Once she was ready to leave she looked in on William and Lawrence who were playing a board game on the lounge floor.

'I'm going out for the evening. Gran's about if you need anything. Woe betide the pair of you if there's any hint of an argument while I'm out.'

'Where are you going, mum? Oh, of course, it's Pilates night. Don't strain your funny bone!' Lawrence joked while bending and stretching his arms towards the ceiling.

'Don't mess about, it's your turn.' William groaned. 'I'll be glad when Gran gets here with her laptop so I don't have to entertain an idiot!'

'One word from me, or so it seems.' Caroline muttered to herself as she picked up her car keys.

ooOoo

Since arriving home Kate had also spent time pacing and worrying. She had not been able to fathom Caroline's mood and had no idea if it really did relate to being overrun by work or if that was just an excuse. They had not spoken properly for several days and not about Meg for over a week and, as far as Kate was aware, Caroline was still waiting for a reply to her last e mail. Kate thought that it was time for them to have a further conversation about the future, feeling that Meg was unlikely to offer any form of closure. She showered and dressed to throw off the trappings of the day, choosing a casual yet flattering fitted shirt and tight black jeans.

As Kate welcomed Caroline into the cottage, the latter caught her breath, overwhelmed once more by a complete physical attraction. Her resolve of earlier that evening was gone in a flash and she knew that she could not give up the chance of a future with this stunningly pretty and thoughtful woman. She struggled to move her eyes from the dark-brown ones which seemed to twinkle despite the low light. She leaned forward as if to kiss Kate's cheek but deliberately changed direction at the last second, placing a fleeting, yet affectionate, peck on Kate's smiling lips.

'Hello, you.'

'Hello to you too! That's a nice greeting. I'll go another week hardly hearing from you if that's the effect it produces.' Kate teased.

'Have I been that bad? Don't answer. I know I have been.'

'Work?'

Caroline grabbed at Kate's hands with her own, knowing that this connection gave her confidence.

'No, not work. Well, not entirely. I've been distant, I know. I wasn't lying when I said that I've been processing things.'

'Come on, first take your wet coat off, you're soaked through. Do you want a drink of anything?'

Caroline shook her head as she removed her coat and scarf and Kate hung the clothes on the pegs by the front door before leading the way to the lounge, which was in darkness apart from a single scented candle burning in the hearth. Kate stopped abruptly as she turned to switch on the wall lights and collided with her guest.

'Oh, sorry. Here, let me turn the lights on.'

'Let's not. This is romantic.'

'Caroline!'

'It's time, Kate. It's time to plan for a future, not dwell in the past.' She put out her hand and drew her index finger across Kate's stomach.

Now it was Kate's turn to catch her breath.

'You know how to shock a girl. I was not expecting that.'

'Well, looking at you gives me more than a shock, Kate.' Despite her best intentions her eyes wandered to Kate's necklace and then lower to the hint of cleavage where shirt buttons started, and she blushed.

'Gracious. Where did that come from?' She followed the direction of Caroline's gaze as she spoke, causing her heart and body to ache for intimacy. 'Talk to me, Caroline.'

They settled side-by-side on the sofa and once again, Caroline sought sanctuary through Kate's hands. She described Meg's e mail; briefly summarising Meg's phone conversation with Celia, but giving full details of her health, life in France and best wishes for Caroline's future. She totally omitted one part, the post script, feeling that she had given enough information about Celia's bigotry without highlighting the suggestion that it might still be relevant.

Kate listened in silence, only passing comment once Caroline had finished her story.

'So, explain your thoughts now you've spent time processing.'

'A whirlwind of differing emotions, as I've focused on its individual parts. Grateful, challenged, relieved, angry. Yes, especially that.'

'It sounds as if you weren't the only one to be intimidated by your mother.'

'You're right, Kate. To be honest, I am not totally surprised. If she could vent her disgraceful opinions at me, in person, it's hardly surprising that she didn't hesitate to do the same to a stranger, a perceived threat, on the end of the phone. How lovely that Meg is gracious enough after all that happened to hope that I'll have a good and rewarding life with someone who adores me. That's how she put it. Also, did I tell you, she said it would be justice if I was now in a relationship with another woman?!' Caroline hoped that the diversion wasn't too obvious as she moved from her mother onto positive thoughts. 'That's why it's time, Kate. I want that life and I want it with you. I've waited over half my life to get to this point.'

Each woman felt sure that the other would hear her heart beating over the ticking of the clock and the rain drumming on the window.

'Meg's given you quite a wish list.'

'Well, we lead good and rewarding lives so that just leaves one other criteria to fulfil.' Her words were sown hesitantly, hoping that they would reap reassurance.

'Don't know about you but I've already ticked that box.'

Months of caged passion and tenderness overflowed as the distance between their bodies shortened, foreheads touching briefly before lips joined, open mouths and moist tongues desperate for contact. Low moans escaped as breathing became erratic. Soon lips moved from lips, sucking and licking at cheeks, ears and necks; each mouth fighting to cover ground while trying urgently to receive from the other. Fingers began exploring, tentatively at first and then rampantly, hunger building uncontrollably.

They were soon laying rather than sitting, pushing and grinding where they touched, eager to please while seeking pleasure. Hands now began to explore inside clothing, nipples hardened as thumbs and forefingers caressed the already swollen buds. Kate reluctantly moved her mouth from the nape of Caroline's neck.

'Here or in my bed?'

ooOoo

'Is Lawrence in the shower yet?' Celia asked her elder grandson.

'Yes, thank goodness. Then he'll phone dad and hopefully go straight to bed.'

'Are you going to speak to him?'

'Dad? No. I don't have anything to say to him that isn't rude. I can't keep pretending that everything is ok. Lawrence thinks that if we keep on at dad he'll eventually give up and ask mum if he can come home. If he won't come back without us nagging him that means his heart wouldn't be in it and he'll probably do it again sometime and I don't want to be responsible for that. Now that mum's started to smile I don't think I could bear to see her sad all over again.'

'You haven't got to make your decisions to protect your mum, William. She wouldn't want you to be distant from your dad for her sake.'

'I know, and I don't, not really.' The teenager smiled awkwardly. 'Can I ask you something, Gran?'

'Of course. I'm always here for you, William, you know that.'

'How do you know when it's love and not just, I don't know the word. Infatuation. Lust. Mum said that dad was her first boyfriend so how did she know that it was the real thing if she didn't have anything to compare with? If he was the one, how can mum be happy with someone else? I wouldn't want her to be on her own forever.' The boy-man struggled to hold back the tears.

'I can't speak for your mum apart from to say that hearts do mend. They're scarred but they learn to love again. It's a conundrum. We say we've found the one and then someone else comes along and we find that they're also the one. I'm not talking about a roving eye; that is just thrill seeking and a different thing altogether.'

'You've just described dad.'

'You know, William, I lost contact with my first love when I was younger than you. It broke my heart, but then your grandad came along and, although it wasn't identical, I knew that was love too. It just hits and there's very little you can do to stop it.'

William smiled.

'Gran! So, I might have had a different grandad!'

'Oh, I don't know about that! We never even went on a date so who knows what might or might not have happened. But, it's what I was trying to say about that connection with someone, especially in those days when we didn't do what they do now – try before you buy! Huh. Life is so different now but falling in love is as old as history. Except today, of course, we're told to accept without questioning that women can fall in love with women, men with men. They'll soon say it's possible to be in love with your Great Dane.'

William had known for some time that his Gran held many extreme views but he also knew it wasn't right to let her prejudices go unchallenged.

'Gran, you said yourself that love just hits and there's little you can do to stop it. Don't you think it would be awful to be prevented from being with the one you love just because someone didn't approve for whatever reason? I'm sure you'd have had something to say if others had said you were too young to fall in love.'

Celia was shocked at William's bravery, knowing she wasn't an easy person to challenge.

'That I would. Maybe they did. I'll never know.'

'You could always find him and ask!'

'Even if I could remember his address I doubt he still lives there.'

William was observant enough to see pain and hope in his Gran's face.

'Have you heard of Facebook, Gran?'

'That internet thing? Yes, I saw a story in the Mail about this person who lost his job because he phoned work to say that he was ill but then his boss saw on Facebook that he was in Ibiza! I thought that was funny. Served him right for lying!'

'I would have laughed too but you don't have to do stupid things with it. One thing you can use Facebook for is to find people you've lost contact with and for them to look for you.'

'Oh, I don't know, William. What will people think?'

'I know what I think, Gran. If you're not taking risks, you're not living.'

ooOoo

Meanwhile, a couple of miles across Harrogate, snuggled contentedly under Kate's duvet, the women explored each other's bodies without the frenzy of their first love making. They seemed to have seamlessly moved from friends to lovers, secure in the knowledge of mutual respect and affection.

'I can't stop smiling!' Caroline beamed.

'I can see. Please tell me you're not laughing at my technique!'

Caroline played her left index finger around Kate's mouth before running it down her chin and onto her cleavage. She stroked and rubbed, unable to stop touching her lover's silky skin and witnessing the results of her actions.

'Smiling because of your technique, Kate, not at it. There's a glorious difference. I'm the one who's at the top of the fumbler charts. You've got a most amazing body. Please don't ask me to stop touching. This is much better than an evening of Pilates. Sorry, am I rambling?! You've scrambled my brain while you've been….' The last words were whispered in Kate's ear and caused her to smile too.

'Pleased that I could oblige. If what you're doing is fumbling, I'll give you a fortnight to pack it up! I'm not going to let you go home.'

'Oh, God, Kate. I really don't want to go. What time is it?'

Kate turned to check her bedside clock.

'Just before half nine. How much time before you have to go?'

'Long enough but not long enough, if you get my drift.'

'Again?'

'Oh, yes, again.'

ooOoo

'Here, let me help you with your coat. It's dried out, thankfully.'

'My coat might have.'

Kate playfully smacked at Caroline's shoulder. 'You're impossible. I'd just started to recover and with one remark you've set me off again.' She opened her arms wide and the women hugged.

'See you tomorrow. Don't be late for assembly!'

'I wouldn't dare! Not only is my boss very demanding but I'm looking forward to drooling unobserved from the back of the hall.'

'Actually, we should talk about that, Kate. We need to keep this between ourselves, for now.' Apprehension tweaked at her brain.

'Of course. Let's just get to know how this works before we think about telling others.'

A goodnight kiss sealed the agreement but there was a spectre at the feast that neither wanted to mention to the other.


	18. Chapter 18

A/N. I've brought forward the change in the French law by a couple of months for the flow of the story and for those of you who have requested some more about Meg.

Chapter 18

Kate heard her phone ping as a text arrived. Slightly disorientated as she was just on the cusp of sleep, she rummaged around on the bedside cabinet with arm outstretched and managed to knock a book on the floor before locating the mobile.

'You awake? Please don't reply that you are now!'

Despite her tiredness she smiled as she read Caroline's message.

'No. Busy marking. Been otherwise occupied this evening and didn't get it done,' went the reply.

About twenty seconds later her phone rang.

'Oh Kate, I'm so sorry. I didn't think.'

'Caroline, I was joking! All books were marked and ready to disappoint a few pupils before you arrived this evening. You ok?'

'Yes. You?'

'Well, my bed's now cold and I feel lonely but I'm otherwise ok.'

'You tease. I distinctly saw you turn on your electric blanket just before I left your bedroom. I might just believe you about the lonely remark because that's exactly how I feel. Did I leave my right arm there?'

'No but sounds like it's a good job you're left-handed.' Kate had been buoyed by the upbeat tone of Caroline's voice, but she took the opportunity to make sure. 'You ok? No regrets?'

'None. I did wonder, if I'm honest. Well, actually, that's not true. One regret and that's about not being able to wake up holding you tomorrow morning.'

'Don't, Caroline. That's just torturing yourself. And me.'

'That's true. I would like that, though.' A sadness had crept into her tone.

'Then we should organise something. Getting away or spending a night here, maybe. Could you do that? Because of the boys, I mean?' Kate, deciding to instigate action and make the most of the suggestion.

'I could. Angus' parents are always offering to have him, and mum and William are as thick as thieves so they'll be ok. Leave it with me and I'll see what I can do. Oh, I meant to ask you if it's ok for me to send an e mail to Meg. I want to tell her about you, now there's something to tell. I know I said to keep it quiet, but I meant here in Harrogate; school and home. That ok?'

'Of course. Sounds only fair. I'd like to tell my mum too. She'll be thrilled.'

'Um, well, the same won't be true of MY mother.'

'She'll come round. Let's leave that worry for another day.'

'When can we meet again, Kate? The future seems more possible when I'm with you.' Although Caroline had no regrets about their relationship, as soon as she left Kate's house she began to question how she would ever pluck up the courage to come out of that proverbial closet and she suddenly felt close to tears.

'You just tell me and I'll be available. I know we'll have to work things around your commitments rather than mine.'

'Thank you, Kate. I could do Saturday afternoon, well most Saturdays at this time of the year really, as Lawrence has rugby and sees his dad afterwards.'

'That's great. It's a date. See you tomorrow, anyway. Would Beverley's antennae twitch too much if I stopped by for lunch?'

'Tied up all day after assembly, Kate. It's the Board of Governors' termly assessment and planning meeting from 10. The highlight of my life. It'll run right through lunch.'

'Better get some sleep, then. You'll need to be on your game, by the sounds of it.'

Caroline looked at the time on her phone.

'Do you realise that it's now one hours and forty-seven minutes since I last kissed you?'

'I do. I also realise that it's now that tomorrow that we've been talking about! Goodnight, Caroline. Sleep well.'

'Night, Kate. You too.'

ooOoo

The following day saw both women send their e mails and the content showed how far apart they were on one particular issue.

'Dear Meg

I thought it was about time that I replied to your last e mail. I can't tell you how much it meant to me – that you should do so as well as the content. I'm so pleased to hear about your life and to know that you're happy and will soon be able to marry. How lovely. I need to say how sorry I am that you had my mother's prejudice and spite to deal with. I had no idea, but I suppose I'm not really surprised. Even more reason for me to be grateful to you for making contact.

I think you guessed from the start that there was another woman in my life but there wasn't, well not properly, at that time. Kate (that's her!) felt that I wasn't ready to think about a future until I'd dealt with the past. She encouraged me to try to contact you as she felt that it would be a step in the right direction even if I never managed to find you. It started with her kindness and support when John left me (for another woman) and very quickly developed into both of us wishing to be more than friends. She's a French and music teacher at my school so that's a bit of a complication but not insurmountable. Bright, funny, gentle, considerate… yes, I know I sound like someone who's very smitten! Did I mention pretty?! But I'm nervous too, Meg, very nervous. My mother has NOT moved on, you won't be surprised to hear, and for now I daren't even consider telling her. That may well make me a forty-five-year-old coward, and I probably am, so we'll take it slowly to make sure we're strong enough for the fight.

Whatever our future holds, and it is early days yet, I am pleased to know that yours is full of good things (your wedding, taking over the vineyard) and I send my very best wishes to you and Severine.

Kind regards

Caroline x'

'Hi Mum

I hope you're ok. I know we'll speak tomorrow but I am just bursting to tell you that Caroline and I have taken the definitive step from friendship to relationship. I guess we'd been hovering on the brink for so long it won't be a surprise. It's got to be hush-hush for the time being. I'll give you the details when we chat but Caroline thinks that her mother might be a problem. I don't see it. It's a bit different from when she was a 19-year-old, tentatively trying to be open about her sexuality. Time and public opinion have moved on, so she can't possibly think the same or feel that she has the same influence now.

How lucky am I to have such a wonderful mum,

Kate x'

ooOoo

'Where are you off to, then? I'd hoped we'd go out window shopping or for a coffee?' Celia took up residence on a stool by the breakfast bar watching Caroline clear up after Saturday lunch. Lawrence had a morning rugby match, so it has just been the three of them.

'Just out with a friend, mum. I thought it was about time I started to build time for myself into my week. Call it a new year's resolution.'

'Well, it's hardly that is it? It will be February in eight days' time.'

'Oh, mum. Don't split hairs.' Caroline threw the cloth into the sink and perched on a stool opposite Celia.

'Well. We always go out on Saturdays when Lawrence is at rugby or with John. How else should I be?'

'How about being happy for me?'

'I love you, you know.'

'Yes, mum. I do know that. You're always telling me that I work too hard and should find time for myself. So, be happy that I've listened to your advice.'

'What about William?'

'He's fine. He's nearly seventeen and old enough to fend for himself. Lawrence is going to the cinema and for a pizza with John as per usual, so I'll make sure I'm home before he is. I'll not be far away if William needs me and I assume you'll be here.'

'Good job I am, I reckon.'

'I'm off, mum. Be sorry for yourself if you want but it won't change my plans.' She kissed her mum before leaving the kitchen, ignoring scowls that would sour milk.

'See you tomorrow.'

'You will.'

ooOoo

'Hello, William. What are you doing this afternoon?' Celia had tracked her elder grandson down to his bedroom.

'Just some course work to finish. Why?'

'You know your mum's gone out? I have been waiting to get you on your own. I've been thinking about what you said. I think I'd like to try this Facebook thing. It could be my new year's resolution.'

'Bit late for that, Gran. It'll soon be February.'

'Don't be pedantic, William. Call it added risk taking.'

'Alright. Give me half an hour and I'll come to the flat. I'll get you up and running in no time.'

'Good lad. Between you and me though. Ok?'

'No worries. My lips are sealed.'

ooOoo

Caroline felt her heart rate quicken as she climbed into the Jeep, feeling like a teenager on her first date. She drove a slightly circuitous route which enabled her to pick up the flowers she had ordered from her favourite shop the previous day.

Although laden with a large hand-tied arrangement of roses and freesias, which gave off the most amazing scent, she practically ran up the path to Kate's front door. She wasn't the only one to feel like an adolescent as a giggling, self-conscious Kate opened the door.

'For me?'

'Yes. For you. With my l…., um, my …..Oh dammit, Kate, with my love.'

Kate carefully edged past the flowers to grab her lover's face in her hands. She placed her open lips on Caroline's, whose mouth was ready to respond. Still on the doorstep, they kissed long and hard, the flowers partly crushed as their bodies strove for closeness.

'It's not worth missing you to receive such a hello, but it's partial recompense!' Caroline whispered as the kiss finally ended. 'Here, remind me of how you kiss again.'

Kate chuckled as she pulled on Caroline's scarf to lead her through the door. She placed the flowers on the nearby table before reconnecting to the moist, welcoming lips.

'Your kisses are almost too lovely. I haven't thought of anything else since Thursday evening. The meeting with the governors was purgatory. I struggled to concentrate and kept touching my mouth with my fingers, almost as if I could feel your lips still there. It's a wonder nobody commented.'

'Stop talking, Caroline.'

'Why's that?'

'Because I have no intention of wasting another minute of opportunity. I've every intention of recoupling with more than your lips!'

'Why don't you just get off the fence, Kate, and tell it like it is!'

Both women collapsed in a fit of giggles, enjoying the closeness as well as the anticipation of what was to come.

ooOoo

'Do you exercise, Kate? I mean, I know about Pilates, but do you do anything else?' Caroline was running her fingers across Kate's abdomen as she laid spooned behind her. They'd been in Kate's bed for the whole of the afternoon and were enjoying the intimacy that comes after the exploration and satisfaction of making love. The light through the window was beginning to fade as the January afternoon came to an end and they could hear the wind picking up, shaking the fence panels around Kate's garden.

'Skiing, golf, cycling. You name it, I do it but not on such an afternoon.'

'I thought so. Your abs are quite honed. Have you joined a local golf club? It's never appealed to me. John got it in his head once that he'd like to do it. He spent a fortune on clubs then gave up within a few months. I think he thought that it made him sound sophisticated! It would take more than a round of golf to achieve that, I can tell you.'

Caroline felt Kate's body shudder as she stifled her laughter.

'Are you kidding me? You are, aren't you?'

Kate rolled over while staying within Caroline's arms and snuggled into her breasts. With her left hand she began to stroke and kiss the soft mounds, totally ignoring the questioning look which remained on her lover's face. Caroline stilled the wandering fingers and took them to her mouth. She kissed and licked them before holding them tight within her hand.

'I don't know anything much about you, Kate. I'm not even sure now whether you're pulling my leg. For all I know you could be an expert high-jumper or kite-surfer.'

'Ask and I'll tell you. But, for the record, I'm neither of those things. I do ski, play golf and cycle, though. That's not a lie but there is a BUT. I do them all from the comfort of my lounge. Ever heard of Wii fitness?!'

The women rocked with laughter once again, so content and secure in each other's affection and arms that neither thought it awkward that Caroline should mention John while they were doing so. Kate knew that she was so much in love that she had gone past the point of no return and the only future she could now envision was that of them being together forever. For her part, Caroline dare not imagine such a scenario. She wanted it, she dreamed of it, but she could not yet go any further while the required conversations with the boys and her mother loomed over her like a guillotine waiting to drop. Being in Kate's presence had again emboldened her, however, and she knew she needed to formulate a strategy, better the secret was told before she let something slip or they found out by accident and not design.

ooOoo

Over the following weeks the women settled into a routine. 'Pilates' nights were a given for them to be together, although they rarely attended the class and when they did it was for the exercise only and not the trip to the pub afterwards. They always met up on one of the weekend days too, usually Saturdays, and that almost always resulted in them spending hours in Kate's bed although they _talked_ of walking or shopping. Caroline began to spend frequent school lunchtime or morning breaks outside so that she could be with Kate on the odd occasion when she was on duty without it being obvious that she was singling her out. Caroline began to enjoy this diversion for its own merits, as she learned more about her teachers and their interactions with the pupils while she was doing so. The staff realised, with relief, that she was not someone to avoid and they began to appreciate the opportunity it gave them to spend time with her. The lovers always ended each day with a phone call, which was often very long. When the boys had other plans Caroline stopped by Kate's house on her way home from school and at least one night a week she made some excuse to go out for an hour.

As February hurried towards its end Kate was becoming frustrated, however. While she did not doubt Caroline's commitment to her, there had been no further mention of spending a night together or being open about their relationship and she decided that the next time they met she would suggest it was time to take that next step. A late-night phone call gave her a surprise and some relief to her frustration on that issue.

'Hi Kate. Boys are otherwise occupied so I've sneaked to my room to phone you earlier than usual.'

'You've caught me in the bath. It's a shame you didn't pop round for half an hour. I could do with help to scrub my back.'

'Well, it's no good telling me that now. You should have dropped a hint earlier in the day and I would have popped in to see you for half an hour.' Caroline smiled at the thought.

'Sorry, I must be mistaken about who's calling. I thought I was talking to Caroline Elliot, who I know couldn't confine herself to scrubbing my back and would need more than half an hour to do so!'

'Oh, you know that do you? I don't know what has given you that idea! I'm sure I can control myself if I try really hard.'

'Says the woman who has to be prised out of my bed on a very regular basis.'

'Ok. You may have a point. But, that's because time's always in short supply. Maybe I would be better if we had a few days and nights together so how do you fancy a trip away, Friday to Sunday, the third weekend of March?'

'How do I fancy it? Do you really need to ask? How can you, is more to the point?'

'There's a catch. We'll have to be sociable for some of the time. We've had an e mail invitation to Meg and Severine's wedding.'

'Wow. WE have? That's a shock but I'd love to. What about William and Lawrence?'

'Oh, I don't know. I'll sort something out. I've been presumptuous and checked the flights already; we would have to go from Manchester on the Friday evening. Shall I book? Meg has sent me details of local hotels.'

'Are you sure you don't want to go on your own?'

'I definitely don't want to go without you. Won't it be good to have the opportunity to be open about our relationship? I don't know about you, but I've had enough of keeping things a secret. Let's call this a dress rehearsal.'


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Caroline spoke to her boys the following morning and Lawrence soon made his own arrangements with his dad and Angus' parents. John promised to book a Travelodge for the Friday night as a treat and drop him at Angus' house around midday on the Saturday, where he would spend the rest of the weekend. William had asked to stay home.

'And it's France? Just for the weekend?'

'Yes, mum. For the umpteenth time, I'll fly Friday evening and be home by late afternoon on the Sunday when I'll pick Lawrence up from his friend's house. Can I leave William here or not? That's all I need to know.' Celia had turned a simple conversation and request into something quite tedious and Caroline was becoming exasperated with her mother, which risked alienating her.

'I suppose that's ok. I'm not getting any younger you know.' Celia's tone and words made it obvious that she resented Caroline's plans.

'Neither is William and he doesn't need anything apart from knowing you're about. It would put my mind at rest knowing that you'll have each other for support. While William prefers not to spend time with his dad, John IS available for any emergencies.'

'And you say you're going to a wedding. It's a shame they didn't invite all of us. Who did you say was getting married?'

'I didn't. It's someone called Meg from my Oxford days.' Caroline deliberately dropped Meg's name into the conversation, to gauge if there was any hint of recognition from her mother.

'It's a shame she can't marry in Oxford then. Quite thoughtless, expecting people to travel all that way.' There was no change to her facial expression which was resolutely fixed in the extensive 'mardy' section of her repertoire.

'Oh mum. She's lives there now and is marrying someone who is French.'

'What, aren't there enough Englishmen about? Your dad couldn't stand the French.'

'Just as well he's not here to be invited then.' Caroline was feeling drained and although she was tempted to put Celia right about Meg's partner, she decided to leave that conversation for another day rather than ignite further antagonism.

'Alright. I guess we'll manage. You're always galivanting these days. I can't think of the last time that we went out together on a Saturday.'

Caroline felt a sudden pang of guilt as her mother's accusation hit home. She was spending so much time with Kate that it was bound to have an impact. While she made sure not to short-change the boys she had not considered protecting the time she spent with her mum, but still expected her to jump into help with William and Lawrence.

'You're right, mum. We haven't. I'll make sure we do so the Saturday after we get back from France.'

'I'll look forward to it although it comes to something when you have to make an appointment to spend time with your own daughter. Oh, you said "we".'

'Did I? Well, I'm waiting to see who else has been invited so I guess that was on my mind.'

The conversation moved on to the fact that window cleaner had let them down for the second month in a row and Caroline was happy to have this diversion, hoping to thwart Celia's legendary observational skills. For her part, Celia had not been deceived, knowing full well that she had not been given the whole truth of the matter. She determined to put the information away for analysis when she was alone, not for the first time wondering exactly where and with whom her daughter was spending so much time.

ooOoo

'Help me choose something to wear for the wedding,' Kate asked as Caroline arrived for a short visit one evening, four days before the big day. 'French women are so elegant without trying.'

'Don't beat yourself up about it, Kate. My plan is to wear something that will fit into the cabin bag but won't crease. I'm sure we'll give those mademoiselles a run for their money.'

'You could wear a potato sack and do that. Come upstairs and help me go through my wardrobe. I'll have to go shopping tomorrow if there isn't anything suitable or I'll be the one in a sack.'

Kate's concerns were soon put to rest and after seeing her try on several outfits Caroline steered her towards a close-fitting navy-blue dress, with a low neckline, teamed up with a cream pashmina and flat court shoes.

'You're beautiful, Kate. Stunning. The only downside is that I won't be able to keep my eyes off your cleavage.'

'I'm worried that I'll let you down and… yes, um, that.'

'And? Come on, what's up? Are you having a change of mind about going?'

Kate busied herself putting the dress back on its hanger before turning to face Caroline.

'I'm just having some nerves about meeting Meg. It's ridiculous but although I've given myself a good talking to, I'm stuck with this irrational fear that …... that….'

'That I'll compare you with Meg and you'll be found wanting. Come here.' Caroline sat on the edge of the bed and opened her arms to envelop a now tearful Kate.

'You loved her. I know you'll say that was years ago. I told you I was being irrational. I keep thinking that if it wasn't for your mum's intervention you'd still be with Meg and it would be you she was planning to marry,' she snivelled.

'Yes, I did love her, Kate, but you're right, it was years ago and, more importantly, it doesn't compare with being in love with you.' Her speech was clear and concise, leaving no doubt in Kate's mind what she had heard.

The tears stopped, and silence reigned. While Kate knew that theirs was not a casual fling, and that they cared deeply for each other, this was a totally unexpected and momentous declaration. Brown eyes sought blue, looking for any sign of regret and instead finding confirmation.

'What?' Caroline asked, seemingly bewildered.

'What you said. I'm just shocked.'

'Oh, is it too soon? I didn't want to scare you off, but it seemed that it needed to be said. Well, I thought you knew anyway.'

Kate's tears started up again and she exhaled deeply.

'I didn't know, not really. Just hoped, I guess, that you did because there's nothing better than to know the person you're in love with feels the same.'

ooOoo

William's phone vibrated, indicating an incoming text. He was in the middle of an English class and couldn't look immediately but assumed that it was from his Gran. A quick check at the end of the lesson confirmed his suspicion.

'William, please come to my flat this evening. I'm sure that you will be able to find an excuse if your mum is at home. This must remain a secret, William; do not forget. Love, Gran.'

He smiled broadly as he read. She had made progress, but she still signed off texts as if she was writing a letter, shunned abbreviations and insisted on correct punctuation. When their laptop lessons were finished he vowed to work on her phone technique.

'Hi Gran. I'm reporting for duty, as requested. What's the panic?' he called out when he called on her that evening.

'Are you on your own?' Celia asked as she walked through from her kitchen, looking around her lounge as if checking that there wasn't anyone hiding anywhere.

Stifling a giggle, he nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

'Right, pull up a chair next to mine. I've something to show you.'

He watched as his grandmother turned on her laptop and navigated around until she found what she was looking for.

'It's called a friend's request, Gran. You can decide if you want to accept or not. Do you know who it is?'

'Yes, I went to school with her. We didn't keep in touch when I moved to Sheffield so I don't know why she'd want to be my friend now, but it might be interesting to see how she's spent the last sixty years.'

'Accept her then. I'll watch while you do it. Did you search to see if Alan has a Facebook account? You said you were going to when I was here at the weekend. I thought that might be why you wanted my help.'

'No. I didn't in the end.'

'Why did you change your mind?'

His Gran busied herself with accepting Doreen's friend request while studiously ignored his question.

'Gran?' He felt sure he saw a hint of a blush on her cheeks. 'You did, didn't you?'

She nodded, and the rosy hue deepened.

'I found him, William. I'm sure there can't be two Alan Buttershaws from Elland. It's not as if he's called John Smith.'

'Shame he's not, Gran. He might be related to the John Smith brewery and be worth a fortune! So?'

'I'll show you.' She slowly found what she was searching for and sat back in her seat, looking pensive. 'That's him. I'm sure.'

'I haven't spent all my time showing you how to use your computer and to set you up on Facebook for you to be satisfied with looking at a picture. I'm going home now. I'll leave you to decide whether to pluck up the courage to make contact or spend even more years wondering. Your choice.' He kissed the top of her head. 'Night, Gran. Remember what you said about added risk taking.' He sauntered back home with his hands in his pockets and a grin on his face.

ooOoo

Caroline and Kate looked at the depressing news on the screen in front of them. Their flight was showing up as having an unspecified delay and there was nothing they could do but wait. They had already had a meal and wine after checking in.

'Do you want a coffee now we've got all this time?' Kate asked.

'No, not for me, Kate. You?'

'Nothing, thanks.'

Finding two seats together in front of a departure board, they settled down for however long it would take. Fortunately they only had a short journey to an airport hotel when they arrived at Tours. They were meeting up with other guests the following morning to share a mini-bus for the last leg of the journey. The time ticked by but eventually at least there was clarification, about an hour to wait. It had been a long day and a busy week and after a while Kate's head began to drop. Nestling onto Caroline's shoulder she reached across to squeeze her hand.

'Wake me if I snore or if the flight gets called,' she joked.

'Actually, Kate, I think I will get another drink. Do you want to wait here with the bags? I won't be long.' She picked up her handbag and threaded her way through the crowds, leaving Kate somewhat bewildered.

Kate was just becoming slightly concerned at the length of time Caroline had been away when she returned to her seat with a Costa coffee and a bottle of water.

'Anything changed?' she questioned while looking towards the board. 'Oh, that's good, they've brought it forward a little. Not long now.'

'Caroline, are you ok? You seem a little, I don't know, agitated.'

'Not a fan of flying, Kate, to be honest. The wait isn't doing me any favours.'

'I didn't realise. I'm not a fan either but I've had to get used to it, with my mum being in America, but I agree, the wait doesn't help.'

Their flight was called soon afterwards. Kate couldn't help but notice that Caroline left her untouched coffee cup underneath the seats when they made their way to the departure gate. The rest of the journey passed without incident and within forty-five minutes of landing they were at the hotel reception desk. Although Caroline had made the arrangements it was agreed that Kate would use her vastly superior French to book them in. Caroline's understanding was limited to the odd word and she was surprised at the length of the conversation and what, at first, seemed to be a disagreement between Kate and the receptionist. But the difficulties soon seemed to be resolved as they shared a joke and the key was handed over in good humour. It wasn't until they were in the lift on the way to their fourth-floor room that Kate explained what had happened.

'They had the booking wrong. We'd been allocated a twin-bedded room and they insisted that's what was booked but I persuaded them that they were wrong. Anyway, we've now been given a double. I told the receptionist that we didn't want to squeeze into a single bed, however much fun that might have been!'


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

'Thanks, Popsicle; I've never been to late night cinema before. Mum's so miserable and boring she wouldn't let me.'

'We haven't got to check out until half past eleven, so you can sleep in. But I won't take you again if you're going to be so critical of your mum, Lawrence. She just wants to protect you, wants the best for you.' He put a protective arm around his son's shoulder. 'Right, where did we park the car?'

As they walked across the car park John retrieved his phone from his jacket pocket and turned it on. Within seconds it beeped several times to indicate texts arriving.

'Why don't you come home, dad? You never let me say a bad word about mum, so you can't say that you don't care for her.' Lawrence commented, not for the first time.

John was too preoccupied reading his texts to reply. Had Lawrence been more mature he might have recognised a man in turmoil, but his head was still full of superheroes and villains. He left his dad to his phone while he posted a boast on Facebook about the lateness of the hour and the brilliance of Batman.

ooOoo

Caroline was the first to wake and realised with pleasure that she was still curled around Kate. Waking up next to her felt as good as she had hoped it would. They had both been too tired for anything but a prolonged goodnight kiss but their naked bodies happily snuggled into one another as they fell asleep together for the first time. Now refreshed through sleep and aroused by the feel of Kate's body so close to hers, Caroline resisted the temptation to move and caress, using the time to imagine the contours of her lover and how she would explore them. Within seconds she felt her clitoris start to swell and moisture flow. Never had she experienced such automatic physical responses and she knew without doubt that she didn't want it any other way. Her patience was rewarded as Kate woke and, sensing she wasn't the first to stir, she moved her left hand to grasp Caroline's silky-smooth thigh.

'Morning. Bliss feeling you wrapped around me,' she muttered before rolling over to plant a kiss on Caroline's shoulder blade, the nearest point of contact. She nestled in closer and began caressing with intent.

'You don't do nonchalance!' Caroline joked but moments later her response changed as fingers found her wetness. 'Oh, Kate, oh, that's lovely. Oh, shit.' Lips and a tongue silenced the formation of words but moans found their way through as Kate continued her pursuit of giving and receiving pleasure.

It wasn't refined or gentle but rather a glorious joining of passion, love and longing and as repositioning enabled their labia to meet and fingers to stroke, their juices combined and they climaxed forcefully one after the other. Amazed and content, Caroline moved up the bed to cling desperately to Kate, feeling that her very life depended on continued contact. They kissed softly and reverently, in total contrast to the recent forceful coupling.

'Hopefully that will help me keep my hands off you for the rest of the day. I guess we'll have to face the public soon.'

'We will, Kate, and a shower is essential first, thanks to your interference!' Caroline had been stunned by the closeness and trust they had just shared and found herself using banter to cover her emotions.

'Yes, thank goodness for a double bed. I wouldn't have missed that half an hour for anything! Still, better make a start with getting ready for this wedding. You want to go first?'

While Caroline showered, Kate checked her phone, hoping that she had received an e mail from her mum. Disappointed at finding an empty inbox, her mind refocused on aspects of the previous day and, particularly, the hotel booking which had been bugging her since check-in. While Kate had stood her ground by insisting that a double had been booked, the receptionist had been equally convinced that it hadn't and, showing her their computer system, concluded that the language difference had been responsible. Certain that Caroline had booked online, she found the hotel's website and it was immediately obvious that the graphics did away with the need to have a good grasp of French to distinguish a twin from a double. 'Odd,' she mused, 'very odd.'

ooOoo

'So, we've an hour before the mini-bus picks us up, is that right?' Kate questioned as they tucked into breakfast in a relatively full dining room.

'That's right. Meg suggested this hotel to everyone so it's quite likely that some of those here are also wedding guests.' She looked around as if to see if she could recognise anyone while knowing that it was unlikely. 'We're to meet outside at half-past nine. It's just under an hour's drive to the town where they're getting married and we'll have plenty of time to check-in to the hotel and change before the wedding ceremony at noon. Meg says that the venue for the ceremony is just across the road from the hotel and then it's back there for a meal. I assumed they'd marry at the vineyard but it seems they can't.'

'No, the French are quite strict about such things. It's a civil and not a religious ceremony so some go to a Church afterwards for a blessing, but it sounds as if Meg and Severine aren't going to. Monsieur le Maire conducts the service and it's held at the Mairie. That's the town hall to you and me. All very formal. I understand that the gay wedding law was not that well received so it wouldn't surprise me if things were even more joyless! But, they're ahead of Britain so I guess they're lucky in that respect.'

They chatted through breakfast, commenting on their surroundings and the other diners, content in the here and now while looking forward to the day ahead. Caroline had never been to a wedding outside of the UK which she said added to her excitement, although she did admit to having some apprehension about seeing Meg again. Bags packed in good time they were happy to wait for the bus in the warm almost-like-spring sunshine.

ooOoo

A rather dapper gentleman sat at a desk that Saturday morning, staring out of the window across an unremarkable Yorkshire farmyard. In the distance through the remnants of early morning mist he could just make out his daughter, grandson and a dog, shepherding sheep and their new-born lambs from one field to another. Regretting that he was no longer healthy enough to help and knowing that it would be some time before the workers returned to the house, he turned his attention to the ageing computer. On the cold, short days of winter when he couldn't get his car down the lane because of ice or snow, this had become a lifeline enabling another form of contact with the outside world. His grandson, known in the family as Raff, had recently shown him how to use Facebook and he was enjoying the link to his brother, Ted, and his family in New Zealand.

Alan turned on the computer and waited for it to load. A few times he had considered buying a new one but the farm's poor internet connection would have limited any benefit and his money stayed in the bank. He went straight to Facebook, keen to see if there was anything new from Ted but his attention was drawn to a friend's request. Yes, it was. He couldn't believe his eyes. Sixty years disappeared in an instant and his heart quickened, as it had done all those years ago, when he had pretended to be out shopping for his mother so that their paths would cross. The girl he had never forgotten, Celia Armitage; beautiful, funny and charming.

His morning was suddenly brighter and he was glad that Gillian and Raff were out tending sheep, giving him time to reminisce.

ooOoo

'For God's sake, I told you where I was going for the night.' John slumped down onto a chair, exhausted by the constant need to explain his whereabouts. 'Oh, for fuck's sake, Judith. What have I sat in?' He stood and checked the seat of his trousers, relieved to find that it was coffee from an abandoned mug and nothing more repellent. 'You know why I can't bring the boys here.'

'I bet you were with her. The lovely Caroline.' Her words were slurred, but whether from the lingering effect from a binge the previous night or from having started drinking before he arrived, he wasn't sure. Having lived with her for six months he knew that either was likely. 'I texted you. You didn't reply. Why not if you were with whatever his name is. What is his name? What are you hiding, John?'

'I shouldn't have to explain myself time after time, but I will once more. Listen very carefully for the very last time, Judith. Caroline is in France. Lawrence and I stayed in the Travelodge and as a treat I took him to a special showing of the Batman film. So, surprise, surprise, I had to turn my phone off while we were in the cinema. I did text you back about one o'clock this morning but I'm assuming you were blotto by then. Check your phone if you want proof. The end.'

'What are you trying to say, John. I might have had a drink. Nothing illegal about that. I'm over eighteen. You're just as bad.'

John acknowledged the truth of some of her words, but to himself, not his accuser. He knew too that he felt more alert than he had for some considerable time, the benefit of not having consumed alcohol for over twenty-four hours.

'That I'm not. And you know it. You're beyond a joke, Judith and I'm pissed off. No pun intended.' He picked up the mug and began to mop his trousers and the chair with a tissue.

Judith crossed the room and towered over him. She slapped the mug out of his hands and as he lifted his face towards her in surprise, she followed up with a thump to his left temple, knocking him sideways. She stormed out of the room and slammed the bedroom door. His mind was clear, despite the surprise and the pain of the blow. The excitement wasn't worth the cost. He needed to get out of the disaster zone and back to where he belonged.

ooOoo

The minibus pulled up at their destination and all onboard were astounded at the beauty of the building, in stark contrast to the industrial-looking airport hotel they had just left. The online photos had not done it justice. This truly was a magnificent structure and there was a scramble to be the first off the bus and into the building. Once on the pavement Caroline hung back, absorbing the magic of the moment, while the others rushed ahead.

'No hurry because we can't all check in at the same time but if the outside is anything to go by think we're in for a treat.'

'You've got more willpower than I have. Come on!' Kate prompted.

'I need to talk to you, Kate, before we go in.' She walked a few steps backwards to put distance between them. 'I don't know if you've suspected already but I'm sure you will once we start to book in. It wasn't a mistake at the last hotel. I booked a twin, not a double and I've done the same here. I got cold feet when it came down to making the booking. God knows why. Having the chance to spend two nights with you was a dream but I just couldn't bring myself to make it happen. I'm so sorry.'

Kate was stunned and disappointed but not surprised. Caroline's reaction at the airport when she put her head on her shoulder came to mind immediately. She hadn't suddenly wanted a drink, she wanted to avoid giving out any sign that said they were a couple; the same with the hotel rooms.

'Why didn't you say?' Kate felt that the bottom had dropped out of her world. She had understood that she wasn't ready to tell the boys and her mother, but total strangers?

'I was going to but then I couldn't. I didn't want you to be disappointed in me. I knew I was being a coward and this was meant to be a dress rehearsal for going public, but I panicked.'

'Yes, big time.' Kate walked around, considering her response, but Caroline looked so dejected that she knew she was equally disappointed and her heart went out to her. 'I would have understood, Caroline. I would. We're not going to get very far if we can't talk to each other. That's probably more relevant than you booking twin rooms.'

'I know. I kept meaning to talk to you about it and then I thought if I rebooked you'd never know but every time I went to do it, I froze.'

'If nothing else I would have thought that you would be able to talk to me. I thought that was one of the things that we were good at. Obviously, I'm wrong.'

At that moment a taxi pulled up and anxious not to share their disagreement with others, especially if they were fellow wedding guests, Kate moved forward so that the passengers would walk behind her rather than between her and Caroline. As they waited in awkward silence for some privacy the colour suddenly drained from Caroline's face, she became unsteady on her feet and Kate rushed forward, concerned that she was going to pass out. Kate was just in time to stop her falling and called out for help as she supported her weight.

An extremely pretty, young woman ran to assist and shouted, in French, for someone to fetch a chair. Within a short while Caroline was seated and safe, and the colour began to return to her cheeks.

'You're Caroline!' the young woman declared from a crouched position in front of the chair. 'I'd recognise you anywhere. Thank goodness you're starting to look better.' Her English was faultless but carried a hint of an accent. 'So, that means you must be Kate,' she concluded as she lifted her head and smiled.

Caroline and Kate's bemused looks prompted her to clarify without being asked.

'I'm a Caroline too, although everyone calls me Caz. Meg's daughter. What a way to be introduced!'

'I'd know your lineage anywhere,' said a still shaky Caroline. 'I could be looking at your mum.'

ooOoo

'What a clown. I'm sorry, Kate. This weekend isn't proving to be what I'd hoped.'

'Don't be silly. Are you sure you're ok now?'

They had settled into the hotel, in a double room after a hotel clerk had been kind enough to adjust their booking. It was a relatively easy swop with a single traveller, unconnected to the wedding, who had not specified type of room. Caroline clung to Kate's hand throughout the discussion at the reception desk, partly through a lingering feeling of light-headedness but also through determination to show to Kate that she could acknowledge their relationship.

'Yes, I'm fine. I don't deserve your understanding after being such a failure. And, as for fainting. Goodness, what an idiot but thank goodness you were so alert.'

'You know what teaching's like, Caroline. Working with teenagers makes you ultra-alert and one step ahead of problems. I can see why you were so shocked. As she approached to help, even I thought that I recognised her but everything was happening at once and my brain didn't compute her likeness quickly enough. She is SO like her mum on those photos. It's uncanny. But don't you think it strange that Meg didn't tell you she had a daughter?'

'I can see why she didn't initially and then maybe when she sent the wedding invitation she forgot that she hadn't. Maybe she thought it might sound very odd to blurt out that she had a daughter and "oh by the way I called her Caroline!" Mind you, fancy doing that after all the hurt I caused. She's obviously a real fan of the name because there's no way she called her after me! There's another shock, Meg and my mother having something they'd agree on.'

Caroline was sitting on the bed with a cup of coffee and a cinnamon biscuit, Kate perched close by watching anxiously. While she sounded cheerful, Kate continued to feel concerned.

'This was a wake-up call, Kate. It's really taught me a lesson. Not the Caz thing; I don't mean that.'

'I know what you're talking about but I wouldn't want you to make a decision to tell anyone before you're ready.'

'I've had twenty-five years and I think that if I wait until I'm ready, I, no we, will wait for another quarter of a century. Bugger my mother. If she doesn't like it, that's tough. But I need to sort it with William and Lawrence in the right way after all they've been through with their dad's behaviour. Next weekend when I've got plenty of time with them rather than a quick conversation in an evening.'

There was something in her voice and demeanour that Kate recognised. This was the efficient and determined head who got the job done and took no prisoners in the process and she felt some sympathy for Caroline's mother.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

It didn't take Kate and Caroline long to dress for the wedding and feeling the warmth of the sun through the window of their room they decided to make the most of it by exploring outside before the ceremony. On their way to the garden they peeked into the room being prepared for the reception and judged that there were placements for about forty guests, making them feel very honoured to have been included in the numbers. Their presence seemed to go unnoticed by the hotel staff who were energetically putting finishing touches to the flowers and table decorations. Once outside they were struck by how manicured everything was, despite it being so early in the year.

'I guess there must be a difference of at least a couple of weeks in the growing season between here and Harrogate. Oh Kate, isn't it good to be outside without needing a coat? This is an unexpected bonus.' Caroline turned her face to the sun as they stopped to sit on a rustic bench in the shelter of some hedging. Ordinarily she had to be careful as her skin burnt easily but a short exposure to the March sunshine wasn't going to cause any difficulty.

'It's making me want to go home and make a start on my garden!' Kate replied. 'There's hardly a blade of grass out of place here and I don't know how that can be.'

'Imagine the gardeners looking in on one of your lessons to see twenty-five or so well-behaved teenagers. No doubt they'd wonder how you do what you do. Come to that, between you and me, some of your colleagues are likely to be equally bewildered!'

'True! Thanks for the encouragement.' She moved closer to Caroline and they shared a chaste kiss.

Caroline was amazed at her own boldness and smiled as she squeezed Kate's hand. She'd begun to realise that it would be worth having some difficult conversations to avoid hiding in the future. Kate's understanding of her reticence was welcome, but she wondered how long that would be the case. Being invited to see two women become legally married had given her a vision of an attainable future, if only she was brave enough to try.

'That's nice to see. I'm pleased there's some romance in the air for my wedding!'

They turned to see the approach of an attractive, elegant woman with dark chestnut hair, which was topped by a fascinator to match her knee-length ivory lace dress. She swept Caroline in a hug before kissing her on both cheeks.

Meg kept one arm around Caroline's shoulders and leant over to give Kate the customary French greeting. 'I'm assuming you're Kate! I'm so pleased you could come.'

The width of her smile indicated that she really was pleased to see them. She explained that she had watched them go into the garden from her bedroom and determined to speak to them before the ceremony to satisfy herself that Caroline was fully recovered. Meg checked that the bench was clean before sitting next to her friend and was instantly intent on including Kate in the conversation.

'I really can't stop as we need to have a last-minute chat with the caterers, but as is my lot in life I won't be speaking much of my mother tongue today so a few minutes with you two is very welcome.'

'We met some English folk on the bus, of course. Are they the total from UK?' Caroline queried, hoping to find out if Meg's parents were there, without asking directly.

'Let me think who else is here that you might not have met yet. My cousin, Gail, and her husband. Two friends from my time at Unilever with their partners. They all came a couple of days ago. Oh, plus my mum and dad. Can't forget them.' She counted them off on her fingers as she spoke, showing off expertly applied nail polish.

'Does your daughter live here too? By the way, I was grateful for her help with this lightweight.' Kate joked, deliberately setting out to redirect the conversation back to Caz, however briefly. She sensed that Caroline was reluctant to do so, despite knowing that she was intrigued by her existence. Indeed, they both were.

'Well, it was only right that she should help as she told me that she was the cause of the shock in the first place! I'm so sorry that I forgot to say about her. Forewarn you, I suppose.' She looked directly at Caroline despite replying to Kate, although not answering the question.

'It was a shock and no mistake. It was if the clock was turned back a quarter of a century. She is SO like you were, way back when.'

'I wish! I think she's far prettier than I ever was but it's a mother's privilege to think that.' She paused, and Kate was just beginning to think she was after a compliment when she continued. 'I'm guessing you're wondering how she came about.'

'Am I that transparent?!' Caroline joked.

'I'm thinking that you won't have forgotten that I was always very anti-babies and children which would make anyone inquisitive. The thing is that it didn't take me long to realise I was putting on a front to cover for the fact that I thought I would never have any. It's funny how things work out. I came to France after she was born to introduce her to the family I'd worked for in my gap year and that's when I met Severine. My first and last relationships came about during trips here, so I guess I must have a weakness for French women! The fact is if I hadn't had a baby we may never have met. I always say that she won Severine's heart for me!'

'The second surprise was finding out that you called her Caroline.' Now that the subject had been raised Caroline herself had the courage to ask questions.

'Um. No long story there. When I found out I was pregnant I wanted a name that had some significance to me AND that I liked. Call that a weird choice, which is may have been, but I hadn't stayed hurt and why not? It wasn't that I was still heart-broken and needed a memorial. God, that would have been too hard a burden to give to a child! In many ways it was part of the healing to be able to say the name without any negative emotions. Plus, it suited her somehow. Not that she was called Caroline for long. Severine's parents struggled with the pronunciation, so when we moved here she became Caz.'

'Dare I ask about her father?' Kate again asking the question that she knew would be on Caroline's mind.

'Now, that is a slightly longer story and I definitely don't have time now. I'm sure I'll have time to tell you later. I'd better be off before Severine thinks I've got cold feet.'

Before they knew it, she was gone. Kate's brain was quick to pounce on what seemed to be inconsistencies in Meg's story, but she did not want to upset Caroline so decided to keep her own counsel. But she didn't need to be cautious as she wasn't the only one questioning the truth of Meg's explanation.

'Methinks the lady does protest too much, Kate.'

ooOoo

The ceremony was uninspiring, and it was a relief to be back at the hotel afterwards where Severine and Meg's personalities could be seen in the informality of the occasion. Although the dining room had been set immaculately, it proved to be a friendly, light-hearted celebration. Kate and Caroline sat with Meg's English friends and their partners which was a relief to Caroline, who had not spoken French since taking her 'O' level exams. Severine and Meg both gave speeches in a strange mix of French and English, partly translating their own words. It was patently obvious to all the guests that this was, indeed, a love between two women who could hardly believe their good fortune at being able to marry after so many years together. The food was excellently presented, with a taste to match, accompanied by wine from the newly married couple's vineyard.

With the tables being cleared and rearranged Kate and Caroline decided, with the others, to explore the gardens as the day had stayed dry and bright. They were the last to leave the table and were pleasantly surprised to see Meg and Severine heading towards them.

'Oh good, it looks as if we've just caught you before you stretch your legs. Caroline, Kate, I'd really like you to meet my wife! Goodness, it's so good to be able to say that!'

'It's lovely to be able to hear it!' Caroline smiled. 'Severine, it is so good to meet you. Congratulations. Thank you so much for inviting us to your wedding. It's been a truly lovely day.'

Finding a quiet part of the room the four women sat down to chat. Severine oozed French sophistication, her conversation was warm and engaging, and it wasn't long before the English couple were being swept up by the strength of her personality. However, some ten minutes into the conversation she surprised everyone by asking Kate, in a manner that was patently not used to hearing a refusal, if she would go with her to meet some other guests and leave Meg and Caroline to reminisce. So it was that the group divided and Caroline immediately took the opportunity to remind Meg that she had promised to talk about Caz's father.

'Oh yes. Malcolm. Despite what I said this morning it isn't really a long story, but I was reluctant to say too much because I wasn't quite sure what Kate knew about us, especially the reason why we parted.'

'We haven't been together very long, but it would have been fine to say whatever you had to say in front of her. I did wonder this morning if you rushed off to avoid the question.'

'No, not at all, apart from trying to protect you. As you know, after we split I went to pieces. Totally wrecked. Please, don't look so guilty, Caroline. I knew deep down that it devastated you as much as it did me, whatever your mother might have told me on the phone. As you know, my parents had been supportive when I'd told them about us, but not pleased, so although they struggled to see me so sad, I could tell that they were relieved. Although they were brilliant to start with and I couldn't have got through that time without them, mum used the situation to her advantage. More tactful than your mum but no less determined or effective. Goodness knows how you managed with overt bigotry but it's still powerful when dressed up as care and concern, I can assure you. By the way, how did you manage, Caroline?'

'I hid the pain. Had no choice. Mum didn't want to know and after the disaster of talking to her, there wasn't anyone else I dared talk to about how I felt and didn't, until I off-loaded to Kate. I wasn't going to risk further rejection.'

Meg touched Caroline's hand in a brief display of comfort before resuming her story.

'I can empathise with that. Your mum lit the touch paper, if you like, but my parents fanned the flame and like you, I didn't know who else to talk to. Dad had told me from the start that I needed to be prepared for the world not to understand and your mum's attitude proved his point, which he didn't hesitate to remind me. More than once. Then later mum started to drip-feed doubt and guilt. You know the stuff. She'd always wanted to be a grandmother and if I was with another woman I'd take that chance away from her and was I sure that I wanted to do that. There was the reminder about what they'd given up to support me through Uni. It went on and on, so it just became easier not to think about being with anyone.'

'Did you start to doubt yourself too?'

'Asking myself if I was a lesbian, I guess you mean. Yes, I asked but the answer was never in doubt.'

'But you still became pregnant?' Caroline's words were more statement than question.

'Um, I did. Quite simply, I decided that I wanted a baby. Not for my mum and her desire to become a grandmother but for me, to satisfy something in me. I had an excellent job with good prospects, but it wasn't enough, and I knew it wouldn't ever be. It is for some but not for me, not enough to fill the hole that you left in my life.'

'But this morning you said…'

'I know what I said, Caroline, but I could see from the look on Kate's face that she wasn't fooled. I wasn't sure about you. The truth is that when I set out to fall pregnant I was still grieving for you. Well, not for you, personally. More for what you and I were. For the closeness that we had, that I couldn't forget and thought I'd never feel again. A guy I worked with was keen on me, and we went out together for a while. He just wanted a fling, not commitment, and I used him as much as he used me. He freaked out big time when I told him I was pregnant until I managed to persuade him that I wasn't after his money or his future. That's it. I called her Caroline not as a memorial to you but more as a celebration. Maybe, too, as a little 'fuck-you' to the world as well as liking the name!'

'I bet your mum had something to say about your choice of name.' Caroline had always known that Meg had more spirit than she did, and the admission fitted what she knew of her determined nature.

'She was so besotted and thrilled at the seven-pound bundle of joy that she didn't comment. Mind you, that changed after I met Severine and we started to discuss the possibility of moving here. Then I probably did deserve to feel the guilt that she heaped on me. You can imagine how she felt about me taking her darling granddaughter to a foreign country to live with a lesbian.'

Meg looked through the patio doors and pointed out her mother and daughter laughing together, her father in full flow recounting an anecdote to anyone who would listen.

'It's all worked out though. It's easy to get here and they visited frequently and grew to love Severine. They didn't hesitate to move into one of the gites here when dad retired. It's made it a real family concern even though they're not officially on the payroll, and they love the climate. Of course, for them the best thing is that they can see Caz when she's not globetrotting with her mates, so all's well that ends well.'

Severine and Kate had re-joined them as Meg finished talking, as if on cue.

'They're just bringing the croquembouche, Meg, so we need to get over to the table to share it out,' Severine prompted.

'Coming! Don't really want to share it but I guess we must.' Meg joked as she stood and put her arm around her wife's waist. 'So, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you, Caroline – and Kate, of course. Let's hope that your mum won't give Kate the tongue-lashing that she gave me. You could always have a baby to get her onside!'

As they walked away Kate gave Caroline a questioning look.

'I'll tell you later,' she whispered.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

The wedding celebrations ended just after midnight and the two very weary ladies from Harrogate were not sorry to head upstairs to their room and even more pleased to take their shoes off. Caroline was the first to acknowledge that she didn't have her mother's skill on the dance floor, but she had enjoyed the experience of being with someone who did rather than having to endure the 'dad-dancing' and drunken behaviour that John would have demonstrated. Not that she would have had an invitation to the wedding had she still been with John. In fact, it stood to reason, that she would not have been back in touch with Meg had that been the case.

As might have been expected Kate and Caroline had not spent any length of time with the newly-weds over the course of the evening, and even if they had the music would have been too loud for conversation. Caroline had spoken with Meg's mother and once in the privacy of their bedroom she was keen to tell Kate about it.

'So, there I was at the mirror, touching up my lippie and Meg's mum came into the toilets. I could tell by the look on her face that she knew who I was, so I didn't introduce myself, and I just said something about it being a lovely wedding. Well, she took me off at the knees. Said that I shouldn't have been invited and if I had an ounce of decency I would have turned the invitation down. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to get into a row with her but neither did I want her to think that it was acceptable to be rude even if she thought she was in the right.'

'So what did you do?'

'Well, I started to say that I was sorry she felt like that when who should come out of a cubicle than Caz. She's obviously heard the tirade and immediately apologised for her grandmother and told her not to spoil Meg's day by being rude to guests. Grandma bustled off with her tail between her legs. It made me wonder if she'd followed me in there purposefully as she didn't appear to need the loo. Anyway, once she was out of earshot I said that I understood why her Gran was so protective and we stood in the ladies having quite a chat. I got the impression of a pretty smart cookie and a very kind young lady.'

'Oh, how embarrassing that Caz had to come to your rescue again! It says a lot about her that she stood up to her grandmother. I thought you'd been gone a long time. I'd begun to wonder if you'd sneaked up here to get out of dancing with me.'

Caroline had been taking her make-up off while they chatted but put her cleansing wipe down and turned to Kate, who was undressing ready for bed. From across the room she moved her hands as if outlining Kate's curves while she spoke.

'Why would I do that? Lose the chance to hold you tight in a slow dance or watch your hips move in a faster one? Not likely. Either option works for me!'

'I don't know what you mean!' exclaimed Kate in mock surprise.

'Like hell you don't. I know your game, lady. It was like an evening of extended foreplay and in a few short minutes I'll let you feel the fruit of your labour!'

'Oh, talking of labour, tell me what Meg meant about having a baby.'

'That, my darling Kate, will wait for another day. Right now, I've more important things to use my mouth for than talking. Do you need some help to get those clothes off because I'm getting frustrated at your lack of progress!'

ooOoo

'Come and look at this, Raff.' Alan beckoned to his grandson who was putting the finishing touches to his homework.

'Ok, Grandad. Just give me a minute. Then you can tell me why we are whispering!'

Alan looked across the yard to the nearest field. Yes, Gillian was still there, busy checking her sheep, so there was no chance that she could overhear. He smiled to himself as he shook his head. His nervousness at telling Raff his news didn't compare to his dread of the mockery Gillian was likely to express if she found out. He loved his daughter, but he was not blind to her imperfections and her party trick was making fun of anything slightly out of the ordinary.

'Sorry, Raff lad. I'm not used to this cloak and dagger behaviour. I keep forgetting myself.'

Raff had joined his grandad in front of the computer where he could see a photo of an older woman with a broad smile. There was something stylish about her, which would fit what his grandad had told him about the young girl who had stood him up. He returned the grin that dominated his grandad's face, sensing the honour of being invited to share something so important and personal. Having lost his father at an early age Raff had grown up grateful for the support and example of this kind man who he respected and loved beyond words and he felt the justice of his happiness.

'She looks nice, Grandad. I take it that is your lost date.'

'That's her. She does look bonny, doesn't she? I'd recognise her anywhere. It's as if sixty years just evaporated. Thank you for your help with Facebook, lad.'

'So, what happens now? Have you messaged her?'

'Oh, aye. Just a casual message, you know. Hope she's well and asked about her family. Told her that I was a widower and that I live on a farm with you and your mum. Now just waiting for her to reply.'

'Good job. Well done you. You'd better wipe that smile off your face before mum comes in or she'll know something's up! You know that she won't spend too much of her Sunday out there.'

ooOoo

'Are you packed yet, Kate?' Caroline called through from the en-suite bathroom as she pulled the brush through her hair.

'Yup. But there's no need to rush as we're alright for time. I'm so glad I brought my flats for walking around the vineyard. I'm quite excited; it's a first for me.'

Caroline continued to brush her hair as she came into the room, no longer needing a mirror for the task. She packed the rest of her belongings as Kate watched. They'd enjoyed a small continental breakfast with some of the other guests but there had been no sign of Meg or Severine, or, to Caroline's relief, Meg's mother but that would probably change when they called in at the winery on their way back to the airport. Caroline joined Kate on the window seat and checked her watch.

'Oh, you're right. There's still nearly twenty minutes until the minibus is due.'

'Yes, time to tell me what Meg meant about the baby.'

Caroline snuggled into the arm that Kate held out and began the story, going right back to the e mail that Meg had sent describing the phone call with her mother. Kate was shocked to hear the extent of Celia's bigotry, realising for the first time that she may have underestimated her. Caroline moved on to talk about the reaction of Meg's parents and the way that Caz's birth had eventually healed some of the hurt.

'Oh, so that's why she said about having a baby to get your mother on your side.'

'Well, my mother isn't likely to be so easily placated, which is just as well as I've no intention of going down the sleepless nights and dirty nappy avenue again. Can you imagine, teenagers and a baby in the same household? What a disaster that would be. I'm just going to give the bathroom one final check; I've a feeling I've forgotten something.'

With Caroline's back turned Kate wiped the stray tear that had escaped from its pool despite her best efforts. Her throat felt tight and she was relieved to avoid conversation for a few seconds until she had brought her emotions back under control. The last thing she wanted was for Caroline to sense her discomfiture. Their next hurdle was to begin to be open to others about their relationship and Kate felt it was far too early to talk about her dreams for a baby. She had asked herself numerous times over the previous few weeks when the time would be right to mention it and she felt that there was no easy answer to such a conundrum. To talk about it too early was to declare an assumption that they had a future together and likely to spook a partner at the start of any relationship, let alone one where there were mountains to climb. However, leave it too late and there was a risk of being thought dishonest for hiding such a momentous dream. Perhaps, she pondered in those few quiet seconds, she should have made the most of the opening presented to her that morning.

'It's too late now.' She whispered the words to herself, but they came out rather more loudly than she intended.

'No, it's not, Kate. We've still got plenty of time. They'll not drive off without us. Here, I've got the room key. If you're worried, we can go.'

ooOoo

Meg and Severine were waiting at the farmhouse to give a tour of the vineyard and to say their goodbyes to the eight wedding guests who were returning to the UK that afternoon. They described their plans for the business and were obviously looking forward to the challenge. As much as she loved her job, Caroline couldn't help but be envious of their lifestyle and while slowly sipping a small glass of white wine she felt more than a slight sadness at the thought of returning to the regimentation of her daily routine.

'Euro for your thoughts!'

'With the poor exchange rate they're not worth that much, Meg! I was just comparing my life with yours and Severine's. I know you must have to work so very hard but the freedom, the space to, to, oh, I don't know. The space to just be, I guess.'

'Ours is a different world, Caroline, but it isn't the chocolate box lifestyle that you might imagine. There are times when we're up against it and the stress sends my blood pressure through the roof. You soon forget the wonderful scenery and peace when the weather changes just as the grapes are being picked, or when the wine wholesaler wants to pay us less than last year and our margins are already tight. You and Kate are starting to make progress so just hold that thought and hang on in there.'

'You're right. I'm just tired, I guess, and at least the Easter holiday will soon be here. I shouldn't moan, as we've had such a wonderful weekend. We're really grateful that you invited us.'

'Kate seems lovely, Caroline.'

Caroline looked across an expanse of field to where Caz and Kate were deep in conversation. She knew that Kate was making the most of the opportunity to use her French, learn about the business and take photographs. A topic on wine growing was sure to be added to the lunchtime French club programme as Kate continued her quest to interest those students who they struggled to engage.

'She is. I'm just beginning to realise how lovely. She's taken a real shine to you all.'

'Likewise. We would really like to see more of you both. Would you come back in the summer, use one of the cottages? Bring the boys too. Severine loves having children about the place.'

'Did she ever want to have a child of her own?'

Meg didn't reply but the disdain on her face said all that Caroline needed to hear.

'Oh, I'm sorry, Meg. That was insensitive, thoughtless and so very wrong.'

'It was. If you ask Caz, she'll tell you. It's not blood. It's not name. It's twee but it's true, the love in the heart and the bonds forged are what counts, and Severine and Caz started that journey when Caz was five months old. What about Kate?'

'What about her?'

'What does she think about having children?'

Caroline looked again towards Kate, whose responsiveness and interest in their pupils was remarkable. She knew that not all teachers wanted children at home however much they enjoyed helping them learn and develop at school, but she also realised that it wasn't something that she had ever talked to Kate about. With the difficulty that he had accepting the breakdown of his parent's marriage Lawrence was unlikely to be welcoming to another adult in his life, certainly not his mother's lesbian lover. William was practically an adult. Kate was just forty-two, so did she still hope for a baby and the chance to forge those bonds that Meg spoke about?'

'You don't know, do you?' Meg prompted.

Caroline's head dropped, and she placed her wine glass on the floor of the terrace. She didn't feel able to look at Meg, so ashamed was she of her shortcomings.

'I'm going to be blunt, and hope you can take it, Caroline. If not, you'll head back home, and I won't ever hear from you again. But, this is going to be said with affection, so I hope you'll be open to what I'm going to say. I'd put money on the fact that you haven't asked but assumed. I wonder how much you can tell me about Kate that you haven't learned from her CV. Her background, her hopes and trials growing up; big and little alike. Did she play for the school hockey team and break her arm when she fell off her bike? I've seen enough of her over the last twenty-four hours to know that she worships the ground that you walk on, but I also sense that she lacks confidence in your relationship which probably means she follows your lead more often than not. When we were together you knew everything there was to know about me because I didn't give you any option, mouthy git that I was and am, but I sense Kate isn't like that. Stop assuming, Caz, and start asking and listening. Please!'

Caroline raised her head and looked forlornly at her friend. Every word that Meg had spoken had hit home with razor-sharp accuracy. She sensed the genuineness of Meg's intentions and could not take offence.

'I will, Meg. Thank you for daring to challenge me. Not many are brave enough to do so. I'd already determined that I would tell the family about Kate next weekend, but I need to set time aside to ask Kate what she wants for her future if it's going to be mine too. You will hear from me again and it won't be another twenty-five years.'

'Good. We'll hope to see you in the summer and expect an invitation to your wedding once it becomes legal!'

'It won't ever be legal unless I talk to John about getting divorced first, but the summer trip sounds perfect.'

'If Kate agrees?'

'Of course. If Kate agrees!'


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

The flight and the drive to Harrogate were uneventful and all too soon they were parked outside Kate's house. Spurred on by Meg's admonition Caroline had tentatively started to show more interest in Kate but she felt she needed to take it slowly rather than jump feet first into big questions. This was alien territory for her and she knew that her skills needed to be honed if she didn't want to come across as the Spanish inquisition. She was now aware she had compartmentalised Kate's life and had not wondered about her outside the two boxes of school and their relationship, how she judged a man might behave, and she didn't want to alarm Kate by too radical a change. She criticised herself on that too, as she knew this was more an intellectual exercise than an adjustment in her character, for now at least.

What was discussed freely on the journey home was the weekend itself and both agreed that, all in all, it had been a wonderful time. Any negatives such as the hiccup about the booking of the hotel rooms had long since been forgiven and they were reluctant to part.

'Are you sure you won't come in?' Kate unashamedly caressed the back of Caroline's hand where it rested on the gear stick.

'If I do, I won't want to leave, and I really ought to pick Lawrence up. He'll use it against me in the future if I allow him to be out late when it suits me! Seeing you one evening in the week would be good, though. I'm still intent on telling my mother and the boys about us next weekend and I could do with running some things by you beforehand.'

'Your call and it will be a long wait, but I'm happy to stick to our normal Thursday.'

'Let's do that but I'll hope to catch you at school too.'

With a hug and a brief kiss, they parted. Caroline drove slowly, re-absorbing the lessons learned as well as recollecting the enjoyment and freedom of the past forty-eight hours. She sensed that they had moved considerably closer together by being away from other distractions and responsibilities. While she was trying not to make assumptions, her imagination identified potential positive benefits once their relationship was out in the open, particularly spending more time together and not having to make excuses to do so. She hoped for other life-changing developments too and wondered if she would be brave enough to voice them to Kate.

She called to collect Lawrence but knowing that it would have been impolite to rush off, she spent a short while with Angus' parents and gave them a bottle of wine from Severine and Meg's estate. This led on to a discussion about the vineyard and Angus' dad, who liked to think of himself as a wine aficionado, asked her to let them have its details so that they could look at renting one of the estate's cottages in the summer. She didn't mention that she might be likely to do the same and made a mental note to find out from Meg if, and when, Angus' family booked before she made any such plans. Although Lawrence might approve, the last thing that she needed was to go on holiday with Kate under the scrutiny of one of their pupils and his parents, however kind and engaging they might be.

Fortunately for Caroline when she arrived home her mother was anxious to get back to her flat and she wasn't subject to the expected third degree. Having ascertained that her daughter's journey home had gone well, Celia kissed her goodnight and rushed off. Caroline thought it strange but knowing that her mother liked to watch certain TV programmes at the time of their broadcast, so the following day's edition of the Daily Mail did not spoil the plot for her, she assumed this was one of those times. Caroline spent a relaxed hour with the boys, catching up on their weekend and sharing some of the highlights of hers, before sending them off to the shower and bed and following soon afterwards.

'Hello you. Miss you already.' She texted to Kate once she knew that they boys had settled and turned their lights off.

'Ditto. Everything ok at home?'

'Yes fine. Shall I ring instead of exchanging texts?'

'I've just come off the phone to my mum. Give me five minutes to get myself into bed and I'm all yours.'

ooOoo

Meanwhile, back in her flat, Celia had been quick to turn on her laptop to check if Alan had made contact while she had been in the main house. While William knew about Alan, she didn't intend for him to be party to the messages that they exchanged, which is why the laptop had stayed at the flat. She knew that if she had taken it with her she would have found it difficult to resist the pull of checking for messages. Alan had not disappointed.

'Dear Celia

How amazing to find you on Facebook. I would like to hear how the years have treated you – well, I hope. Do you have family?

I'm a widower and enjoy living with my daughter and her son Raff. Gillian is a sheep farmer so our home is a farmhouse, in the hills overlooking Halifax. The wind fair whistles through the eaves and window frames when it's in the right direction, I can tell you! I'm retired, having worked for Jessops since we left school. Do you wonder where the years have gone? I do.

Look forward to hearing from you.

Kind regards,

Alan (Buttershaw)'

Sensing the cheeky, kind, polite boy that she knew in the words of the man, she smiled. Whatever cards life had dealt him, his character didn't seem any different from the one she remembered with so much fondness. She beamed at learning he was a widower, and then felt slightly guilty and wiped the smile from her face. Celia did not want to appear too eager and decided to wait until the morning before replying, aware that her imagination was beginning to run away with her.

'Don't be daft,' she thought while she closed the computer but sixty years of 'what-ifs' were not so easily shut down and sleep eluded her for most of the night.

ooOoo

The school had one of those weeks when Caroline did not stop working from the minute she arrived to when she left but would struggle to explain what she had done in the time, should anyone ask her, and she started again in the evenings when the boys drifted off to their bedrooms. Her mother had spent very little time with them and by the Wednesday evening Caroline became concerned enough to leave her work until she had checked all was well.

'Boys! I'm just going next door to see if your Gran's ok, should you want me for anything.'

Celia was in her living room with her laptop perched on her knee, but she shut the lid as soon as she noticed her daughter through the glass door.

'Oh, hello, love. Have you finished that paperwork? You do too much, you know, with home and school. John wasn't much use, but he would at least take some of the pressure off you at mealtimes. Shall I make you a cuppa?'

'I'm getting there, mum. He might have taken some pressure off at mealtimes, but he would pile it on at others. At least I don't have his dirty laundry to worry about! No tea for me, thank you. There's a glass of wine with my name on that I'm going to have when I get back. How are you, anyway?'

'Me? I'm fine, love.'

'Just wondered as we haven't seen much of you. Getting the hang of your laptop, I see.'

Celia looked at the computer as if it had magically appeared in front of her. She got up from her chair and placed the laptop on the table before returning to her seat.

'Oh, that. Yes, I think so. William has set it up nicely. It's marvellous what you can look at on that Goggle. Did you know you can go into this Tube thingy where they have old songs and bits of films? And Amazon! They sell things that I didn't even know were invented.'

Caroline lowered her chin and pretended to cough, to hide her smirk.

'Yes, I did know. I hope you've got protection against viruses if you're using the internet.'

'William assured me that it's safe. I think it was included in the package when I bought it. Anyway, how was the wedding? You haven't mentioned it. Any photos to show me?'

'The wedding was lovely although the ceremony was dreadfully boring.'

'That's the French for you, Caroline. People moan about the English, but French bureaucracy is second to none.'

'You might be right about that, mum, but their food made up for it. It was a lovely break for me. I think I needed that after all that's happened in the last six months.'

'But, no photos?'

'I've a couple on my phone but it's next door so I'll show you when we go out on Saturday if I don't have time before. William wants to come with us. No, that's not true. He SAYS he wants to come with us, I should say. I'm not sure that he does, to be honest, but he wants an excuse not to go out with his dad.'

'Does he need one?'

'Not in my opinion or yours but you know William, doesn't like to leave himself open to challenge or criticism.'

'Well, I won't keep you. I know you've a pile of work to go back to. I assume you're trying to get ahead so you're free for Pilates tomorrow evening. Mind you, I'm amazed you're still going to that. I didn't think it was your cup of tea.'

'Marching orders received and understood! Yes, I'm out tomorrow. Night, mum.'

She kissed the top of her mum's head and headed back home. Celia hadn't been fooled. She knew her daughter never went anywhere without her mobile, which a quick glance confirmed as being in the back pocket of her jeans. She also noticed that Caroline hadn't confirmed about doing Pilates, only that she was going out the following evening. As Celia restarted her laptop it made her feel better that she wasn't the only one with a secret. Now exchanging messages with Alan several times each day she read his last one before she set about composing something witty and interesting in reply.

ooOoo

The welcoming hug on Kate's doorstep was strong, long and meaningful, neither Caroline nor Kate wanting to let go. It had seemed an interminable four days, with the occasional fifteen minutes of conversation grabbed here and there in front of pupils and other staff totally insufficient to satiate their longing for physical contact. Eventually they separated but only until they migrated to the sofa where the kissing and touching continued for some time, although oddly neither woman made any attempt to take things further.

'Gosh, I've missed you so much. Forty-eight hours with you and then practically nothing. Feast and famine.' Kate griped as their lips separated for a moment.

'I'm here now.' Caroline murmured. She stroked Kate's face, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. Their eyes met, and their mouths grinned, both flushed and breathing hard.

'When you said about coming here tonight you said you wanted to check something with me before you talked to your family about us. What's up?' Kate didn't take her eyes off her lover, looking out for anything that might indicate a need to worry.

'Nothing's up. At least, I hope not. It's just that, um, you know we think a lot about each other.'

'I'm not agreeing with you if you're going to reduce its size and importance to little more than friendship when it's so very much more.' Kate interrupted gently and boldly, before bringing Caroline's hand to her mouth for her kiss.

'The thing is, Kate, I've done a lot of assumption about you and us and I wanted to get it straight in my head before I talked to the boys and my mother. I didn't want to talk about you, about us, as something that we're not; something that you would be uncomfortable with. After all, you'll see the boys daily even if you don't meet my mother.'

'Yet. If I don't meet her yet.'

'Yes, yet. That's not going to be a comfortable ride, Kate. She won't welcome you. There's no doubt on that score. But, I thought, the more I could be confident myself that we're planning long term, the more I could put up with from her. Also, with the boys; I don't want them to think that this is casual because it's not, for me. I don't do casual. I know what we think about each other now but don't know if we are on the same page about where it might end.'

'There are a number of steps between casual and commitment. You mentioned planning long-term.'

Caroline couldn't help but notice the frown lines that furrowed Kate's brow.

'Sorry, I've assumed too much, again. Meg told me off for doing that.'

Kate laughed and snuggled into Caroline's neck, to the latter's relief.

'What's so funny?'

'That morning in France, when Caz was showing me around the vineyard, we saw you and Meg talking and Caz said she could pick up her mum's chastising body language even from across the field. While Meg was obviously telling you your fortune, I was sharing something with Caz that she told me I needed to tell you. That's what's funny. Like mother, like daughter, eh?'

'So it would seem. What is it that you need to tell me?'

Kate prised herself away from Caroline again so that she could see her facial reaction to the bombshell that she was about to drop.

'This is hard, and I understand you'll need time to take in what I'm saying because I'm expecting you to be upset. I'm serious about us. Nothing I'm going to say alters that. Cards on the table, I'd probably marry you tomorrow if it was legal and you were free. Yes, that committed. But there's something very serious you need to know first.'

'God, you're scaring me now, Kate. You're not ill, are you? It sounds as if you're ill.' Caroline sensed her heart rate quicken and she felt nauseous.

'Not ill, no, but it is a medical issue, of sorts.' Kate took a deep breath as her dark-brown eyes stared determinedly into blue. 'I'm nearly 42 and I've never given up hope of having a baby. I want a baby, Caroline. If we're going to share a future, you need to know that I want to try for a baby.'


	24. Chapter 24

**A/N I'm posting this on Valentine's Day to say thanks to all of you who continue to encourage me with your reviews and PMs. We're rapidly approaching the events of the first episode, so the story will, at times, divert significantly from the original….**

Chapter 24

While Caroline was hoping to ascertain Kate's feelings about a future with someone who had two teenage boys, which she thought was a big enough hurdle to jump, a baby would mean pole vaulting heights – for both of them. Unfortunately, her face spoke volumes and she could see that Kate was devastated by her reaction. As she listened she remembered a conversation they'd had in France when she had so clearly told Kate what she thought about a baby in a house with teenagers and regretted that she had been so outspoken.

'Gosh, Kate. I don't need to tell you that you've shocked me.'

'I knew I would, but I couldn't not tell you. I could kick myself for not at least dropping hints before but it's as if we've arrived without knowing we've set off and there didn't seem a right time to bring it up. Not that I'm complaining because the journey and destination are wonderful, but I am sorry to surprise you.'

'That you have. Wow. This is some roller-coaster.'

'I guess I should feel grateful that you didn't compare it to a ride through the house of horrors.'

'Oh, Kate. Don't. It's just such a lot to take in.'

'I know. I'm ahead of you, I guess. You've not even told your family and I'm proposing an even more radical change to your whole way of life.'

'I do see why you had to tell me now because you can't keep quiet about something that's so important to you and I also see why you hadn't told me before. I feel guilty, Kate, because I haven't bothered to get to know what makes you tick. Not really. I suppose I looked at you as a career teacher with great prospects and didn't wonder, let alone ask, if you had any other hopes and dreams.'

'It is a dream but not one that I'd want to fulfil alone.'

'How would, how could you? Get pregnant, I mean.'

'I think practicalities are the least of our worries. I don't want to lose you.'

'You stopped just as you were about to say 'but'. No matter. I can guess what the rest of that sentence says. This is a deal breaker for you, isn't it? No baby, no relationship.' Caroline tucked her hands underneath her legs and shuffled backwards on the sofa, matching the emotional gap that she had put between herself and Kate since the conversation started. She was inwardly ashamed of her reaction, while continuing to erect barriers of self-preservation as her brain worked furiously.

'I didn't say that and it's not something I've wanted to consider. In my head I had you agreeing to the idea, well, until the conversation in France, that is. Reluctant initially but agreeing. The reality is we've both done rather too much assuming and not enough communicating.' Kate pulled Caroline's left hand from underneath her thigh, sure that resuming physical contact would help a return to where they had been emotionally. 'You need to take time to think but without thinking you've got to choose between our relationship and a baby. I don't want you to follow my dream just because you don't like the alternative. This is a massive thing, Caroline, and we would both need to be on board. Wholeheartedly.'

Caroline lunged forward to pull Kate into a hug. This was partly because she wanted to feel Kate's arms around her, providing that sense of secure acceptance which had been missing most of her life, but also because she didn't want her face to be subject to scrutiny. Truth be told, at that moment, she felt as if any chance for the future of their relationship was slipping out of reach. She could not see a way forward. Her boys would soon be 15 and 17. She was already planning to tell them something with the potential to rock their already fragile world and if she couldn't imagine how to add a baby into that mix, how could she expect them to do so? This was more than enough in itself so she pushed away the nagging vision of her mother which threatened to shred the last few fragments of her sanity. The women's thoughts were not dissimilar. Kate really did understand the enormity of her proposal and took the responsibility for this precipice moment solely on her own shoulders.

'What are we going to do?' Caroline queried abruptly, trying in vain to prevent tears.

'We weren't going to meet this weekend anyway. You've promised your mum to go out with her on Saturday and I won't get back from Durham until Sunday afternoon. So, what I think we should do is to carry on with our plans. That way, we'll have time apart to regroup and take the pressure off having to conjure up answers to tough questions too quickly.'

'I was going to tell the boys about you this weekend.' Caroline sounded disappointed, which was a delight to Kate's ears. She loosened herself from Kate's hug to take a tissue from her pocket and wipe her eyes and nose.

'Keeping it for another weekend won't matter, will it?' Kate reassured. She reached forward to cup Caroline's head in her hands and kiss away a stray tear from her cheek. The tension of their predicament melted at the tenderness of the gesture, and the longing that was restrained earlier that evening now burst from its chains. They made love there and then as if their very souls depended upon their coupling, both fearing it might be the last time they did so.

ooOoo

'Hi Lawrence. I was thinking about Saturday and thought we had better get our heads together.' John had already told his younger son of his intention to speak to Caroline about returning to live with the family, but they had yet to agree a strategy.

'Hi Popsicle. I can't wait.'

'Me neither, Lawrence, but don't get your hopes up too much. Your mum might not agree straight away but if we work together I'm sure we'll get there eventually. I'm glad I've got your support as I don't think my grovelling will be enough on its own.'

'I've got things covered. Leave it with me.'

'What are you up to?!' John's excitement was evident in his voice. He knew his wife was open to manipulation where their sons were concerned, and Lawrence was a master of guile.

'Best I don't tell you, then you won't give the game away. Mum's out now but I'll be ready with the bait when she gets back. All you need to do it be ready to hook her in on Saturday. Let's meet at rugby as usual but afterwards we should come back here instead of going out. Mum and William are taking Gran out. She's been moaning that mum's been too busy to see her lately, which she has, so I think they'll make a day of it to shut her up and not before time.'

'Lawrence. Enough. That's your Gran you're talking about.' John found his son's opinion funny but knew he should pretend otherwise.

'And? Your point is? You can't stand her and I've heard you say far worse. Anyway, I'd better go and get things ready as I think mum will be back home soon.'

'Ok, good luck with whatever it is!'

'Dad? Just one thing. Make sure you shave and put a clean shirt on but don't look too obvious. Mum's no fool and you'll need to be convincing.'

ooOoo

Caroline drove home from Kate's with a heavy heart. She felt burdened by the weight of her thoughts and the possible consequences of the choices that she might make in the following days. The weekend in France seemed like a distant memory and she thought it would be cruel if their relationship failed so soon after having a taste of what it could become. She was pleased to see that the boys had already made their way to their rooms, at least this saved her having another stressful encounter. She intended to pour herself a glass of wine to take to her room but stopped herself as she reached into the cupboard for a glass, feeling that alcohol might make her even more maudlin and, in any case, would not provide a solution.

She checked on William first, who was fast asleep with a text book in his hand. She placed the book on his bedside table, kissed his wavy hair and turned off his light. He didn't stir, and she smiled despite herself, remembering how different he had been as a baby when he would have woken at the slightest noise or movement. The smile quickly faded from her lips as she opened Lawrence's door. His room was in total disarray, belongings everywhere as if they had been taken up in a tornado and returned to earth. Moreover, Lawrence was nowhere to be seen. Frantically she rushed to the bathroom; no joy. Now almost on the point of becoming hysterical she ran back downstairs, checking doors and windows to ensure that there had not been a forced entry. The ground floor showing no sign of her younger son she resumed her search upstairs, her logic telling her that nothing awful could have happened. William might be a sound sleeper, but he would have woken to any loud noises, she reasoned. Opening her own bedroom door, she was relieved and shocked to find Lawrence asleep across her bed, cuddling one of his father's jumpers. She tentatively touched his shoulder as she sat beside him. He squinted up at her before throwing himself into her arms and sobbing loudly.

'I miss him so much, mum.' The youngster wailed, his body shaking with emotion.

'I know, Lawrence. I know.' She cooed into his hair. 'You seemed to have been doing better. Why haven't you spoken to me?'

'It seems so silly. I came up to bed early to do my maths homework and it went wrong and it was if everything seemed to pile on top of me and I was just so mad I couldn't control my actions. I'm sorry, mum, but I trashed my bedroom.'

'I saw.'

'You're not cross?' He sat up and looked earnestly into his mum's eyes as he yawned dramatically.

'No, not cross. There are better ways of dealing with hurt, Lawrence, but I understand you may not have found them yet. Shall we tidy up so you can get to bed? We'll talk tomorrow.'

Lawrence yawned again and rubbed his eyes.

'Don't tell William. Please.'

'I won't. Have you spoken to your dad tonight?'

'Yes, as always. I think he's sorry about what happened, mum. He seemed sad, too, so I didn't tell him I was upset.'

Caroline's affection for her sons was limitless but she was not ignorant of their shortcomings. While Lawrence appeared genuine, his recounting of his evening had not rung true and once they returned to his bedroom she looked more carefully at the mess before them. Nothing had been broken which was odd. His bedside lamp was on the far side of the room, by the door and the lampshade was elsewhere yet the bulb was intact. Models that he had made years ago, fragile balsa-wood constructions, also appeared undamaged yet they too had been disturbed. They quickly put things in their rightful place and she hugged her son again once he was settled under his duvet.

'I'll stay while you fall asleep,' she promised.

'No need, mum. I'm sure I'll be fine now. Night.' He rolled over to face away from his mum, unable to mask the smile for any longer.

Caroline considered the most recent events of the evening as she prepared for bed. How strange, she thought, that the discussion at Kate's house could so quickly have reduced in importance. While convinced that her son had engineered the chaos and tears, it did not mean that his emotions were any less significant. Surely, she reasoned to herself, the events signalled the distressed mind of a seriously troubled teenager.

ooOoo

The following day at breakfast Lawrence reminded his mum that he had been invited to a sleep-over with Angus and would go to rugby from his house. Caroline waited until William had left the kitchen before challenging Lawrence.

'Don't we need to talk, Lawrence, after last night? I don't think you should stay over. Go after school for a while if you want, but not for the night.'

'No, that's not fair. That means I'm being punished for being upset. You're being unreasonable.' His voice was loud, and his tone was contemptuous.

'Don't you want to talk about things? You're obviously feeling angry and upset. I just want what's best for you.'

'If that was the case you wouldn't have told dad to leave in the first place, so no, I don't want to talk about things.'

'I know you have been caught up in the whirlpool, Lawrence, but it wasn't me who threw the rock into the water.' Despite her intention not to allocate guilt, Caroline's defences were low, and her words escaped before she realised. 'Stay with Angus if you must but you know full well that I'm not being unreasonable. We WILL talk tomorrow night, whether you want to or not.'

Lawrence flew from the kitchen and stomped upstairs, cursing himself under his breath as he realised he might have been better to forgo the enjoyment of the proposed sleepover to further his cause and knowing that the skirmish with his mum had not gained any ground for his dad in his battle to be readmitted to the family.

ooOoo

The headteacher was not sorry that a major problem with the school's boiler kept her occupied from the middle of the morning. The last thing she wanted was to have time to dwell on her personal problems and she was pleased that she could direct some of her emotional energy towards the heating engineer's lack of progress. The bell sounded to indicate the close of school before the problem had been solved and she watched, annoyed, through a front-facing classroom window as the staff began to leave for the day. Satisfied that the maintenance team could manage without her input she met up with William about half an hour later, sure in her mind that Kate would have been on her way home and she had lost the opportunity to see her. Her assumption was incorrect and whether by Kate's design or pure chance they met on the stone steps outside the front entrance.

'Wait in the car for me, William, please. I need to talk to Miss McKenzie.'

Some weeks previously two of the boys in his class had made snide insinuations about his mum being in a relationship with the French teacher but he had put their remarks down to ignorance and malice. Not having seen much interaction between his mum and Kate McKenzie he decided to make the most of the opportunity presented to him, studying their body language through the Jeep's windscreen.

'Are you ok?' Kate asked, her hand coming to rest on Caroline's right elbow as their eyes locked.

'Not really. You?' she absent-mindedly stroked her lover's hand before she realised what she was doing.

'If you can be ok after a day of teaching hormonal teenagers when you haven't slept!' she laughed while her face showed every emotion but pleasure.

'I hope you get a good sleep tonight so you'll have enough energy for the drive and reunion.'

'Thank you. I'll try. I'll ring you on Sunday when I get home. We'll sort something out, Caroline.'

'I hope so, Kate, I hope so.' She touched hands with Kate again, this time leaving their fingers joined.

They said their goodbyes soon afterwards and Caroline tried to be more upbeat than she felt as she climbed into her car. William pretended to be preoccupied with his phone, while he worked out how best to make comment.

'Kate looked upset, mum. Is she ok?'

'Yes, William, she did seem upset but she's ok; just tired like the rest of us, I think. When did you have permission to call her by her first name, by the way.'

'Choir. As it's an extra-curricular activity she said we could. She's nice, mum, funny and very kind. I like her.'

'She is all of those things, William. I agree.' She looked into her rear-view mirror, desperate to catch a final glimpse of Kate before the Jeep headed in a different direction.

'I'll be going to Uni next year and Lawrence two years afterwards. Well, if he gets his finger out. Don't forget that, will you?'

'That's a funny thing to say but no, I won't forget.' She shook her head and put her hand out to pat her son's knee, not having interpreted the meaning behind his words.

William smiled, satisfied that he had said enough for the moment without embarrassing himself or his mum.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

'Right, my treat from start to finish today but you and William can choose where we go except I need to call into Marks's food hall for some of their smoked mackerel just before we head home.'

Celia had knocked on the side door of the main house over half-an-hour before she was expected. In stark contrast to the mood of her mother, whose positivity was both surprising and jarring, Caroline was struggling to summon up any energy and interest in the outing. Her mind was focused on Kate and she was anxious lest her mother remembered she'd promised to show her the photos from the wedding. Having intended to use them as a springboard to introduce her relationship with Kate, she wanted to keep them under wraps for the time being. She sipped at her second coffee of the day, hoping that the caffeine boost would do the necessary. She was ashamed of herself for feeling grateful that William would be with them to reduce the effort and patience she would need to find.

'No, should be my treat, mum. As you quite rightly told me, I've neglected you of late.'

'Yes, but that doesn't mean I expect you to pay. Your company is worth more than money, you know.'

Caroline smiled half-heartedly.

'What's up, Caroline? We don't have to go out if you're too tired.'

'Of course we're going. Sorry for not overflowing with energy. You know how school is when an inspection is looming and on top of that we had a problem with the heating yesterday. Hopefully it'll be fixed before Tuesday or it won't look good when the Inspectors visit. I'm just limping towards the Easter holidays, mum; seven schooldays and counting! On top of everything else, Lawrence is worrying me.'

'What's up with Lawrence?' Celia asked anxiously.

'Since when do you need to ask what's up with that lazy dipstick, Gran?' William joked as he came into the kitchen. 'I'm ready, how about my two favourite ladies!'

'I'll tell you later.' Caroline mouthed silently towards her mother.

Even with Caroline's negativity, their day started well. William suggested looking at a joint exhibition of local artists and poets in Harrogate's main library, to which Caroline and Celia happily agreed. Lunch at an independent pizzeria was Caroline's proposal for lunch, followed by cake at a coffee house. Caroline felt the latter was an overpriced establishment, a case of style over substance, but it seemed only right that they ended up there as it was Celia's favourite. William was becoming bored by this time, so once he had eaten his crème caramel cheesecake he was happy to immerse himself in a book while his mum and Gran chatted over a drink.

It had been years since Caroline's dad had died yet Celia still managed to criticise his behaviour when given an audience and that afternoon was no exception. Having been happily discussing some of the displays they had seen in the library, Celia somehow managed to divert the conversation seamlessly to the fact that her late husband, Kenneth, had failed to provide for her in his private pension and how well she had looked after him as his health deteriorated even though she knew he wouldn't have done the same for her if the tables had been turned. Having heard the same reproaches numerous times, Caroline's mind again drifted off to Kate and she couldn't wait to start heading home where she hoped to have time to wallow in her misery. On the point of switching off altogether she was brought back to attention by another shift in the conversation.

'I've got a pen pal; did William tell you?'

'No.'

'I helped Gran put her details on Facebook.' William also resumed some interest in their conversation.

To say that Caroline was surprised would have been an understatement. Her mother on Facebook! She couldn't believe what she was hearing and looked askance at her son for his part in the process.

'It's a fella I was at school with. Well, he was a lad then, obviously. It's been a trip down memory lane although it's odd because he talks as if he lived in the next street but if he did, then I'm beggared if I can place him. You see he was in my year but not in my form.'

'Gran was in the A stream,' William added proudly.

'Anyway, it's all nowt! This coffee tastes dreadful. I make better cups in my microwave at home.'

'Why don't you ask him for a photo if you can't place him?' Caroline resumed the conversation when they were in the car on the way home, trying desperately to end the day on a positive interaction with her mother.

'She's got one.' William contributed from the back of the Jeep.

'Only on the e mail. People look different when they get older, don't they? Well, men do anyway. Oh, there's John's car.' Celia noticed, before Caroline and William, as they turned into their driveway. 'I wonder what he wants,' she added disdainfully, voicing the thoughts of her companions.

Celia was now on high alert. She knew the damage that John's infidelity had caused but she was suspicious of his actions even before that had come to light and held him in low esteem for his lacklustre efforts in the home. She would have loved to go into the house to see what was going on but knew that she would hear from her daughter soon enough and thought she would be more use back at her flat, as a refuge should there be a need.

'I'm going to the flat to put my mackerel in the fridge. See you later,' she called as she headed to the side of the house.

Caroline and William exchanged confused glances as they entered the house, finding the two conspirators in the lounge. John and Lawrence stood, hands in pockets, looking suspicious and anxious as they heard the key in the door.

'Dad's here,' Lawrence informed them.

'Hello.' John simpered.

'Hello.' Caroline replied cautiously.

'Hi Will.'

'I'm going to my room.' William had not spoken to his father since Christmas and had no wish to do so.

'I let myself in.'

'So I see. I didn't know you had a key.'

'Do you want it back?'

'Either way.' Caroline dismissed the thought with her hand as she flinched inwardly.

'How's your mother?'

'She's fine. Why are you here, John?'

Feeling that she had coped with enough emotional upheaval over recent days, John's appearance was the last thing she needed, and she did not intend to waste time in polite conversation. She judged that he had shown up for a reason and the sooner she knew what it was, the better. The sense of joy that had been hers since the beginning of her friendship with Kate, coupled with love, security and promise from the development of their relationship, had healed the damage John had so recklessly caused and taken her beyond a mundane, routine existence to something quite wonderful. She knew, without doubt, that as her life had changed for the better all living at Conway Drive had benefitted. She saw in his uninvited presence a potential threat to that improvement and didn't intend his visit to last any longer than necessary.

During their brief exchange Lawrence had stood by his father's side. John now asked him to give them some time and the youngster left the lounge, his hopes high of a satisfactory conclusion to the discussion between his parents. Caroline closed the door after him before propping herself up against the sideboard, as John began his tale from the chair opposite her.

'I'm tempted to say that it's a long story, but it isn't really. Turns out Judith is a bit of an alcoholic.'

He continued to go into detail, explaining that he knew Judith enjoyed a drink but hadn't realised the extent of her problem until recently. Caroline initially felt horrified and bored in equal measure as the tale unfolded, with her baser instincts shouting that justice had been served by John facing the turmoil evident in his words. But, they had been together for over twenty years and married for most of that time. To her surprise she began to feel the flames of sympathy and hope developing as she recalled she had not stopped loving him until he had cheated on her. They were not years and emotions so easily forgotten.

'How does this involve me?'

'I've made a terrible mistake, Caroline.'

'Oh, I see. You want to come back.'

'What do you think.'

'I don't know.'

Caroline's last statement was incorrect. She did know what she thought; she felt inexplicably torn, torn between two extremes. She could resume her journey with the feckless, unfaithful man in front of her who was the father of her children, at least one of whom was desperate to have the family whole again, or she could build a future with a woman who loved and respected her, someone she trusted but who wanted something almost impossible to contemplate. Her head seemed about to explode from within as John continued his speech.

'I was dazzled. It's pathetic. Even more so when you see what a sorry, empty-headed mess she…. sorry, you don't want to hear this.'

Caroline was about to comment but he continued in similar vein despite his stated awareness that she didn't want to listen to his feelings about Judith's behaviour.

'And so selfish. You can't imagine it, sorry. I guess I never have, seen it up close, that is. It's only now I realise what a fool I've made of myself and to have thrown away all this with you and the boys. For what? It's appalling. It's abysmal. It's unthinkable.'

Having finished his plea, he did his best to show a beseeching face, one full of despair at his predicament and hope for a welcome response. Caroline had been analysing his words and expressions as he spoke, waiting – hoping – for words of apology, declaration of love or, at the very least, awareness of the effects of his actions on her and the boys. Rather she was presented with a self-centred denunciation of his lover and the wrongs the affair had brought him. Her brain whirled with images of the family on holiday in happier days, the boys laughing while he did something ridiculous just to make them happy. Her logic challenged her to think what his return would mean for the boys; for William and for Lawrence. Lawrence, troubled Lawrence. Then it happened, pieces of the jigsaw fell into place and she smiled, although this was not a reflection of her predominant emotion.

'Have you mentioned this to Lawrence?' She tried to appear relaxed.

'Yes. He knows that I'm unhappy and that I want to make amends.'

'Make amends, John?'

'To you. To the boys. Leaving you was so wrong. It has made all of us unhappy. All that wasted time apart.'

'And you now think that you can come back, and all will be well.' Her polite conversational skills would not survive for very much longer.

'Well, not quite as easily as that. Obviously. But I do think it's for the best. Lawrence has been so unhappy.'

'Do you know what happened on Thursday evening? Did he tell you?'

'He hinted at something. I didn't like to pressure him to tell me the details. He's been hurt enough.'

'Shall we ask him to come in and tell you?'

Lawrence had not been able to keep his antics to himself and he had re-enacted his play acting to his father earlier that afternoon. Caroline guessed that John did know what Lawrence had done and the look on her husband's face confirmed her theory.

'Oh, surely not, Caroline. We can't ask the lad to pour his soul out on demand. That would be totally irresponsible.'

'But it wasn't irresponsible for you to use him to pave the way for your appeal to me? It wasn't irresponsible for you to tell him that you wanted to come back to live here, to get his hopes up and risk having me look like the villain if I didn't accede to your request? Eh?' Sadly, for John, he was not yet alert enough to the fact that he had been caught on the hook of his and his son's making and was about to be landed.

'I was desperate, Caroline. You don't understand how unhappy I am with Judith.'

'She's not fun anymore, then?' Caroline resisted the urge to shout, aware that the boys would hear. Her mind was made up, but she wanted to see John grovel before she delivered her verdict.

'What do you mean? Fun?'

'That's what you told me when you left after I'd asked why. You told me she was fun.'

'I've just said, I was dazzled. It meant nothing. Probably some mid-life crisis or something. I know you'll still be hurting from the humiliation I've caused but living with Judith has caused me humiliation too. It's my fault, I know. I accept that, I do, but now I need to come back. Please, Caroline; let me come home.'

Although longing to continue to string him along, she could no longer cope with the sight of him let alone listen to any more of his rubbish.

'Do you honestly think I give a flying fuck what you need, John? I'll offer you the same amount of respect for your needs as you gave to mine six months ago. Zero. Nothing. Zilch. That's how much the boys and I got from you when you went off with Judith without a backward glance. You don't want to come back here because you want us. You want to come back here because now, to you, THIS grass is greener. But guess what, John? I don't need you to mow my lawn anymore. I'll tell you what's abysmal and appalling and whatever else it was that you just said. You. You're those things and if I could be bothered I'd string together a whole host of other negatives to describe you but you're not worth my time and I certainly haven't got the energy. Just as you've realised Judith is an alcoholic, so I've realised what you are. I trust you're getting the gist here. Move back in if you must, the house is half yours and, legally, there's nothing I can do to stop you. But hear my words, you'll be in the spare room and if you so much as look at me with any degree of intent or even think about crossing the threshold to my bedroom I'll chop your bollocks off and feed them to the birds. Clear? Now, would you like some tea before you go?'


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26

John looked thunderstruck as his wife's words sunk in. His arrogance was such that he had not imagined an outright refusal of his suggestion; in his head the worst-case scenario was that Caroline would ask for time to consider and he had not prepared a plan B. His conscience did trouble him, momentarily, at her condemnation of the way he had involved Lawrence and now he dreaded the aftermath. Still hoping to gain some ground it took him several moments to put words together.

'No room for doubt in those sentiments. I hear you loud and clear.'

'I know you, John. Your imagination runs away with itself and you'd have put your slippers by the bed if there'd been any hint of hesitancy in my words. Believe me, whatever you feel now, the hard conversation is yet to come. Lawrence needs to be told.'

'The thing is, and bear with me on this, I can't go back there. I just can't. Please.'

Their conversation continued for some time and Caroline reluctantly agreed that he could move back in, if everyone was clear that it was a holding arrangement until he found alternative accommodation. Her conditions were that Lawrence would need to be sure on the details, so he did not think that the change meant any more than it did, and John would need to actively look for somewhere else to live. Caroline also insisted that she would be involved in the discussion with their younger son, not trusting John to deliver the news with any degree of honesty, compassion, or common sense.

Once that task had been done John set off for Judith's flat to collect his belongings and Lawrence consoled himself in front of the Xbox, thinking that at least he would be able to stay overnight with his dad once he had found somewhere else to live and in the short-term he would have him back at number 46 and maybe, just maybe, his mum might yet come to her senses. In the meantime, Caroline seized the opportunity to talk to her mum, knowing that her imagination would have been in overdrive since the first sight of John's car.

Celia was at her table, once again on her laptop.

'John's gone. Gone to fetch his things. I've said he can move back in but only in the spare room.'

'Seems a bit easy after all that he's done.' Her lips thin and straight, eyes steely.

'Spare room, mother. I've marked his card and he's under no illusion that it means anything other than putting a roof over his head. Turns out Judith's a bit of an alcoholic.'

'A bit of an alcoholic? No such thing. She is, or she isn't, and I can't believe he's only just realised it. Can't he rent somewhere?'

'That's the plan and if he doesn't put effort into sorting it, I'll do it for him.'

'I'm worried about you. You're an easy target when you're tired and stressed, and he'll soon be after being back in the master bedroom.'

'Don't worry, mum. I've no intention of caving in to his so-called charm. He's tried that already and has been on the receiving end of an Elizabeth Bennett put-down which I don't think he'll forget in a hurry.' Seeing her mum look perplexed she continued, 'As in Pride and Prejudice but with more graphic language than Jane Austen's 'You could not have made me the offer of your hand in any possible way that would have tempted me to accept it.'!'

'Oh yes, but don't forget Darcy eventually turned her around. Perhaps John ought to have my spare room. A few days with me would spur him on to sort out somewhere to rent as well as leave more space for you to be free to see whoever it is that you're seeing.'

Celia looked enquiringly at her daughter, whose jaw dropped, and she swallowed hard before looking away as she replied.

'I don't know what you mean.'

'Don't you? I may not have a black cat or whiskers on my chin, but I don't need witchcraft to decipher the signs.'

Caroline laughed and set out to change the subject and pointed to the laptop.

'Have you asked him for another photo?' She realised her mistake straight away.

'Talking about photos, you were going to show me the photos of the wedding. Just as well I remembered.'

Caroline's phone was on the table in full view and there didn't seem to be any way she could avoid the inevitable. While she had rejected John's plea, her heart was still not beating in time to Kate's dream and she didn't want to declare their relationship to anyone until she was sure they were agreed on a future. While her mother tapped her fingertips on the table Caroline's memory tracked through the wedding photos and, although they would all upset Celia, the main problem was the selfie of her with Kate, taken in the garden at the hotel before the wedding. Certainly, any further attempt to dodge Celia's request would cause more difficulties than it solved, her thoughts concluded.

'Oh, yes. The photos.' She picked up her phone. 'There's only a few, when I can find them. I'll move my chair, so you can see. Ah, here they are.'

Caroline had gone to the second photo of those she had taken, hoping to ensure Celia didn't see the one with Kate. She showed her mother how to scroll through them, which she did without comment until she came to the last one.

'How funny; I'm assuming one is these women is the bride but there doesn't seem to be a photo of the groom.' Celia looked determinedly at her daughter, tilting the phone slightly towards her to show the group photo of Meg and Severine with their parents and Caz.

'That's because there wasn't one. No groom, that is. Same sex marriage has just been made legal there.'

The penny dropped with Celia, who now studied the photo intently, her eyes flicking between the two brides while her brain tried to conjure up the face of the young woman she had seen on the photo with her daughter a quarter of a century ago.

'The taller one is Meg, my friend from Oxford. The one you warned off, if you remember.' Caroline decided to bite the bullet to gain the upper hand and, hopefully, avoid her mother's third-degree. Celia thrust the phone into her daughter's hand just as William knocked and entered.

'Dad's just got back so I sneaked out of the side door to avoid helping him get his bags out of the car. What are you two doing.'

'Your mother was just showing me the photos she took last weekend, at a lesbian wedding.' Celia's sneer was very evident, and she used her fingers to indicate inverted commas around her last two words.

William would always be his mum's protector whoever the foe and he didn't disappoint.

'Yes, isn't it great that some parts of the world are beginning to wake up to equality? Let me see, mum.'

Caroline handed him the phone, knowing that he was quite able to navigate her phone without direction. He looked through them, his face showing the expected disinterest of a teenage boy. He gave a short intake of breath as he placed the phone on the table.

'Not that I know much about what makes a lovely wedding but it's history in the making and I wouldn't turn down a weekend in France with my friends. Has Gran shown you the photo of Alan?'

He deliberately shifted the focus firmly back on Celia, who couldn't help but smile.

'He wants to meet me!'

'Are you going?' Caroline probed politely, her thoughts anything but positive towards her mother.

'No.' The smile faded as quickly as it had appeared.

'Go on, Gran. It will be something different for you to do. You don't need to see him a second time if he's boring, and it will give you a chance to see if you do remember the boy from the next street.'

'I've told him that I'm not available so there's an end to it.' Her abrupt conversation reflected her annoyance at what she saw as Caroline's duplicity.

Knowing that Celia's negativity knew no bounds once it was out of the blocks, her visitors made an easy decision to escape.

'I'd better go and start cooking. Are you joining us as planned?'

'I don't think so. I'll stay here and have my mackerel.'

Caroline and William kissed Celia and said their goodbyes. As they walked back to the main house William put his arm around his mum's shoulders and squeezed.

'I'm glad Kate went with you to the wedding, mum. You could have told me that I was rather late championing her cause!'

Caroline stopped walking and looked questioningly at her son.

'I saw the way you looked at each other yesterday. When I said not to forget that Lawrence and I will be off to Uni soon what I was trying to say, um, you might want to know, ah. I'm happy about the two of you.' He rushed through the last part of his declaration before his courage failed him.

'Supposing if I, err, if we were, would you mind?' The mortification of talking to her teenage son about her relationship echoed his embarrassment.

'Not if she's someone who deserves you. Obviously the same wouldn't be true of Gran.'

'I'm glad you haven't got her bigotry, but you do have her sorcery genes, that's for sure!' She linked arms with her son and they laughed together, while his words set her thoughts racing.

Meanwhile, back at the flat, Celia typed her e mail reply to Alan, saying that she would be happy to meet him for a coffee in Skipton. Afterwards she sat brooding about her daughter, now sure that she was seeing someone and determined to find out the details, convinced and nauseated at the idea that it might be another woman.

ooOoo

John did his best to charm and ingratiate himself in Caroline and William's eyes from the beginning of the next day. He could see that there had been a deepening of the bond between them since he had moved out, so reasoned correctly that William rather than Lawrence might be the key to the advancement of his cause. He set about gaining ground at the earliest opportunity, encountering his older son in the kitchen mid-afternoon.

'How are your A levels going, Will?'

'Fine.'

'I'm happy to help if you need anything.'

'I don't.'

'I see there's a Shakespeare season at the Lowry until June. Shall I try to get tickets for us? It might help you and I'd enjoy it.' John persevered with his charm offensive.

William stopped what he was doing and looked intently at his father. He was nobody's fool and hadn't been taken in for a moment.

'Oh, just stop being a plonker. I know you have no time for Shakespeare and I have no time for you. I've already got tickets for two plays, anyway, with school. Just so you know, I don't want you here, so I'd appreciate you staying out of my way. Stop trying to worm your way into my good books because it's not going to happen. I'll come back later when the kitchen is free.' He returned the milk to the fridge and left the room without a backward glance.

ooOoo

Caroline's phone rang just after they had finished their evening meal. John was clearing the table and the boys had settled down to watch a film. Seeing that the call was from Kate she left the kitchen without making comment. John tried to hide his annoyance that not only was she leaving him to finish the task but also that he would not be able to listen to her conversation. He couldn't remember her ever taking calls in private and wondered about its significance. She rushed to her bedroom and closed the door before accepting the call.

'I was beginning to think that you didn't want to speak to me!' Kate joked.

'As if. How was your weekend?'

'Odd, in a word. It was good to catch up, but I spent most of the time thinking that I was back at school, organising teenagers. Most seem to think that the purpose of the weekend was to recreate the drunken antics of our student days! How about you?'

'Odd here too, to use your word. It seems like we'll have loads to talk about.'

'Do you realise that it's the longest we've gone without talking since I was in America? I didn't call for a chat now as I don't like to disturb you and the boys on a Sunday evening, but I wanted to tell you I was back home safely. I know what a worrier you are.'

Caroline smiled at Kate's observation. While not normally someone who imagined problems, she was quite different where Kate was concerned.

'Thank you! And I know that you'll be tired, after what sounds like a trying weekend.'

'More wired than tired so I'm going to have a soak in the bath. Care to join me?!'

Caroline quickly considered the invitation, even though she knew it had been said in jest and wondered how this would go down with John. He was sure to suspect something if she went out just after receiving a call but, on the other hand, she owed no consideration to his feelings and did it matter if he linked the call to her going out?

'I do care to, definitely. I'll just check that the boys are ok and I'll be over. I won't stay for long, but it would be good to see you.' She smiled as she spoke, her pulse quickening as it always did at the thought of seeing Kate.

'I wasn't expecting that response. Maybe I should go away more often.' Kate was astonished and pleased at Caroline's acceptance and took it as being a positive sign.

'Just one thing, Kate, I haven't reached a decision yet. About the future, the baby. Am I still welcome?'

Silence reigned for several seconds, as Kate absorbed the news, her hopes having been raised and she mentally kicked herself for jumping to the wrong conclusion.

'I understand. You need time and it's only been, what, less than three days. Of course, you're still welcome. Always.'

'I'll be there, then. As soon as I can for as long as I can. See you soon.'

'Ok. Bye.'

Caroline wasted no time in getting ready to go out. She didn't change but did put on some lippy and brushed her hair. She slipped her shoes and coat on before putting her head around the lounge door. John had joined the boys there, wine glass in hand and an almost empty bottle close by on the coffee table. She'd had less than half a glass with her meal, making a conscious effort not to match John's intake. The sight before her did not bode well for the state he would be in when she returned.

'I'm going to see a friend. You can get me on my mobile if I'm needed. Boys, both of you to shower when the film finishes and pack your school bags ready for the morning. Your rugby kit is clean in the airing cupboard, Lawrence. See you later.' With that she was gone, not giving John anytime to question or object although it was enough to increase the twitching of his antennae.

As she drove off Caroline realised how much the thought of seeing Kate had lifted her spirits, which had started the weekend at a low ebb and plummeted to new depths with John's return. Manoeuvring in the driveway, and only being used to having one other car there since John moved out, her preoccupation meant that she did not notice the absence of her mother's BMW. The Jeep pulled out of the driveway as Celia was approaching from about fifty yards away, returning from filling up with petrol so her car was ready for the trip to see Alan the following morning. Caroline was not alert enough to realise; unlike her mother, who made a split-second decision to follow from a distance.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

As the front door shut, John put his empty glass down on the table. Not one who would usually be able to see further than the end of his own nose, something began to gnaw at his understanding. Judith's reaction to his leaving had verged on threatening, but she had laughed when he told her what Caroline had said, a huge guffaw driving the venom from her reaction.

'You expected her to take you back with open arms. You stupid bugger! You were thinking that she'd just been sitting at home, nursing her bruised heart while you were here with me! What a typical, misogynistic belief. That's so funny!'

'What do you mean?' John asked, annoyed at the accuracy of her insight.

'She's moved on, John. That's obvious. She's found someone else. I mean, well, look at yourself; you're not exactly God's gift, are you? She's probably been sampling the options available and she's now secretly grateful that you gave her the opportunity to have her taste buds tickled by someone rather more adept.'

'Caroline wouldn't. I can assure you, I never left her wanting more. I mean, she was heartbroken when I left.'

'Yes, when you left. She's had six months to realise you aren't worth pining for. Six months of freedom to cast her net!'

Until he left the grimy, untidy flat John had continued to contest Judith's suggestions, sure that his wife would not have got over him so quickly. Now, recalling twenty-four hours of events and conversations with Caroline, the tide began to ebb. There was something that she had said that he thought was just imagery at the time but now, following the secrecy of the phone call and going out soon afterwards, he wondered if there wasn't more to it. His hand shook as he refilled his glass with the last of the wine.

'I don't need you to mow my lawn anymore.'

He's missed the relevance completely at the time but now he knew with certainty that this was an admission, a boast almost, of Caroline having someone else. Repeating them within his head, the words changed their meaning, albeit slightly, with the change of emphasis on certain words. Caroline had put the weight on the word 'you'. She didn't need him because someone else was doing the deed, and she hadn't been talking about cutting the grass. The only viable conclusion was that she hadn't refused his overture for any other reason than she was being unfaithful. He was going to be kicked out of his house again so that she could move her lover in. His angst demanded more liquid solace and disappointment greeted him there too, an empty glass and bottle mocking his need.

Whether he would admit it or not, his time with Judith had aggravated an already unhealthy habit of drinking his woes away. He was not, yet, in the same league as his ex-lover but his tendency to grant himself what he deemed a just reward at the end of each day was fast deteriorating into a dangerous reliability and he headed back to the kitchen for a further supply. He checked through the bottles in the rack, pleased to see that in his absence his wife had kept it well-stocked. He had never been particularly fussy and took an identical red to the one he had just finished, for the simple reason that he hoped it might hide the fact that he had started another bottle. He was rooting around in the drawer for the corkscrew when Lawrence joined him.

'Hi Popsicle. Will's just paused the film while I get some nibbles. Want some?' he questioned as he opened the snack cupboard.

'No thanks. I'm still stuffed from dinner but I'm just getting a drink.'

John watched as Lawrence chose a couple of packs of snacks and some chocolate bars.

'I guess growing lads need plenty of goodies, but I bet your mum doesn't let you have so much.'

'Ah, but she's not here and you're not miserable enough to deny a craving!' he chuckled as he pointed to the bottle.

'Touché! Mum go out often while I've been away?' he questioned, the way he referred to his absence suggested a short business trip rather than an affair.

'Yeah, loads. Sometimes Will was meant to be in charge and sometimes Gran but they were often at the flat together, so I had freedom to munch to my heart's content!'

'Where did she used to go?' John had lost interest in the looking for the corkscrew and sat at the breakfast bar.

'Oh, that thing where you need a mat and pretend its exercise. I know, Pilates. I think she goes with a friend.'

'Oh, and does this friend have a name?'

'No idea and haven't asked. I thought Pilates was meant to help you chill as well as tone you up, so she needs to ask for a refund; it ain't working.' Lawrence was getting tired of chatting as it was keeping him from his film, but his dad always treated him like an adult, which he appreciated, so he joined him at the breakfast bar and popped open a bag of breadsticks. He offered them to his dad, who took one absent-mindedly.

John ignored his son's poor grammar, knowing that it was important to keep him talking.

'It's good for her to go out. Is it always on a Sunday?'

'Oh, yeah, it's Sunday today. Nah, that's not Pilates. That's a Thursday as it's the night when Flash is on tv.'

'Lawrence!' William called from the end of the hallway.

'Better go, dad. The Pussy is after his share of the snacks.'

ooOoo

Celia continued to follow at a distance, smiling at her own audacity while wondering what she would do when Caroline reached her journey's end. Her courage did not extend into driving at night, newly developing cataracts causing oncoming headlights to dazzle, and she hoped that they would remain within well-lit, built-up areas. The confidence with which Caroline negotiated the junctions convinced her mother that it was a journey she had driven before. As the route took them off the main roads and began to wind through a residential part of Harrogate that she did not know, Celia surmised correctly that they were nearing their destination. The Jeep eventually slowed before pulling across the road and parking against the opposite kerb. Celia stayed on the correct side of the road, a safe distance away, continuing to watch as her daughter climbed out of the car and pushed open a small gate before disappearing from her view.

Celia turned off her ignition and lights while she looked around. Her assessment was that the road seemed pleasant enough, although she was aware low light could cover a multitude of sins. The gates to the houses were well spaced, suggesting reasonably sized gardens if not properties. But she was an older woman driving alone and for the first time since she started to follow her daughter Celia realised the foolishness of her actions. Knowing deep down that she had never had any intention of ambushing her daughter she decided to make the best of a bad job and return when Caroline would be at school. If nothing else, a stroll along the road might provide an opportunity to pick up gossip from a neighbour of whoever owned the house. Then, suddenly, reality hit; it was already dark, with the engine off she was beginning to feel cold and she had no idea how to get back to Conway Drive. More significantly, time was not on her side; she regretted not using the bathroom before heading out for petrol.

ooOoo

'Not in the bath yet then?' Caroline commented as she briefly and dutifully returned Kate's hug.

'Well, I was going to but thought you might be upset at being left waiting on the doorstep. Anyway, I am still savouring a very palatable ice-cold lager. Want to share what's left?'

'Lager? Since when would you drink that at home? Or out, come to that?'

'That is what comes of spending the weekend with drunken reprobates who initiate a resumption of dormant habits. Weak, cheap lager was my drink of choice twenty-five years ago and I'd forgotten how good it can taste! The lovely Greg had some for us to share in the hotel and I brought a bottle home with me.'

'Well, not for me, thanks. I have had half a glass of red and can't drink any more as I'm driving. Shall we sit down?' The lack of warmth in her words matched her body language as she began drowning in the wave of jealousy generated by the affectionate mention of this 'Greg' person. Her imagination fixated on the image of Kate sharing lager with him in the hotel and she shook her head to deter the vision.

'That's rather formal. Are you ok?'

They sat at either end of the sofa and Kate put her glass down on the coffee table; the drink's appeal having evaporated. Caroline didn't make any attempt to respond to the question and Kate began to wonder what had changed since the phone call. She looked on bewildered, noticing a drawn look on Caroline's face for the first time. Perhaps she had decided about their future during the drive and was working out how to break the news.

'What is up, Caroline?' Harshly spoken and terse, her words aimed to challenge. Kindness remained her dominant characteristic, but a shell of self-preservation had begun to form over recent days as she prepared to receive Caroline's decision. She was not just going to sit back and wait for her fate to be announced.

'John's moved back in.'

Nothing had prepared Kate for such an emotional bombshell and her fledgling steeliness yielded under its first challenge. The words to her reply formed almost without conscious contribution, her face telegraphing devastation to even the most casual of observer.

'Goodness. What exactly does that mean?'

'Oh Kate, please don't look at me like that. It's only until he finds somewhere else to live. Judith's an alcoholic. That's why I agreed. He's been contriving with Lawrence to get back with me and I can't bear the sight of him; John, not Lawrence, obviously.' Caroline put out her hand to reassure Kate, the first touch she had initiated since her arrival.

'Well, that's not a surprise but it can't be easy having him back under the same roof. No wonder you seem drawn.'

As the conversation continued Caroline started to gain benefit from Kate's listening ear. She knew that she consistently received far more from Kate than she gave, and this had been one of the first things she had appreciated from their friendship. Kate's seemingly boundless empathy had never failed to support and at a time when anyone else would consider how the weekend's events might affect their own future, here Kate was, propping her up – again. Caroline paused for breath, trying valiantly to remain focused, as her thoughts continued their rampaging challenge to bring her to the realisation that, whatever the consequences, she could not contemplate a future without this wonderful woman.

'My worry is not that he's back at number 46 but more that I think he'll soon ask me to sell it, so he can have his half of the money. I couldn't bear to part with it, Kate. I couldn't.'

'Well, that's not someth..'

Her words were cut off as Caroline talked over her, words tumbling from her lips.

'And if that's not enough, I know that I can't bear to consider a future without you. You've been away two days and that's been purgatory. Now you tell me that your weekend's been spent with someone you think is lovely, so this insane jealousy is pecking away at me. AND on top of all that, on top of everything else that's doing its absolute fucking best to derail my existence, my mother knows I am seeing someone and although she's tried to be clever, I know she's been following me since I left home tonight. She's now parked a few yards up the road and it wouldn't surprise me if there was a knock on your door any minute.'


	28. Chapter 28

A/N Sorry for taking so long to get this chapter down!

Chapter 28

Kate listened and watched as Caroline proceeded to catalogue her woes, her face reflecting the turmoil created by what, in her mind, were insurmountable predicaments. Kate picked up her glass of lager and took a few sips, before responding, struggling to take it all as seriously as she knew was expected of her.

'Wow! There's lots there for me to take in. No wonder you said you'd had an odd weekend. I can see how much this is panicking you. Let's break it down into manageable pieces and solve the issues one at a time'.

'What do you mean?' The off-load to Kate had been done without any expectation of benefit other than that of sharing the burden.

'Come here!' Kate opened her arms, drawing her distraught friend into them, lightly kissing the top of her blonde hair as she smiled, unable to supress the mental picture of Celia, this formidable woman she had never met, lying in wait in the bushes with binoculars and a camera.

'It's like you would tell anyone dealing with a problem that they don't know how to solve. Just like you might do with a chemical equation. Look at what you do know and use that as a foundation for working out the answer.'

'If you say so.' Caroline's response was hardly encouraging but Kate pressed on.

'So, what's the worst thing? I'm assuming your mother knocking on the door is your most pressing concern at this moment in time, so I suggest we look at that. Firstly, without a shadow of a doubt, if she has followed you here then the guilt is most definitely hers and not yours. After all, why shouldn't you be here with me, whether we're in a relationship or friendship, enjoying each other's company? Neither is illegal or any of her business, come to that, whatever she might think, and her opinions don't justify her actions.'

Caroline lifted her head from Kate's shoulder.

'You don't know my mother. She makes everything her business. I didn't notice her at first, when I left home. I was coming up to that junction just after Waitrose and I happened to look in my rear-view mirror as I pulled into the lane to turn right and I noticed the car as it was like my mother's. It was like a sixth sense kicked in and I started to check behind me at every turn and realised this car only indicated after I did. There was very little traffic about, so it wasn't hard to keep track. The car was still behind me as I came into your road, it slowed as I did and then stopped. I deliberately drove a few yards past your gate so I had to walk back this way and have a chance to see who was driving. There she was, bold as brass and twice as ugly, parked under a street light so I could see her and the registration plate quite clearly. She'll be out there now, biding her time. Probably looking at your windows, waiting for the upstairs lights to go on before she pounces.'

Kate couldn't help but smile and determined to stop pussy-footing about with her advice.

'Then let her, Caroline. Let her make a fool of herself. Let her show herself up as being unreasonable and controlling. You're a grown woman, for Heaven's sake. I understand why you didn't stand up to her when you were nineteen. I do. But now, it's different. I can't believe that you can't see that this is an ideal opportunity to call her bullying and bigotry out for what it is. Are you going to look back in another twenty-five years and have yet more regrets to keep you awake at night? Now is the time to make decisions based on what you want, and not through fear of her response – or anyone else's come to that.'

'Strange that you should say that. William knows about you. Us, that is.'

'Oh! And?'

'He says as long as you're someone who deserves me, it's ok.'

'Oh, no pressure there then! How did he know? Did you tell him?'

'No, nothing like that. He'd already said something to me; Friday it was, as we drove home. I didn't understand what he meant at the time but then yesterday he saw the photos from the wedding and explained that he'd noticed how we looked at each other.'

They exchanged the same look there and then; the lock of eyes, tender smiles on faces. Mutual adoration radiated from each one to the other as a sense of belonging clothed them.

'Greg is lovely but you, my darling, are magnificent and the two do not, cannot and never will compare.' Kate declared as she cradled her lover's face in her hands.

'That's me told.'

'Yes, that's you told. Now, what do you want to do about your mother? For what it's worth, I think you should invite her in for a cuppa.' Seeing the incredulous look that was the reply, she continued. 'Seriously. Take the initiative. I think I'd quite like to see her squirm and it is probably time that I met her.'

ooOoo

Meanwhile in her car, Celia concluded that she needed to act and thought a starting point would be to find out where she was. There being nobody walking about she felt that it was safe enough to unlock the car doors and walk back to the junction to establish her whereabouts. She didn't recall seeing a local shop, pub or garage where she might find directions, but it would give her the opportunity to check for signs of life on the adjoining road at the same time. Having recently watched a programme on television about muggers picking on people who looked vulnerable she walked as upright and as positively as she could, leaving her handbag tucked out of the way under her seat. She was out of luck, seeing no sign of life or anywhere to seek help. Once back at the car she pushed the seat backwards and bent down to retrieve a pen from her bag to write down the road names she had seen on the signs, thinking that she might chance a phone call to William to ask if he could help. While so doing the passenger door opened and she jerked upright, banging her head on the dashboard. She screamed but more from fright than pain.

'This is a nice neighbourhood, mother. Please don't cause a disturbance.' Caroline's confidence was in her boots, but she was hoping to give the opposition impression. The car interior's dim light shadowed the anguished expression on her mother's face.

'Caroline! What are you doing here?' The words spluttered out as Celia rubbed the right side of her head where she could feel a slight lump forming.

'That's funny, I was just about to ask you the same. Mind you, I know the answer to my question, so I'll ask another. Care to explain yourself?' Caroline slid onto the passenger seat as she spoke.

'Should have known better than to expect any sympathy from you.'

'Tell you what, I'll give you the same level of sympathy that you are giving to my privacy. You followed me and now you've been caught so, yes, I am a little short on sympathy at this moment in time.'

'Followed you? Whatever gave you that idea? I went out to fill the car up and got lost and then I saw your car, so I was just …'

'STOP. Stop lying, mother.' Caroline smacked both hands down on her lap as she spoke, the resulting noise appearing louder because of the confined space. 'If that was the case you would have called out to me as soon as we parked up. Instead you've been sat out here for nearly half an hour, probably working out the next bit of your strategy. Anyway, my friend Kate wonders if you'd like to come in for a cuppa.'

'Is that her name?'

'No, her real name's Zanzibar Buck Buck McFate; I just call her Kate cos it's easier. Yes, her name's Kate. She's a teacher from school. Kate McKenzie.'

'Oh, is she Scottish?'

'No, she's Nigerian. She is Nigerian, that's not just me being sarcastic. Look, do you want to come in and meet her or do you want me to give you directions to get home?'

Celia's bladder made the decision, a sensation of fulness reminding her that she was unlikely to make the journey to Conway Drive without mishap.

'Yes, please but only if I can use her toilet before I have that cuppa.'

ooOoo

After his conversation with Lawrence John decided against starting another bottle of wine, realising that he needed a sharp focus to divide the truth from illusion. Caroline had said it herself, his imagination tended to run away with itself, which was helpful as an author trying to develop a plot, but not necessarily beneficial in the real world. He soon realised that he was woefully short on facts and, if it had not been for Judith's opinion, he doubted he would have come to the same conclusion. The only suggestion of his wife having an affair was the fact that she took a phone call in private and went out shortly afterwards.

He could not think of the names of anyone in Harrogate whom Caroline might call a friend, so he wondered where she might have gone. He doubted she would have driven far. There were people from Sulgrave and the University that they socialised with together, on very rare occasions, but otherwise he couldn't think of anyone. So, one conclusion might be that this was a friend that she had made since he left her and, he supposed, this might be understandable. Her mother was supportive but unlikely to be a positive influence where marital disharmony was concerned. He decided to walk round to his mother-in-law's flat on some pretext and try some gentle questioning. If nothing else, this might help to mend the bridges between them that had never been robust and had almost certainly been destroyed by his behaviour.

It was not to be. Celia's car was not on the driveway – rather oddly as she never went out in the dark – and her flat was unoccupied. Frustrated at the thwarting of his purpose, he stood in the garden and took a few puffs on a cigarette, careful to make sure that the boys could not see him from the house if they happened to look outside. It had been years since he had smoked but he found an occasional cigarette had helped him cope with the stress of the last few months, especially Judith's increasingly unpredictable outbursts. He walked up and down the driveway, kicking the stones around, until the coolness of the evening directed his footsteps back inside.

The boys had finished watching the film and they were arguing who should take the first shower. He intervened, deliberately picking Lawrence as he wanted another try at a conversation with his elder son.

'Good film?' He queried after Lawrence had stormed up the stairs.

'OK-ish. More Lawrence's thing than mine but it wasn't the worst he's ever chosen.'

'Oh, that's good. I'm just going to clean my shoes for tomorrow. Do yours need doing?'

Although he did not want any contact with his dad, he decided that he might as well take him up on the offer. It was something that his mum always insisted that the boys do themselves and he disliked the chore intensely.

'If you're offering. I'll get them. Lawrence's too?'

'Yes, of course, if he hasn't done them. Don't worry, I won't tell your mum.'

'You can if you like. Anyway, she may be back any minute and could well catch you doing them.'

'Your Gran's out somewhere too; did you know? I'm worried about her.' John was encouraged by their interaction to do a little lying and prying.

William looked towards the kitchen window, as if this would give him an indication of his grandmother's whereabouts.

'That's odd. She never goes out after dark. Perhaps she's with mum.'

'Maybe but unlikely as both their cars are gone. Anyway, your mum said she was meeting a friend. It's good that she's had someone to support her while I was away being an idiot.'

Surprisingly for someone usually so blinkered, John picked up on the distant look that came over his son's face and ploughed on with his fake contrition and strategy.

'Whatever you think of me, and I understand your anger, William, I am sorry about what I did and how I did it. I just want to make things right again and be the man that you all deserve so perhaps you can give me some advice. I don't want your mum to think that I'm checking up on her, but should I ring her and say we're worried about Celia. If I don't and something has happened I don't want to be in the wrong for not alerting her sooner.'

William's concern for his Gran overrode any derision he felt for his dad and he agreed with his logic.

'Yes, I think you're right. I'm sure she won't mind being disturbed. As I said, I think she'll be heading home from Kate's soon anyway. Perhaps I should ring, though, not you.'

John was happy with this decision and what the conversation had achieved. He whistled as he brushed the boys' shoes with vigour, feeling sure that he would sleep more easily now that he knew his wife was not out with another man. As he thought, Judith's conclusion was nothing more than her aggravation and disappointment talking, and there was no love interest standing in his way of a reconciliation. Caroline had obviously been trying to make him jealous when she had knocked him back. All he needed to do was to lie low, bide his time and wait for an opportunity.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Having left Kate's front door on the latch as she went outside to confront her mother, Caroline let them both in without delay and directed Celia to the upstairs bathroom.

'Second door on the left, mum. I'll see if Kate's put the kettle on.'

Celia walked briskly upstairs but, deliberately hesitating on the landing, was rewarded to hear a door being closed on voices that became muffled. Deciding to chance her arm she thought that she had time for a little investigation. A neatly arranged airing cupboard was behind the first door on the right, followed by what she was looking for – the master bedroom. The light from the hallway was enough to show some of what appeared to be a tastefully decorated room. Hoping to find that there were no squeaky floorboards, she carefully placed one foot in front of the other until she stood in front of a small console table just inside the door. There, in pride of place amongst candles, and an intricate metal basket containing keys, was a small, silver-framed photograph of her daughter with another woman; their heads nestled together with happiness radiating from every part of their faces. Caroline was in the same outfit she had worn to the French wedding and Celia was in no doubt that she was standing in the house of the second person in the photo. Her daughter's failure to mention going to the wedding with someone was significant, she concluded, and together with the closeness suggested by the photograph, this could only mean one thing. Would a friend from school have a photo of the two of them in pride of place in the intimacy of her bedroom? No, most definitely not. Celia's blood ran cold as she replaced the frame carelessly before leaving the room.

ooOoo

Meanwhile in the kitchen Caroline recounted a summary of the conversation with her mother, her pride in taking charge of the situation evident in every word.

'Well done, you!' Kate praised. 'That's the way to stand up to bullies, whoever they are. Carry on just like that and you'll begin to believe in your own strength. Do you want a cuppa too?' She filled the kettle as she spoke.

'Tea please, Kate. I'd like to have a stiff drink instead, but a cuppa will have to do. Mum will probably want coffee rather than tea. She's been advised to watch her caffeine intake, but the GP is another one who quakes in her presence and knows full well that she doesn't ignore his advice; she just doesn't listen in the first place!'

'I'm pleased to see that you're more cheerful than you were earlier. I'd hate to think that I bring more stress than benefit to your life.'

Caroline closed the distance between them and, without touching, leaned forward to kiss Kate with a hungry mouth.

'There's no doubt that my life is rather more um, shall we say adventurous, since I first saw you.'

'Since you _first_ saw me?' Kate queried mischievously as she cuddled into welcoming arms.

'Yes, just about. As you well know! I didn't tell you, I dreamed last night that we hadn't met. The day you came for interview Gavin decided that we would not wait, and you turned up after we'd left and stood forlornly in the school car park. I woke up in a cold sweat.'

'Oh, that will be your age. Pre-menopausal!' Kate pulled away from her lover to take mugs from the cupboard, conscious that Celia could join them at any minute and not wishing to cause embarrassment.

'Oh, thanks. Make a girl feel better, why don't you?'

Kate reached across the distance between them and ran her fingers along Caroline's lower left arm and stroked her hand. Looking over Caroline's shoulder just as the kitchen door opened she turned her attention to her visitor.

'Oh, hello. Come in, please. I've got the kettle on.'

'As it seems my daughter is not going to introduce us in any proper fashion, I'll assume you are Kate and you know full well who I am. Nothing for me, thanks. My doctor says I shouldn't have caffeine, especially at this time of night. I'm ready to go whenever Caroline sees fit to help me get home. I've got a busy day tomorrow.'

'Mum! That's rude.'

'I'm just going to close the curtains, if you'll excuse me. Be back in a minute.' Kate made her excuse to leave, feeling that it might be help both mother and daughter to say what was on their minds, which they did the moment she left them together.

'How dare you come in here and speak like that in front of someone who has tried to welcome you into her home. I wouldn't expect the boys to be so rude and you certainly know better.'

'I don't want to be here and now I've used the toilet, there's no reason for me to stay. I'll wait in the car if that's easier for you.'

'I didn't want you to be here either, but I certainly don't want you to wait in the car!'

'Are you sure? You said yourself that it was Kate's idea to invite me in. I'm quite happy to wait outside even though it's starting to get cold. No matter. I'm sure my needs and health are not high on the list of your priorities.'

'Have I missed something?'

'Oh, no. You have not missed a trick. Obviously. It's me that's missed something. Well, quite a lot, actually.'

'Mum, is it the bump on your head that's set this off? Seriously. Whatever's come over you. And please don't shout at me.'

'Shout at you? Who's shouting? I'm just making my point.'

'But why with increasing volume, rudeness and antagonism? What's brought this on? It's not like you. You've been to enough school functions for me to know how you react to staff, governors and the like and you know as well as I do that you're normally charm personified. You're a guest in Kate's house. The least you could do is extend her the courtesy of politeness. What's she done to you?'

'What's she done to you is the more relevant question. Turned your head, has she, like that girl at University? Turned my stomach when I saw her touch you.'

She was so caught up in their emotional sparring that Celia did not realise Kate had returned and was standing just inside the kitchen door.

'Sorry?' Caroline queried.

'A friend from school, I thought she was. Well, it's obvious that she wants to be more than that. Perhaps she's after a promotion. You'd better be careful or she'll turn it around and accuse you of sexual harassment. A dirty weekend away in France sealed the deal, I'm guessing, under the pretext of attending the wedding. I suppose she came in handy if it was a criterion that guests had to be batting for the other side. No wonder John left you. I never thought I'd say it, but I feel sorry for him, caught up in a nightmare with someone who turns on the charm with the same sex when she's a mind. No wonder he had to seek comfort elsewhere. Well, assuming he doesn't know what you're up to, I hope you'll come to your senses in time.'

'Kate's a friend, mum and, God knows, I was grateful for her support when he left me.'

As she spoke Caroline was looking over her mother's shoulder and caught a transient look of hurt as it flitted across Kate's face. She realised immediately how her words must have wounded, as she denied any hint of closeness or relationship and her own heart ached in tandem. Then, call it what you will. A lightbulb moment. Revelation. Reality check. Epiphany. As Celia droned on her argument went unheard as her daughter focused on the conversation with Kate and her challenge of a short while earlier.

'But now it's different.' Those were the words that triggered her response.

'You're right, mum. I do need to come to my senses. I'm in real danger of losing the most amazing person and it's time to stop messing around. It's frightening how easily you can lose sight of what's important. John and I need to sit down and talk things through, so he knows how I feel and we can start to plan the future.'

Celia breathed out quite audibly and a smile formed for the first time since she entered the house.

'Time to head home, then. Don't make it too easy for him. I'd make him stay in the spare room a little longer.'

'I don't know what you're talking about, mum, but you've obviously misunderstood me. You're right about one thing though. Kate and I are more than friends, although it started off that way, and she's the one with whom I'll be spending my future. No question. I'm not ready to leave here yet so unless you've changed your mind about having a drink, I'll come outside with you and point you in the general direction of Conway Drive. But it's a shame you're not staying. Kate makes the most wonderful lemon drizzle cake and I'm sure you would have enjoyed a slice with a proper coffee.'

ooOoo

'All sorted for tomorrow, Lawrence?'

'Popsicle!' Lawrence called out as his dad stood at his bedroom door. 'It's good to have you here. Mum home yet?'

'Not yet. William says she won't be long. He mentioned that she's with someone called Kate. Know who that is?'

'Surely not McKenzie? She's a bloody muff muncher.'

'Lawrence!'

'Well, she is. I told you about her, but you've probably forgotten. She's my form tutor. Whatever does mum want with her? They'd better not be discussing me!'

'I'm sure they're not. Don't worry about it. Time for lights out and dreams now.'

'Bloody nightmare, more like. Makes me shudder. If the guys at school find out that mum's spending time with McKenzie they're sure to make a big deal of it. The last thing I want is for them to think I'm a dyke's son.'

'Enough, Lawrence. Your mum's no dy... lesbian. Trust me on that one.'

ooOoo

'Are you sure your mum hasn't gone straight to John with the news? How long are you staying before you head home to find out?' Kate asked as she poured the tea.

'I don't care either way and as long as it takes, Kate.'

'As long as what takes?'

'If you really must ask, I'll explain. I'm not sure how much detail you need so, in summary, as long as it takes for me to take your hand, lead you up the stairs and for us to make love.'

Kate smiled and shook her head.

'We've got tea to drink.'

'With all due respect, Kate, get your priorities right!'


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

'I think it's going to take some adjustment for me to get used to the new you. I'm a bit bewildered by it all, though.' Kate took the proffered hand loosely in her own.

'What's to bewilder? I've stood up to my mum and told her about you. I thought you'd be pleased, and relieved.' Caroline was a bit taken aback as she found herself being led to the lounge and not the stairs.

'Let's drink the tea and talk for a minute.' Kate explained.

Her emotions were in turmoil. Yes, she was more than pleased at the way Caroline had addressed Celia's bigotry and bullying but, as far as she knew, Caroline had still not decided about the contentious issue of her wish to have a baby. Neither of them had mentioned the topic for some days and a little doubt pecked at her brain, saying that Caroline was hoping she'd done enough with her boldness in front of Celia to make Kate feel it was unfair to ask for any further commitment. As much as she tried to rid herself of such harsh criticism about someone she adored and respected, the idea not only persisted but began to grow into fact.

For Caroline's part, her emotions were also in full flood after what she saw as a successful conclusion of the evening's events, and she was struggling to think of anything but a quick celebration with a naked Kate. Feeling ashamed of herself as she knew Kate's wish to talk deserved better attention, she too was unsuccessful in ridding her mind of certain thoughts. She wasn't totally oblivious to the signs, however, and sensed that there must be something seriously troubling Kate, who chose to occupy a small chair in her lounge, rather than on the sofa, so Caroline found herself forced to sit apart. She accidentally knocked her handbag and its contents onto the floor as she placed her mug of tea on the table and consequently noticed her mobile was flashing.

'Excuse me, Kate. I need to just check this. Oh, missed call from William about half an hour ago and then a text.'

'Is he ok?' Kate asked, concerned despite her emotional turmoil.

Caroline read the message and laughed. 'Apparently, William and John were concerned that my mother wasn't home as she doesn't normally go out after dark!'

'Do you need to ring or text him back?'

'No, that's fine. I need to talk to you first, Kate.' She put the phone back in her messenger bag to confirm that the conversation had her full attention. 'I think we're both bewildered, to be honest. I'd like to say for my part, and please don't be cross, that I'm struggling to understand the barrier of formality and distance that's come between us in the last few minutes. I thought you'd be more than pleased at the way I dealt with my mum. The look in your eyes says quite the opposite.'

Kate placed her hands underneath her thighs, sensing they were trembling and wanting to hide the fact. For all that was between them she was anxious not to appear fragile.

'It's all a bit sudden, that's all. I didn't think we were ready to go public yet, least not until we'd settled things between us.'

'Settled things? I don't follow. I thought that's what you wanted. Us, that is.'

'Yes, it is, and I said I'd give you time, but you've not given me an answer about the baby, about having a child. Me, having a child. We haven't discussed it again and it's just like you've set us on this course now, with your mum knowing and she'll, well, she'll probably tell everyone. Then, if we don't agree about what the future holds, it could make things very awkward for you and for me, especially at school, with the boys.' Kate sensed that she was failing in her attempts to remain strong and determined, tripping over her words despite her best efforts.

'Oh, don't fret about her telling anyone, Kate. She won't sully her lips to let that information out and certainly not to the boys. Believe me.' Caroline's quick response failed to address the real issue.

'Well, alright, but it's still a bit cart before the horse, if you were to ask me, which you didn't. Plus, your answer to my concern doesn't exactly shriek commitment.' Kate found a sudden supply of courage although it made her sound more belligerent than she intended.

' _Your_ mum knows.' Caroline sensed her hackles rise. She knew she was becoming defensive, aware that what Kate was saying was correct even though she felt her attitude was unnecessarily hostile. Uncaringly and desperate, not knowing what to say or do to get out of her predicament, she resorted to trying to turn the tables and put Kate's behaviour under the spotlight. She wanted to avoid baby talk as she feared it might result in causing pain to them both, but her substitute response had the same effect. 'So, it's alright for you but not for me, is that it? I've put a lot on the line for you.'

'Now who's being distant? For me? Not for us?'

'Don't split hairs, Kate. You know what I mean.' Her go-to reaction to demanding situations in her private life was often to run or, at the very least, to erect barriers. Her head was suddenly overwhelmed by the multitude of serious decisions that were heading her way, even without adding a baby to the mix. John would be likely to ask that the house be sold if he knew she was in a relationship and she hated the thought of living anywhere else. 'I love you, you know.'

'I know you do. As I do you, but is that enough? Obviously, having a baby is a huge decision and I wouldn't want to do it on my own, but neither would I want you to be anything less than fully committed. I'm so sorry, Caroline.' As if for the first time she sensed the magnitude of what she was asking and once again her manner changed abruptly.

'It's my intransigence that's built an obstacle on the road. Again. So why should you be sorry?' Caroline followed Kate's example in taking a step back from confrontation.

'For asking such a massive thing of you.' Kate looked at her watch. 'Look, I'm conscious of the time. Had you better ring William before they send a search party out for you too?'

'No, I'll just head home in a bit. He might be in bed already and I try to persuade them not to use phones at this time of day. Sit with me. Please.'

Kate had been struggling to make eye contact, but she did so now. Bright ultramarine eyes looked her way and she was surprised to see them glint with moisture. A deep sadness etched the face she loved so much and, unable to resist such a heartfelt plea, she moved to fill the arms that lifted to envelop her.

'I bet you rue the day that we met. You'll be wishing that dream was real and you didn't wait around for me to turn up for the interview!' she whispered.

'NO way, Kate.' She held her even tighter to give and receive comfort, all thoughts of sex having long-since evaporated. They stayed entwined for some minutes, but Caroline knew she really did have to head home. 'I should go. I'm sorry about that. It's always an hour here and there, so very rarely quality time.' She felt Kate nod as she kissed her left cheek before leaving the room and the cottage without another word. Kate remained motionless, head bowed while tears fell silently onto her lap. She looked at her watch again and calculating that her mum would be available, she reached for her laptop.

ooOoo

'I'm sorry I had to contact you last night, mum. I hope you didn't mind.' William queried as he rummaged in the cupboard to find his favourite cereal. 'Damn! Lawrence must have taken the last of the Crunchy Nut flakes.'

'Shall we just say that it was an interesting evening, William. I'm sorry I didn't get back to you, but I knew your Gran would have had time to get home by the time I saw your message.'

Bafflement at his mum's response joined his look of annoyance. 'Were you with her then?'

'Shall we just say that we bumped into each other. Look in the big pantry cupboard. I'm sure there's another box.' Caroline ruffled the teenager's hair as she left the kitchen to give her younger son another call. Returning to the kitchen she resumed the conversation without missing a beat. 'To be honest, your Gran turned up at Kate's house. Followed me there. Anyway, things might get a little strained as I told her about Kate. I'm sure she won't say anything to you but, just so you know, she might not be too happy for a day or two until she gets down off her high horse.'

'Oh, don't worry about her today; she's as bright as the day is long. I spoke to her last night when she got home and again this morning. She's off to Skipton to meet Alan.'

'She's what?! The last thing she said to me was that she wasn't going to go. Oh well, that might take her focus off me. I could do without any more of her interference.'

'Whose interference could you do without? Let me guess; your mother?' a very dishevelled John enquired as he sauntered into the room. 'Is that kettle boiling? If not, put it on for me.'

'Indeed. Who else? I think it's empty and I am not inclined to wait on you. Some of us have a proper job to go to. Where is Lawrence? I've got a busy diary and need to get off. William, I hope you're ready apart from cleaning your teeth when you've finished that.' With that she headed back upstairs, passing Lawrence on the way and leaving him in no doubt that he needed to hurry if he didn't want to lose his pocket money for the next fortnight.

ooOoo

As her elder grandson had stated, Celia was in fine form that morning, her annoyance and disgust at her daughter's announcement put to one side as she contemplated what the day might bring. She was anxious and excited at the thought of meeting Alan. What she had not yet told any of the family was that she'd felt more than a little attracted to him when they were teenagers and, but for her family's relocation to Sheffield, she would have gone out with him. He had not alluded to the abandoned date in any of his e mails and she wondered if he had remembered the circumstances. For years after they last met it had been a source of disappointment and hurt that he had not bothered to make contact.

Celia watched from her window as her family loaded into the Jeep. Happy to see them head off, she checked the contents of her handbag, and then her appearance in the mirror, before locking her door and starting the journey to Skipton. She disliked lateness and, feeling that she had been waiting for this encounter for over sixty years, was determined to be on time.

Her day with Alan was a delightful mix of reminiscence, sharing, discovery and adventure. They talked as if they had never lost touch and the years melted away. She discovered that he had not made contact when she moved to Sheffield because he hadn't received the letter that Eileen Pickford was meant to give him. It all made sense when he revealed that he had gone on to marry her. Celia sensed the same kindness and caring in the man that she had seen in the lad all those years ago. This gave her such a feeling of security and trust that she shared the difficulties in her marriage that had caused so much heartache. A series of events from the start of the day, when Alan realised that his car had been stolen from the car park, concluded with Celia crashing her car and leaving them with no independent means of getting back to their respective homes. So, it was while they waited for their daughters to collect them that they speculated what might have happened had Celia's forwarding address been passed on. Rather quickly they reached agreement on how they intended to remedy the error.

ooOoo

'I'm off out to collect your mother from Skipton. She's been trying to ring you. She crashed her car.'

'My mother? Oh. She alright?' Caroline rummaged in her bag and saw the numerous missed calls in her phone log. Work had been so frantic that it had been on silent and she had not thought to check it.

John was so obviously unfit to drive through drink that Caroline had no option than to turn around and head straight back out to the Jeep. Work had been relentless and as she left Sulgrave she knew that Kate was still tied up in a meeting with the other language teachers so, unfortunately, she had not been able to meet up to assess how things were between them. She had one long, final task to complete before the Inspection and had been hoping for an uninterrupted evening in her office at home rather than a tour of the Yorkshire countryside to rescue her mother.

Signalling before she manoeuvred into the last available parking space, she was stunned when a battered, mud-splattered Land Rover beat her to the gap. Exasperated she left the Jeep on double yellow lines and quickly followed the female driver and a young male passenger into the pub, where she did not hesitate to express her displeasure while her mother looked on in amazement. The torrent of her angry words flowed with ease, although she knew that she was addressing a bigger woe than upset at a lost parking space.

'Low-life, no-good trailer trash!'

'Snotty bitch!' the Land Rover driver retorted.

Further angst and embarrassment was the headteacher's lot as she found herself being introduced to the other driver, who turned out to be Alan's daughter, and as if that was not enough, her mother and Alan announced that they were getting married. It all seemed like a ridiculous farce; a storyline that would not have been out of place in a soap opera and she could not wait to escape. Giving her mother no opportunity to prolong the encounter, after a few exchanges with Alan and giving the excuse of being busy with preparations for the Inspection, she insisted they leave. She wanted to make an escape before Alan's daughter returned from the toilets, not worried that her actions showed no semblance of respect towards the crestfallen septuagenarians or their feelings.

'We are serious, you know.' Her mother maintained as they strapped themselves in the car.

'Whatever!' she replied with undisguised mockery.

The drive home began in silence, both women's minds racing with their separate agendas. Celia was not entirely surprised at her daughter's response and did not allow it to subdue her mood. She used the quietness to run through the various events of the day, focusing mainly on her conversations with Alan and the key decision which resulted. Without intention, she realised that she was speaking aloud.

'We missed a trick.'

Now that she was driving along a more familiar major road, Caroline's concentration had been able to focus on a strange mix of the looming inspection, her relationship with Kate and the prospect of her mother marrying a relative stranger. She heard the words but had no idea as to their meaning.

'What trick? Who?'

Celia chanced the first proper look at her daughter since getting in the car. Despite their frequent differences there was no doubt each held a deep affection for the other and Celia was saddened to see the drawn look on her daughter's face.

'We did. Me and Alan. All those years ago. All those lost years ago. He was the one for me and vice versa. When I think of what we could have had! That's why we can't afford to lose any more time. Whatever's around the corner, and none of us know what that is however much we think we do, I know I don't want to face it without him. We've already turned far too many apart.'

'You wouldn't have had me.'

'Oh, I think I'd always have had you.'

Caroline drove on without replying for the remaining miles, her mother's words echoing around her brain. She thought of the difficulties that she knew her mum and dad had encountered and the sadness that resulted for both her parents and herself. Could it all have been avoided? If her mother had been happier, with someone who loved and respected her, would it all have been different? Her thoughts turned to the possibility that HER circumstances might have been improved too, had her mother been in love with someone who loved her unconditionally. Was it possible that Celia would not have been so embittered and selfish in the way she interacted with others?

Her thoughts, which had been scrambled, started to organise much like the way a jigsaw takes shape once the straight edges have been put in place and the colours separated. She knew then that she was in great danger of missing a trick, as her mother had phrased it, facing a future and whatever laid around the corners in her path, without the person who was right for her.

'I've got to go out. Just call in the house to tell John to feed the boys, will you?' Caroline broke the silence as Celia put her feet on the gravel of the driveway.

'I thought you'd got work to do for the Inspectors.' Celia challenged but as Caroline began to reverse the Jeep she was left with no option than to slam the car door.

ooOoo

'Kate! Kate!' she called while banging on the door of the cottage and peering through the glass at the same time. She began to consider the possibility that Kate was not at home when she heard a voice from above.

'Good grief, Caroline. What's up? Whatever's up? Give me a minute and I'll be down.'

While waiting for the door to open Caroline took some deep breaths to calm her panic and help her run through what she felt she should say, having begun to organise her thoughts during the short journey from Conway Drive. The sight of a tearful-looking Kate on her doorstep put paid to her best-laid plans, however, and she mumbled a virtually incomprehensible declaration.

'Have you been crying? Please don't cry. We haven't missed a trick yet and my mum says that she'd have always had me, but the thing is, she hasn't always had Alan and now they've found the trick that they missed all those years ago. Then I thought of George Michael and his song about different corners because of that dream that I had about us not waiting to interview you because none of us know what is around any corner, but we must turn them anyway. Sometimes we might have our plans but then, well, what's that they say about man planning and God laughing. Then if I think I know what I wanted to be around the corners I would be wrong and then you'll…'

'Caroline. Just stop and take a breath, will you? If I didn't know better I'd think you'd been drinking. It might also be better if you actually stepped inside so I can close the door.'

'Yes. Good idea. No alcohol. Sorry.'

'Corners, tricks? Too much caffeine then?' Kate joked despite her inner turmoil. She knew that she was on the cusp of deciding for a future with Caroline, whether or not they agreed to try for a baby. Her tears had been for the babies that she had lost and, potentially, the ending of that particular dream.

'Not at all, Kate. It's a long story but the thing is my mother's getting married…'

'Your mother's getting married?!'

'Yes, long story. Don't worry about that. The important thing is us, our future.'

'And?'

'Right. This is the thing. We all make plans for our future and then it doesn't work out and we end up turning a corner that we didn't expect to and find ourselves somewhere we didn't bargain for and sometimes that can be worse and sometimes better than our initial plans. The thing is, what's important is that we turn those corners with the person we're meant to be with and I know, now, I do; I know.'

'I'm closer to your meaning this time but clarify for me, please, what do you know?' Kate felt her spirits lift as she began to put the pieces together but did not dare to assume.

'I'll be okay if there's a baby around the corner, for you. For us. More than ok, in fact. It's like everything makes sense and once my brain sorted it all, about an hour ago, I knew that everything in our future would be ok, if you'll still have me.'

'Is this like, forever?' Kate smiled as the tears began to fall once more.

'Well, to quote Prince, forever is a mighty long time but, you know, in theory.'

And it was forever. John didn't manage to worm his way back into his wife's affections and bed although he did still make a successful play for Gillian, Alan's daughter, but that sordid episode is not part of this story. Alan and Celia tied the knot but not before a few more corners were turned on their particular journey along life's way. Caroline gave up her beloved house because she realised that Kate was more important than bricks and mortar and the boys accepted the different path that this presented to them. Kate and Caroline married too as soon as they could, and Kate wasn't run over by a car as she went to collect the milk the following day, as might have been the case had they been the characters in a tv series. As for a baby? Well, of course! At five thirty-three in the morning on the 18th September, Kate McKenzie-Dawson was safely delivered of a beautiful baby girl, Flora Grace, the apple of her mothers' eyes from that moment in time.

 **A/N So, as I finish, I would like to express my thanks to those who have travelled with me along this journey. It's been good to have your company.**


End file.
